Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. As you can see I'm in the middle of a small office reorganization project which has gotten just a little bit out of control.

So in the process of my office reorganization project I've come across a lot of great things, like this beanie which I'll be wearing for the rest of the video. Hank, I've also come across this notebook which I apparently filled with journal entries when I was in middle school during the first Gulf War, even though I don't have any remember ever having written any of this.

In total I wrote about 200 pages in this notebook. And you, my beloved brother, are mentioned zero times. But don't feel bad Hank; there's nothing about mom or dad or our grandparents. It's all about ME.

Hank let me give you a little example of what I'm talking about.

(reading from journal) "Hi, how's it goin'? My life is good. The ground war could start any day now. I still like Whitney."

I'm pretty sure that this 200 page study in narcissism was an assignment for a composition class, so it's mostly just like song lyrics that I write down to try to fill up space. For example, and I swear to God I am not making this up:

(reading from journal) "I heard a new song on the radio.
'Stop, collaborate, and listen
Ice is back with his brand new invention'"

And then I go on, and I quote a lot of Ice Ice Baby, and then I say:

"I like rap. I like black nationalist rap."

(starts laughing, ducks out of frame)

Here's another charming doozy.

(reading from journal) "Life sucks. I was doing fine until James and Brian came along and they told Jennifer I said I was going out with her. Which I did say, but they shouldn't have told her."

And then when I'd read almost the entire journal I came across this page, where I say:

(reading from journal) "Maybe someday I'll be reading this, so from now on I have to be truthful. I haven't lied that much in this journal."

So now I am forced to read a document that I don't remember writing under the assumption that much of what is contained inside its pages is untrue. Frankly I hope that I made it all up in some kind of fever dream.

But by far the most interesting thing about this document is the way I write about Whitney, whom I apparently loved immensely, even though, until recently, I had forgotten her last name. There is one moment here where I literally say:

(reading from journal) "I don't know why I like Whitney. She's so flat."

(hands on his head, indignant) Oh my God. Did I really say that? And then did I think that is was an acceptable thing to WRITE DOWN and then TO KEEP FOR MANY YEARS?!

So girls, let that be a lesson to you. You need to know that boys are more like that than they are like Edward Cullen. And boys: when you like a girl, be nice to her. Not like drive past her house in the middle of the night nice, just nice.

Also if you are an eighth grader, or if you have an eighth grader, take heart! It's probably not this bad. And I turned out alright. I mean, I'm a grown man wearing a beanie making videos on the internet. (shifty eyes) Hank I'll see you tomorrow.

Sorry I didn't mention you in my journal, I feel like crap about it.