Good morning, Hank. It's Monday, I have a mustache, and there's a gigantic box next to me, which can mean only one thing: It's Pizzamas!

That's right, Hank, it's the most magical time of the year, where for two weeks, we make week-daily videos back and forth to each other like it's 2007 all over again and celebrate my mustachioed face through the magic of e-commerce for charity! And this box contains all of this year's Pizzamas stuff, which is available only during this year's Pizzamas. Uh-oh!

All right, to start out, remember last year, we had this Pizza John's hot sauce? This year, we've got more Pizza John hot sauces, so many that we've got a subscription for it! That's right, Pizza John hot sauces all year round. 

What else? Well, how about–oh, my God, it just keeps happening–this. Now, Hank, you may have heard that oversize is in. And this–this– THIS is properly oversize! It's a blanket, it's a sweatshirt, it's a hiding place, it's everything you need it to be.

Okay, this year, we also have a Pizza John Magic 8 Ball. Somebody go back in time and tell 29 year old John that when he's 47, he's still gonna be making videos, and not only that, there will be a Pizza John Magic 8 Ball!

We’ve also got this phenomenal Pizza John blanket. 

God, I love Pizzamas. If you're new to Nerdfighteria, I'd love to explain to you the lore of Pizzamas, but, but I can't, it's too complicated. 

We've got a Pizza John chef's apron, it's very nice, actually. It's got all kinds of pockets. It's not just for when you're cooking pizza, but it's definitely also for when you're cooking pizza.

Hank, we have this beautiful wooden Pizza John dice holder with Pizza John dice inside. Hot dang, these are pretty, and when you roll a 20, you roll a Pizza John! Also, if you get this, it comes with the Pizzamas one-shot, a Pizzamas role playing game, which you can also get on its own. I'll just read you part of the intro here: “Since time immemorial, there has been Pizzamas. For family, and for friends that are like a family, it's a holiday of togetherness. It's a time of shared meals, bickering over toppings, and gathering around empty boxes with everyone hoping to see the same thing: the mildly startled visage of Pizza John shimmering before them in the grease. An omen said to guarantee good fortune.”

We also got Pizza John pimple patches. 

And a Pizza John dirty/clean magnet for your dishwasher. And a pizza bucket hat, all of which, by the way, can fit inside of your new Pizza John lunchbox!

Of course, all the money we make at pizzamas.com this Pizzamas goes to Partners in Health. We couldn't keep any of that money, it would be morally repugnant to benefit from Pizzamas–it's too wonderful a holiday. And then, Hank, there's the T-shirts, every year, there's the T-shirts. Here we go! Oh, yes. Oh, heck yes! Look at that. It's just me saying hello from my Pizzamas abode.

Oh, my. Yes. I mean, the shirts just get better every year. Look at this! Observe and appreciate this majesty. 

It was a BRAT summer, but it's gonna be a PIZZA fall, baby. Oh, my gosh. Well, the Charli XCX jokes keep coming, and they don't stop coming, just like the years in Smash Mouth’s “All Star”.

Another T-shirt. Another absolute, unadulterated banger of a T-shirt. Yes. Yes. Yes! Am I a cowboy? I am. Am I lassoing a pizza? I am. 

And last, but certainly not least, Pizza John: made fresh! I mean, just look at it, Hank! Hank, what can we say of all this year's Pizzamas stuff, except that it's magic? None of you will remember Gilligan's island, but I look surprisingly like Gilligan.

Hank, I've been needing Pizzamas and not only because I'm desperately excited about this dice case. I need it because I need stupid, silly things, and this is the stupidest and the silliest. So, Hank, I'm gonna try to livestream for at least an hour or two every day over on my hit new channel, johnschannel, there is a link in the doobly-doo. Or you can also find a link to all of this Pizzamas magic and so much more: Pizzamas.com, or get it on the app. That's right, we have an app! 

Hank, happy freaking Pizzamas. I will see you tomorrow!