Hi, I'm John Green and today we... what's wrong? Oh, it's not... Premature. Premature! Starting next week we're going to be talking about... I have the iPod in my hand. Justin Timberlake for talent, Lance Bass for looks, so like one and one in my opinion. Then third place, you're saying JC, who I think is tied with Joey in my mind. But then Chris Kirkpatrick is a definite last. This whole episode is just a f ing bonanza. So [gibberish]... whatever. You know what to do. Oh... No, don't do it now. Isn't that a George W. Bush word? John Quincy Adams was eventually declared the winter. Winter. The confederate general was named Simo... Simoh... [laughs] which in a sense is unsurprising because they had massive... massive advantages. The best use of howjsay ever. All right. Keep pushing. [laughing] I did it! I don't really have a joke here. Um, didn't I just make that joke? tffghat there were anything less than human. [long pause] Let's go to the thought bubble... [laughing] Is that too long of a pause? [off screen, laughing] Yes. [John] Alright. I was trying to build drama! the great sea! Ah, [bleep]. *, sorry. 1856! 1858. F**knugget. Oh, god. that John... Jefferson. F . I got the bronze medal at the state academic decathlon tournament! Among C students. [long pause] In Alabama. What's going on? It's, I did it the same way I always do it. How concerned should I be about that airplane? Harry Styles! Harry Styles has to be the best looking one cause he has the porn star name. Are we now officially a workplace marred by sexual harassment? [seductively] Hello, camera. It's me, John Green. Stan is talking about one of his dumb toys. I just want to do this for a second, if I may. Radical Republican Charlesh... Charles Sumner... radical Republican Charles Sumner. With the south winning at Valve... Valverder... Valverder? played by Abraham Lincoln against his stunning... cunning. Is it Gar... Garnet? I'm gonna say Garnet. McClellan ended Lee's invasion of the north at Antietam-n... What was I gonna say? MD? Antietam medical doctor? I have no idea what I was going for there. Honey bun, how do I look in the face. It's true! This is all being recorded. Ha ha! guilty... [leans over] land. Sorry, can't see the thing very well. Land. 40 times more shoes and... [leans] boots? Should we make that joke later? [from back] Yes. [John] Can we just make it 6 times, because the whole episode is like "what, did this seriously happen?" Anyway, he looked good in the face. The issue was the, the abdomen wound. [growls] I am a perpetual motion machine! I'm gonna come over here. Raoul Meyer and my... what? graphics team is Thought Bubble. Thought Café. That's the kind of bold political statement that I make here on Crash Course US History. I do not think that we should have killed 10,000 people... and moved them to Oklahoma. It's compounding one cruelty on another! Um, what? Huh? This doesn't make any sense. Niall. Horan. Was. Born. This is a great YouTube channel! All right, let's go. I can't actually start reading until I have the right mystery document. [laughing] Sorry, I tried to pull it out and I just... epic pulling fail. that if the single man plant himself indomitably... Oh my god. Sorry, I just hate, I hate it so much. Oh, god. Everything hurts so bad. Hey, honey bun, how do I look in the face? According to one white, southern California... southern California. As if. Thanks for watching... [shouts] Whoa! God. That is the most boring quote I've ever heard in my entire life. We're going to cut it. Oh right, right. I forgot, sorry, I forgot where we were. It's like 200 years apart. Where is North Korea? It's all part of the, it's in here somewhere? [off screen] Up. Right. Yes, the little peninsula. [John] Okay. Who's seriously pro–body-hair? No one, right? I mean, no, no real person is. Uh, my favorite one is the sentence: "Avicii began to DJ to escape the Swedish winter." [bleep] film majors. They're like, "Aristotle was the first person to identify dolphins as separate from porpoises", shut the [bleep] up, man. 13 times more ar... arn... [leans] arn? 15 man electric... electoral. Electric commission. It's electric, boogie woogie woogie. I'm still not off. I'm not off. I'm o... nope. A little more. There we go. Alright. Alright.