J: Good morning Hank, it's Wednesdaaaaaaay, it's Pizzamas!
We've just come from the Save the Children Gala

H: I met Jennifer Garner.

J: That was weird but she seemed cool

H: and I stood nearby Olivia Wilde

J: It could be a Gala or a gah-lah.

H: Do you want to answer some questions that people 

J: YES

H: just sent in? John Green, what is your opinion on lamps?

J: I am opposed to them.

H: I love lamp. Debate over the best kind of chocolate: white, milk, or dark.

J: I don't know that this is going to be a debate but I actually have a very strong opinion, so let's just do this 1 2 3. One, two, three,

Both together: Dark!

J: Oh thank god! Because we were about to not be brothers anymore.

H: Will there ever be dear Hank and John merch?

J: That's what the world's missing is dear Hank and John merch. You know what kind of merch we DO have? Pizza John merch is available now.

H: Eeeeh. Only for a couple more days.

J: At DFTBA.com. Pizzamas merch, it's like suits... but mostly T-shirts and shoelaces.

H: Actually, you know what I was wearing underneath the whole time--

J: Ooooh!

H: during the Save the Children gala.

J: He likes to keep me close to his heart.

H: John,

J: yeah.

H: Do your best impression of your favorite dinosaur.

J: We don't know what dinosaurs sounded like.

H: [disappointed exhale]

J: It's true! [squawk]

H: Ok. Ok.

J: Might be.

H: I'm glad you-- at least you made a noise.

J: That was a Diplodocus. My favorite dinosaur. But we don't know if that's what they sounded like [retching] we don't know! We have no way of knowing [retching] we have no way of knowing. [screeching]

H: maybe they just like, sounded like humans. They were just like [babbling] Like that dog from that thing on Tumblr. [impersonating human dog]

J: Rosianna took away my Tumblr password, so I don't know what's happening on Tumblr anymore

H: [gibberish]

J: Sounds funny.

H: It's pretty funny.

J: Why did you take away my Tumblr password? There are so many lovely things happening.

H: [gibberish]

J: Nicole's question is "What are your holiday traditions?

H: Saying what we're thankful for.

J: Oh, our mom always puts tremendous pressure on us

H: There is a great deal of pressure

J: To come up with like a new thing that we're thankful for. So if I say like I'm thankful for my kids, Mom will always say "No no no no no, you said that in 2011." [Hank laughs] Then I'll have to think of something new that I'm thankful for. And I'm 38, you know? That's 38 years of having to be grateful.

H: Yeah, you gotta take like individual foods. [John laughs] Like "this year I'm thankful for green beans!"

J: God, I'm so grateful for cranberries. Where would we be without them as a species?

H: Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly the same place, but where would cranberries be?

J: They would be dead. Like 40% of species, which we've eliminated in the last 500 years, go team! [Hank reluctantly high fives] Actually, no. That was... not an appropriate high five.

H: Well, I mean 99.9% of species that have existed no longer exist.

J: Tight, but we've--

H: Usually not so rapidly.

J: We've eliminated more in the last 400 years than in the previous million.

H: Yeah. Yeah, we're roughly on par with an asteroid.

J: We are killin' it...

H: Oh!

J: Literally. Hank, can you please describe the meaning of life from the perspective of a chicken?

H: [a startlingly accurate impression of a chicken]

J: [giggles]

H: [continues to be good at being a chicken]

J: Hank, how did you and John meet your wives?

H: I met my wife, she lived across a, uh...

J: a desert! [Hank laughs] A continent!

H: hallway

J: An ocean!

H: From my dorm room.

J: Alright, room service is here, we have to go. Hank.

H: Yes.

J: Thank you for being awesome, I like your tie by the way.

H: You're welcome, I got it at Banana Republic.

J: DFTBA, I will see you right now and also tomorrow.