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MLA Full: "Become a Time Traveller TODAY!" YouTube, uploaded by vlogbrothers, 8 April 2009,
MLA Inline: (vlogbrothers, 2009)
APA Full: vlogbrothers. (2009, April 8). Become a Time Traveller TODAY! [Video]. YouTube.
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Chicago Full: vlogbrothers, "Become a Time Traveller TODAY!", April 8, 2009, YouTube, 03:57,
In which Hank talks about evil babies, books and time travel.


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A Bunny
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Good morning, John. Is it me or have my videos been crazy boring lately? I just don't think that I do enough jump cuts anymore.

My friends, you are correct! This should be a John Green day but it is not. That's why it's a Hank Green day. Hello everyone. I've taken this particular John Green Tuesday in exchange for John doing the next two Tuesdays in a row and for getting John Green, a professional New York Times Best-selling Author, to proofread the first section of my novel, which I just finished. The first section, not the whole novel. But that's exciting anyway. I mean, I managed to write like a hundred fifty pages of this book. Now I get a professional author to proofread it for me. Isn't brotherhood fantastic?

John, on Thursday you brought back the Evil Baby Orphanage, and yes, it is true we have some very large differences of opinion of how the Evil Baby Orphanage should be approached, more as a story than as an actual entity. John wants there to be well-known evil babies in the Evil Baby Orphanage, so like he wants Evil Baby Stalin and Evil Baby Hitler and he wants all these people interacting, but my problem with that is that if you've got all the evil babies in the Evil Baby Orphanage, why does the world still suck so much? Which is why from my personal perspective, I'm much more intrigued by the idea that there is an Evil Baby Orphanage out there already and the guy who created it is just too busy and out of his mind trying to fix the world in all these ways that this is currently, what we're living in right now, is the best that he can do. But that, of course, is neither here nor there because John, you asked the Nerdfighters to create a time machine, and I'm thinking about precisely how that might be done.

There are two major problems with time travel. First, if you do it you have the possibility of creating the Grandfather Paradox, which might unravel the universe, which would suck. The Grandfather Paradox, of course, being that if I go back and kill my grandfather, than how did he die, because I was never born. That just seems like a loophole that the universe wouldn't allow. The second problem with time travel is that if it was possible, why don't we ever see any time travelers? I want to come back to the dawn of the information age and watch the decline of television and the rise of YouTube. I mean, that's exactly where I'd want to be, anywhere in history: right here.

There are several types of time travel that would exclude the Grandfather Paradox and explain why we aren't always inundated by time tourists. The first of these is the easiest way of time traveling and we all can do it together right now. Now what I want you to do is look right here. Right around there. You, my friend, are traveling forward in time at one second per second. Oh, I just blew my own mind! The problem is making that go backwards or forwards faster. Turns out making it go forwards faster isn't even all that difficult. You just have to move really fast! Unfortunately I don't think that that was fast enough and now I have a little bit of a headache. But if you could go really fast, like close to the speed of light fast, then suddenly you experience time as traveling at the same rate, but relative to other people, your time is traveling much more slowly. Fans of science fiction literature will know all the freak about this, but if you take an interstellar journey at near the speed of light, by the time you get to your destination maybe only a couple of years will have past for you, but tens or hundreds or even thousands of years could have passed for the rest of the universe. Unfortunately, this doesn't actually help us travel backwards in time, only forwards in time, and only sorta-kinda-a-little-bit does it help us travel forward in time. But there is a way to use that phenomenon to then bridge the place that's forward in time and the place that's back in time. Basically you create a wormhole, which we don't actually know how to do, but many people say that it is theoretically possible. So you create this wormhole which bridges two places in the universe, then you take one of the ends of that wormhole, and you move it very fast at close to the speed of light. Now for that end of the wormhole, time is traveling very very slowly, but for the other end of the wormhole, time is traveling at absolutely normal speeds. So then at the end of the process you stop the wormholes, and suddenly if you enter one end of the wormhole, you either come out dead, or you come out back in time. But if I created the time machine today, I couldn't go back in time to kill my grandfather, because I could only go back to today. Forever I could go back to today, but I could never go back any further than that. And so, my friends, for the Evil Baby Orphanage this means that every day the universe spends without a time machine, is another day that evil babies will be free to do their evil on our world. Shoot.

Please in comments let me know if there are other opportunities for backwards time travel and I would really like to hear whether you're on John's side or my side of the Evil Baby Orphanage debate. Should they be historical evil babies or non-historical evil babies?

Everyone will see me tomorrow with my Song Wednesday song. DFTBA.