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In which John talks about real life football. The Wimbly Womblys play Oldham Athletic.

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Twitter: @AFCWimblyWombly
Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I am the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. As you can see, we're starting Glédson in goal today. It's the FA Cup and Glédson wanted to start and I wanted to give it to him. He's there with his Brazilian compatriots - Leonardo Moura and Ozéia, the man with only vowels in his name. And Z.

We're taking on Oldham Athletic today. Featuring old Swoodilypooper, Andy Rooney. Um, it's gonna be a good game, world class skill level. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I love the FA Cup. And uh, I know AFC Wimbledon can do it!

Speaking of being able to do it (context is everything), I want to talk today about real-life football. So I am recording this in the hazy distant past, because I am uh- I- there's this movie that's coming out. I don't know if you've heard about it. If you haven't, I want to tell you about it.

It's called the Fault in our Stars. It's an adaptation of my book, also called the Fault in our Stars. And it's uh... Well I hope that it's going to be a big deal. I hope that it's good and people like it and wanna see it in the movie theaters. And it's currently, um, it's like... What is it Meredith, like, April 16th or something? I feel like I just paid taxes. It's April 17. I did just pay taxes.

And um, and um, it's currently April 17th where I am. But where you are, it's in the distant future. I don't know what's happened. Has anything exciting happened? Has anything terrible happened? I hope only wonderful things have happened to you and to your family. Let me know in comments what's happened between April 17th and May 5th.

I want- or whenever this is made, 8th? Is it Hank's birthday today? I don't know. Happy birthday Hank, if it is. I don't know what's going on in the hazy distant future. But good luck, good luck to all of you getting through the month of April and the beginning of the month of May.

Who knows what's gonna happen. Right now, like, I'm doing a press junket probably, which I'm sure is very stressful for me. So good luck, future me. I know you can do it!

He's offside, He's offside, but that was a great pass. Um... Anyway, I wanna make predictions about the football season. The uh... So right now, on April 17th, Liverpool Football Club have astonished the world and uh, they are at the top of the premiere league. Um, I think this is the first time in 24 years we've been at the top of the league this late in the season. Um, the last time Liverpool won the league was 1990, before the formation of what we now call the premiere league.

Um, and um... It's pretty crazy! I don't think anybody expected this. I certainly didn't. The goal for this season was to finish in the top four, so that we could get champions league football next season, which is a huge like, financial windfall for a club - allows it to make much bigger investments in players and stuff like that. And also attract the highest quality players.

I know I should hit the X button, but it's not who I am as a person! There we go. Um... Pass, pass! Nope. Pass! Nope! Mmm. I needed Other John Green to make a run there, and he just wasn't on the same page as his husband. Maybe there've been arguments at home, I don't know. There's still- there's a lot of talk about them adopting, but I haven't seen anything yet. Oh! Ohhhhh! Way outside, way outside! (sings) Ya ya ya ya (talks) ohhhh! Devastating. We have a corner kick out of it though.

Anyway, um... Liverpool uh, between now and then, I think between now and then they will have played both Norwich and Chelsea, um... Which obviously are two vital games in their final four games, but I think they haven't- oh! Ohhh. I think they haven't played their last um, their last two games against Crystal Palace and Newcastle - not that I have the season schedule completely memorized-

Oh, God! Oh, God! What a heroic slide tackle! Was that girls just wanna have Fundingsrud? Was it Ozéia? I think it was Ozéia. And it was absolute- absolute, unadulterated heroism! Um... Saving our FA Cup dreams, as only Brazilians can. I'm so grateful for our Brazilian trio at the back.

Um... Yeah, so I- I hope- as much as I hope that the Fault in our Stars does well and everybody likes it and, like, lots of people discover the book because of it, let me tell you the truth.

Ooooooooo-ooh! Oh, with ya Bamba riding on his beautiful back, it's (sings) Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team, upon his moustache we're keen, Bald John Green, John Green! (talks) He's a hero to our club, he's a hero to the community of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys...

He's always there for us. He scores in good times. He scores in bad times. Uh... He's the one person that we know we can count on. Bald John Green! That was a beautiful- just beautiful play. Just- 'cause he- you know what the key is, for Bald John Green? It's being a big, strong lad. He just runs into people and he beats them. What- I don't understand why that's a foul on me. It should be a foul on them.

Anyway... Um, do I think Liverpool are gonna win the league? I- oh, God. Seb Brown! I think it's gonna be hard- oh, that was Glédson. Oh no! I gave up a goal because I called Glédson, Seb Brown and hurt his feelings, and then he just couldn't pay attention, and right at half time, Oldham Athletic tie the game.

The beautiful blond- blond man who has a nice-looking beard. And then he got stabbed through his gut by one of his team-mates. Did you see that, Meredith? That wasn't good. I'm concerned about that guy's health. Um... He's apparently transparent or something.

So anyway, "do I think Liverpool are gonna win the league?" is the question at hand. (sighs) God, I hope so! What I was gonna say before Bald John Green scored, is that as much as I want the Fault in our Stars movie to do well, if I could only choose one of these things to happen, the Fault in our Stars movie is a run-away success or- or Liverpool win the league... I'd rather choose Liverpool win the league because, you know... Yeah, that's what I'm gonna choose. I know that's crazy, but that's how I feel! In a perfect world, both will happen.

It's possible- it's very unlikely, but it's possible, that where you are sitting on May 5th, Liverpool have already won the league. Um, because everybody else dropped a bunch of points. It's not likely, but it's possible! I just hope that we're in it on the last day. I hope that- that on May 11th, um, we're in it, and um, and we get, you know, the pleasure of dreaming.

The pleasure of getting to imagine - I mean, this season has been so much better than any of us expected, and just the pleasure of dreaming is one of the great pleasures of football for me. The pleasure of being able to imagine what might be... Um, and so I hope that I'm still able to dream on May 11th. That's- I guess that's all I can really ask for. Um, it would be great to win the league, but if I'm still dreaming on May 11th, I mean, that's so great. So I hope that I wake up- I hope I wake up that morning, um, in LA with the dream- the dream still on the horizon. Um, we'll see!

Off the post! Ohhh. Heroic defending. Absolute heroic defending. That's beautiful stuff, beautiful stuff from the boys! And then Other John Green- Other John Green! Ohhh, he almost made it. He almost- it almost opened up for him. That better be a foul on them because I didn't do anything wrong there, except be incredibly good-looking.

Um... Other predictions: AFC Wimbledon are gonna- look almost certain to stay up at this point. Um, they- I don't wanna- I don't wanna, you know, I don't wanna to be too bold and be proven wrong, but um, they won a big game against Southend United.

For those of you who don't know, these videos- the video that you're watching right now, there's advertising revenue associated with it. That advertising revenue does not go to me. It goes to the real life AFC Wimbledon, which is a real football club owned by its real fans. Um, one of the very few football clubs in the league owned by its supporters... So it- and I think the first one!

Um, they started in the ninth tier of English football. They built it up and built it up and built it up and look where they are now! They're in the football league, they're playing FIFA, and yeah. So we are- I mean, I'm so excited for AFC Wimbledon to have another year in FIFA, to have another year in the football league... Um, and, you know, hopefully to continue to grow.

This year went a little bit better than last year. Um, last year they had to win their last game - Jack Midson scored a heroic and extremely tense penalty uh, to keep them in the league.

Oooooh! Off the post! And then his husband! And then- yes! Finally! Ohhhhhh! It's Francombstein! (sings) He did the mash! He did the monster mash! The monster mash! (talks) That's all I got. That good? You like that one? You think that's enough? You wouldn't want more? You didn't find yourself wishing "God, I wish that song would go on for the full four minutes!"? It's fascinating, Meredith.

Sometimes I think that you don't actually like my singing! But then I remind myself that you must. You must, because you listen- you have the ear- you have the headphones in, so you get to listen to it right up close! So special. You know? Was that pretty bad though? A little off-key? Yeah, wasn't my best work.

But we just- we just went up two-one! Francombstein, beautiful. That's a poacher's goal, you know what I mean? He's just the guy who hangs around- hangs around the box and waits for things to good happen. (laughing) Context is everything.

Um... And uh... Oh, oh! Glédson! Nice punch, Glédson! Wow. Alright. Okay. Got it clear! So um... I think AFC Wimbledon are gonna stay up. I think Swindon Town um, are gonna stay in league one, um, for those of you who are interested in Swindon Town.

Um... You know, I think Swindon Town could be a championship team, um, but they'd have to have the right kind of- they'd have to have the right kind of year, you know? Um... Their former manager, Paolo Di Canio, by the way, has decided that- oh, that's a very bad foul! That might be a red card! Yeah, you should come- no, what?! He's just gonna give him a little bit of- a little bit of hoosiwhats?! Come on, man! That's a foul. Oh, that was a horrific foul! He swept the leg, Johnny!

Wow, they got a lot of gingers on that club! Andy Rooney... He was a fantastic ginger. Um, special Swoodilypooper- special memories of him. Um, the- I think the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Wombly faithful just cheered him as he was substituted off. That was full class by you guys!

Um... Oh, that's a good ball. That's a good ball! Pass to your husband! Pass to your husband! Ohhh. He wanted it. He wanted it. Now- then he weirdly did the heil Hitler thing. That was odd. That made me super uncomfortable. Gonna talk to Bald John Green after that. Um...

Boy, they've made all their substitutions- desperately, desperately trying to find a way to get back in this game. But it's the eightieth minute. We've got ourselves- it's Francombstein. Francombstein! Oooooh! Cleared off the line. That's depressing.

Um... Yeah, I- other predictions in the world of- in the world of football... I don't know. By now, like, the Fault in our Stars movie has like tracking and stuff, and people are predicting how it's gonna do, and that makes me super nervous.

Anyw-oh no! Oh, God. Thank goodness, that all worked out better than I expected. Um... Oh no! Oh, God! Terrible pass! Terrible pass. Everybody's down, everybody's up. Oh, wow. Great job by the whole defense, collapsing around the ball there. Really good job! Let's get- let's just pass it- let's just get this game over with.

So, I don't know! Tell me if Liverpool- did Liverpool already win the league, maybe? Maybe? Are they already out of it? Did they- was it a disaster against Chelsea? I don't know! It's so weird to think that you're in the future and all of this is settled, and right now where I am, all of it is unsettled and I'm full of like, fear and anxiety and wonder and dreaming and all- all the- all the wonderful things that accompany a love of- a love of football.

But speaking of the wonderful things that accompany the love of football, how about the magic of the FA Cup? Here we are, still alive - John Green with his beautiful moustache and his hideous soul patch - moving on further into the FA Cup! Two-one victory over Oldham Athletic. Thank you for your support- oh, Kennedy. Really! Really? Really? Best wishes.