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In which Hank defends his lyrics, talks a bit about the happy dance project and says thanks to people.

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A Bunny
( - -)
((') (')
Good morning, John.

It's Friday, September 7th. Now I know that there's some people out there, who have been talking about my lack of Mortal Kombat knowledge, and the fact that Scorpion never rips people's spines out; only Subzero rips people's spines out, but THAT IS WRONG. While it is true that Subzero's traditional fatality is the "Spine-Ripper," and that Scorpion's traditional fatality is "The Toastie," I have documented proof--in the form of a YouTube video that is either linked over there or down there, depending on where you are--that in Mortal Kombat: Deception, Subzero upgrades to ripping someone's entire skeleton through their lower back, and Scorpion uses Subzero's "Spine-Ripper" fatality.

So, ripping out someone's spine is, technically, a Scorpion fatality. It's true that it is not ~the~ traditional Scorpion fatality; however, Subzero wasn't going to fit the meter of the song, so I had to fall back on the lesser known of the spine-ripping, crazy Mortal Kombat duo, Scorpion. You can see it in the video... if you are okay with that kind of thing.

Moms: beware. Okay everyone agree that that is enough talk about spine-ripping. As an apology for all that talk about gore, here's Cameo's fatality, which consists, mostly, of being adorable, doing what we call "kneading the biscuit dough." And occasionally drooling.

It's actually not very pleasant... when it happens on your chest, and she's, like, drooling into your mouth. But otherwise it's, like, completely adorable. And so far she's never tried to rip my spine out through my lower back, so... preferable to video games.

Just for a second I want to talk about the Happy Dance Project. Because I want everyone to remember that there is a Happy Dance Project. And if we don't talk about it, everyone will be like, "Right, I don't have to do a happy dance.

I have to go to the pyramids." And then be like, "Oh, but it's tomorrow that it's due." October 1st, people, October 1st! (gesturing) Do your happy dance! (random noises) HAPPY DANCES! Maybe a little bit too excited, maybe not! Maybe that’s the right level of excitement.

I think that might be. I think that’s the right level of excitement! I’m not on drugs!

I swear! I’m high on Nerdfighters! I just think that the Happy Dance Project is a very good idea, and it’s very exciting to think of a five minute long video of people doing their happy dances in lots of different cool places.

It’s like that guy…”Where the Heck Is Matt?” dancing, Stupid Dancing Guy, except we’re totally carbon neutral because we don’t have to fly around the world to do it! Because there are lots of us all over the place already! THAT’S EXCITING.

John, I’m really glad that you liked the book. People who noticed my haircut, I’m really glad that you liked my haircut. People who liked the song, I’m really, really, really glad you like my song.

It’s hard to process that people like my music. I’ve always wanted to make music, and I’ve never had a reason to, and the fact that you people are there wanting me to do it…I have to do it, and I have to do it well or else you’ll be mad at me, and you’ll know if I don’t work hard. So thank you for rewarding me and for being there and for liking it even though I suck at playing guitar.

I have something that very few other musicians have, and that I am extremely lucky for because I don’t probably deserve it as much as the rest of those musicians do. I’m applying the label of musician to myself very loosely; maybe I’m more like a stand-up comedian with a guitar? I don’t know.

And John, obviously, I have you to thank for getting me into this whole Brotherhood 2.0 mess in the first place, uh, and challenging me to write and perform an original song every Wednesday. I have a repertoire now! I have like a Johnny Cash-sounding song, and I have like pop-punk songs, and I have like They Might Be Giants-sounding song; it’s very exciting.

Did I mention that Katherine and I are going to see They Might Be Giants? We are! On the 23rd which is our first wedding anniversary.

It’s kind of perfect, really. Anyway, I should talk about all that important stuff you were talking about in relation to Deep Economy, but I didn’t because I had to talk about Scorpion’s fatality, so maybe we’ll do that next week. Sorry!

I’ll see you on Monday.