H: Good morning John!
J: Wait, where do I stand? Here?
H: Yeah, y'know.
J: I seem a little dark.
H: I look great!
J: If we switch places, I bet you'll look a little dark.
H: Okay. Ka, I'm a lot more seeya- well y'know?

J: We're here in Los Angeles together for the DFTBA.com annual meeting.
H: Yeah, we're talking to all the people who help make that... that website work.
J: If you need T-shirts, posters, mugs, plushies... uh, keychains, check out DFTBA.com.

J: I'm a little concerned that you might be greying a little bit in the temples. Now I know that I am am almost full grey.
H: You are not in any way full grey.
J: I am the oldest YouTuber.
H: No...
J: I am the last... living... American YouTuber.
H: You are the last living American.

H: D'you want to know a true thing, John?
J: Yes
H: We talked about it on an episode of Dear Hank and John in the past-
J: That's our podcast.
H: -about how there were only two possible multiverse futures in which Donald Trump became the Republican nominee... and in one of them-
J: We are living in the worst timeline!
H: -and in one of them, it was because a meteor killed all but twelve Americans. But he still wasn't elected president.

H: Alright, John, we've got some questions from people. I got questions from Snapchat!
J: They snatted their questions and-
H: They snatted me some questions.
J: -and now we shall answer them.

H: This question is, 'what is your favorite form of the potato?'
J: (laughs) Oh, God, are we doing potatoes again?
H: No, that was -- I did not ask for potatoes -- no, this is completely unrelated.
J: Strongly, I have a strong preference for French fried.

H: The next question is... I dunno how to work my phone!

H: Do you like Snapchat filters?
J: I'm going to level with you. I don't know how to use Snapchat very well, but when I was in Jordan, our interpreter, Nita, sat down with kids and used Snapchat filters-
H: Yeah?
J: -and they were crazy about it.
H: I believe that.
J: They were laughing, they were screaming, they couldn't believe it, and I sat down next to them and I was like, 'actually, this is pretty amazing!'

H: How cute is this cat?
J: On a scale of, like, one to ten, I'm going to say... eight.
H: Yeah, it's a pretty cute cat.

H: Who would win in a fight? Andrew Jackshun, or Sheodore Rooshevelt?
J: Can you just say that right?
H: Who would win in a fight? Andrew Jackshun -- who... (laughs)

H: Should this young woman condition or shampoo first?
J: Oh, I always shampoo then condition.
H: I've never even heard of conditioning first.
J: I didn't even know that conditioning first was an option.
H: You're just going to wash out all the conditionment.

J: This nerdfighter asks 'would Vlogbrothers ever do a tour?'
H: Funny you should ask, because I'm announcing Hank Green and the Perfect Strangers tour today, right now, its happening, I just announced it!
J: Really? Wow, where are you guys going?
H: We're going to all of these places! There, I didn't have to remember. That was great.
J: Right. But you can also look at the link in the description-
H: Yeah.
J: -how to get tickets and stuff.
H: All the tickets are available now!
J: Yes.
H: And they're inexpensive! 'Cause... we're not that popular!
J: (laughs) And then Hank and I will probably go on tour sometime next year together.

H: What's your favorite food to eat when your sick?
J: Y'know Hank, it's an old favorite, and I know a lot of people feel this way, but I just -- I really enjoy Chloraseptic Max.
H: Oh, yeah, high calorie.
J: AH, yeah that just goes right into the back of the throat, where the strep is, and it just makes it not hurt.
H: Smells like a doctor's office.

H: Favorite Taylor Swift song?
J: We're going to do it on three. Ready? One, two, three,
Both: Shake it Off.
J: OH MY GOD WE SHOULD BE BROTHERS!

H: How goes the book-writing, John?
J: Uh, thanks for asking, woman with anglerfish. It's going. I'm writing.
H: What word are you on?
J: Um... you mean the last word that I wrote? I'll look.
H: (laughs) You found it.
J: I found the word! The word is coffee.
H: Alright, I know a little bit about your book!
J: It includes, uh, stirring milk into morning coffee, no less.
H: Oh. Do you think that that line's going to make it?
J: Um... fifty-fifty.
H: Alright.

H: Got another question, John. Can you show us your socks?
J: Yes! Dadudadudaduda!

H: If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be?
J: I'd be a toaster oven. (pauses) You want to ask why?
H: Not really.
J: Well there's really no reason, I just love toaster ovens.
H: I'd be... an oven, because I'm reliable, and I'm hot.

H: You are reliable, hot, and inexpensive.
J: That's right.

(coughs)
H: I'm very sorry you're so sick, John.
J: Oh, Hank, I will see you on (continues coughing)