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Molly Lewis: I practiced this a few times.  Um, it's a song that I wrote, it's um, a break-up song, but instead of breaking up with a person, I'm breaking up with Wikipedia.  (Applause)  'Cause I had a Wikipedia article for about a week, and then I wasn't famous enough, and so they took it down.  

Man: Turns out there are rules, mate. 

Molly: I know.  There's a (?~0:19) Wikipedia, and decide who is famous and who is not and--

Audience: Ohhh.

Molly: But it's fine, 'cause I was able to channel my rage or something into a song, and I'm going to play it for you right now.


Molly: Yes.


When I met you, I thought you were really smart 
and even more-so when we started goin' out.  
It was your intellect that really won my heart.  
There was just so much crap you knew so much about
I was hungry for knowledge and I was single,
I didn't want to date, I really hadn't planned to.
But you were cool and you were smart and you were multilingual and I felt like I could really understand you.  

Then it went downhill.  
And we'll never get back to our better days.
I'm done, I've had my thrill,
and I think we oughtta go our separate ways.  
But it isn't you, 
it's me
I guess we just weren't meant to be
I thought we were inseperable, I thought you were my friend,
but looking back now it makes sense in the end.  

You're sometimes vague and you're often inconsistent,
you've no opinions, you never take a stance,
You're dispassionate, you stand so distant,
and I tell you, you know zilch about romance.  
And not once did you ever say you loved me,
you sent no flowers, you never called me honey.
And you always talked as if you were above me, 
and it felt like you were always needing money.  
Sometimes you generalize, and on better days, your tone is condescending.
And when we talked books or films,
you always find a way to spoil the ending.  

But it isn't you, it's me.
I need someone more (?~2:49)
I thought you had the answers but your smarts are all pretend,
and my (?~2:57) makes sense in the end. 
You just believe everything you're ever told,
you never question, I'm pretty sure you don't fact-check.
Someone puts ideas into your head.  
You never blink, you immediately buy it.  
I won't say that you have no integrity,
but I might imply it.  


It turns out you're not the guy I thought I knew.
And I think we need to stop and take a breather.
I never know if what you're saying's really true
and frankly, sometimes, I don't think that you know either
You have no real facts, your knowledge is all hearsay
And I'm tired of playing all your stupid games.  
You don't keep pictures of me and you don't know my birthday,
I don't think that you even know my name.
You keep tabs on other girls, but I notice there's no article for me
I'm known by all the world, so I guess I'm just a droplet in the sea.  

(Croud 'aww's)

Man: Damn you, Wikipedia!


But it isn't you, it's me.  
I owe you no apology
I know not to judge my company just based upon its looks,
I'm too grown up for your articles, it's time that I read books.  

Crowd: Whoo!  (Applause)

Molly: Awesome!

Your heart is promised to a man and so I have no hope to win it, but consider my proposal, sir, if you can find a minute.
I think the future of our species would be better with you in it,
I know you have your problems, and maybe I have mine,
but you should leave someone to carry on when you have turned to dust,
and plant your genome in an infant, sir, I think it's only just,
and you would need somoene to bear this child, a woman you could trust,
I'll put my body on the line,
Oh, Stephen Fry, I see no reason why,
you wouldn't want someday, maybe, to let me have your baby,
you would be amazed what science does these days,
and there will be (?~6:13) here, but not right now.


I am ideal for this position, which I hope you will not doubt,
I've got those child-bearing hips you always hear so much about
And I've permission from my boyfriend and he's willing to help out,
I know it isn't much, but it's what I have to give,
and I don't drink and I don't smoke, and I eat all my leafy greens,
I'll try to go to bed much earlier, I'll get all my vaccines,
and I'll put headphones on my belly,
and I'll cut back on caffeine,
I'll put an iPad in the crib,
oh Stephen Fry, there's no reason why you wouldn't want someday, maybe, to let me have your baby,
and I'm in my prime, so you've got loads of time,
and (hums).
You deserve to reproduce.  
And I was built to procreate.  
I hope my womb can be of use.
So think it over, I can wait.  
And one day, you'll be sure of it, that I can be your surrogate,
Oh, Stephen Fry, I hope you'll tel me why,
you wouldn't want someday, maybe, to let me have your baby.
I adore you, dear, I come before you here, 
and (hums)