Good morning, Hank.

It's Tuesday, December 1, which means it's no longer Movember, which means I can finally frakking shave, which I will be doing over the course of this video. Movie magic. So Hank, lately I've feeling like my life is completely out of control — you know how it is, a few things slip because you're busy and overwhelmed and then one day you look up and you're like, "Oh my goodness, I am a failed state of a person." Sometimes you look at your life and you don't even know where to start making changes.

Now, Hank, multiply that problem by a hundred eighty million. That's Pakistan. Where do you even start?

Public education? Pakistan has a forty percent illiteracy rate, although it's dropping steadily. And for many families, the only real educational opportunity available to their kids are at these madrasas, where they spend all their time reading the Qur'an without, apparently, ever reading the parts where it talks about killing women and children always being wrong.

These madrasas, by the way, are all paid for with Saudi oil money, which, you know, used to be our money, so… good on us. So, education… not good right now. Economics, slightly better: Pakistan's economy has been growing in the last few years, although the per capita GDP by purchasing power is less than a thousand dollars a year.

To radically simplify that number, on average people in Pakistan live on less than three dollars a day. The military? Strong.

Too strong, some might argue; the military is the only public institution in Pakistan that people trust. And historically, the military likes to use that trust by throwing the occasional coup. But basically the reason the people trust the military and they don't trust any other facet of the government is that the military in Pakistan does stuff.

Like for instance the military is trying to root out Taliban elements from the north-west part of Pakistan. And even though that war is unpopular in Pakistan and seen as kind of un-winnable, people are still more likely to trust the military than anybody else because at least the military has, like, an agenda. By the way, Hank, I don't know if you've noticed, but I isolated a piece of cheek-beard.

It's like a hairy dimple. What else are governments supposed to do? Roads?

The Pakistani government is not good at that. Police forces? Boy, are they not good at that.

One of the big problems in Pakistan is that you can pass laws, there's just no way to enforce them. And in Pakistan right now there's just no political leadership to change any of this. The president of Pakistan is the widower of Benazir Bhutto, who, while certainly controversial, had at least some political talent and was therefore assassinated in late 2007 because the Pakistani Taliban is always killing talented politicians.

So now Pakistan has a president who's primary qualification is that he was once married to someone. And then there's no one good waiting in the wings because, I mean, let's face it: would you want to be president of Pakistan, Hank? There's like a forty percent death rate.

The Discovery Channel should make a reality show about the dangers of that job. And so this is the conundrum the rest of the world finds itself in: here is a nation, with nuclear weapons and a hundred eighty million people; a nation that borders both the world's largest democracy and one of the fastest growing countries in India and crazy-pants Afghanistan. People want to help, but where do you start?

Do you start with education or infrastructure or trying to limit corruption? Nobody knows, everyone's paralyzed, and in the meantime the Pakistani Taliban keep killing moderate political leaders. So that's my non-rhetorical question for the day, Nerdfighters: where do you start?

And now Hank, I announce your punishment. I might just keep it like this. So Hank, a mathematically inclined Nerdfighter figured out that the extra two seconds in the video for which you are being punished cost the community of Nerdfighteria a total of twenty six hours because it watched like fifty-five thousand times.

Well, Hank, we want our twenty six hours back. In your home town of Missoula, Montana there is a Target. That Target opens at eight o'clock in the morning.

You will be there when it opens, and you, my dear brother, will be there when it closes fifteen hours later, and in the interim, you will not leave the Target. I wanted you to stay in the Target for the entire twenty six hours but apparently the Target in Missoula, Montana closes, which is unfortunate, so to make up for the eleven hour difference, you're going to have to do a second punishment. While you're spending your fifteen uninterrupted hours in Target, you'll purchase a blender.

You will take that blender to the Target restaurant, where you will publicly blend the meal of your choice, and then eat it — or drink it, depending on your perspective. Hank, I'll see you tomorrow. Hmmmmmmm MUSTACHE!