I'm often asked how to have sex for the first time - frightened, curious people of many ages wondering about the what and the how of sex!

For example, this message: "I didn't have much sex-ed growing up, I have no idea what happens (beyond the basics of the penis entering the vagina). Any advice?" Oh, let me tell you! I've been studying how people have sex for the first time since I had sex for the first time, which was not penis entering vagina.

How we do it and even what constitutes "it" vary across cultures, orientations, even partners in a relationship. The terms "sex" and "had sex" are loosely defined by the National Health and Social Life Survey as: "Any mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves genital contact and sexual excitement or arousal, that is, feeling really turned on, even if intercourse or orgasm did not occur."

So to start, sex does not require penis, penetration, or orgasm. HEY YOU! It does require consent - clear-headed willingness from everyone to do it. It also requires a date of birth that allows you to legally go ahead, known as the "age of consent." This is different is different places, so if you're under 21 make sure that you and your partner(s) are of legal age where you're at, which brings us to tip #1: Don't Break the Law.

Tip #2: Daydream. Way before there's physical sex, the mind starts to wonder when and how it's gonna happen. What will I wear? Who will initiate it? How's it gonna feel? GIGIGIGIGIGIGI! Give yourself that time to fantasize and try things out safely in your mind. This is called "contemplation": it's when the person is meditating about a new behavior.

After It, comes preparation. How do you really prep for sex?
Tip #3: Schedule a doctor's appointment, and go to it. Can you have STIs if you've never had sex before? You can! Plus, by going a doctor, a clinic, you can talk to someone about YOUR sexual-health risks and how to reduce them. Like, condoms, dams, gloves, Gardasil.

Tip #4: Determine Protection. Decide how you're gonna take care of your body and your partners, and try it on for size. For example, masturbate with condoms ON. I would shop around and invest in something of value to YOU, and just as you'd want to get the right fit for swimming goggles or snowboard bindings, get the proper sex gear!

Then tip #5: Practice. Yeah, just like before a game or a race - stretch, and then practice. For sex this would be dry humping, masturbating, Kegels, breathing. Like coach says, what counts is not the number of hours you put in, but the amount of effort you put into those hours.

Tip #6: Schedule the Game. I'm using the sports analogy because sex is physical! I can compare it to learning something like Portuguese, but it is much more like learning gymnastics. That, and the analogy reminds people that they know how to learn new things, they know what the experience feels like, what to expect, because they're learning things all the time! It's just that when it comes to sex, we forget our abilities and lose our confidence! So schedule the game, make sure you have privacy and time!

Tip #7: Huddle. In this book, about first sexual intercourse experiences - my thesis - I learned that people who had conversations about having sex before they had sex were more likely to have positive sexual experiences, by FAR! It doesn't have to be elaborate, it could be something simple like "Hey, if it hurts, let's stop", or "Don't worry if we don't cum together, I just enjoy being with you."

Tip #8: Play. Wiki defines "play" as a range of voluntary, intrinsically motivated activities normally associated with recreational pleasure and enjoyment. That's SEX! If a penis goes in a vagina? Great! A finger in a mouth? Great, too! Toy, anus, clit, thigh, scrotum to scrotum, whatever is voluntary-motivated, recreational pleasure and enjoyment.

Bonus tip: The person with the orifice guides object of insertion in.

Tip #9: Aftercare. When everyone playing decides to wind down, check-in, be with each other, you might hold each other's bodies or parts of them, like cupping the vulva, reassuringly, "Wow, thank you!" Sex can be extremely emotional and exhausting, so chill out for a while and settle on what just happened.

Then, tip #10: Take a Shower. I recommend a shower before sex, for hygiene and seduction purposes, the shower post-sex is for the same reasons. Washing up body fluids and related bacteria can prevent urinary tract infections, plus the flow of the water might just rev you up for another round!

Most importantly, tip #11: Get a Coach. Identify in advance someone with whom you can talk to about the experience, someone with whom you can troubleshoot things. You can even start by asking them "What was your first time like?" It's curiosity!
If you've got more sex tips, share them in the comments! And here and here! Stay curious.

If a penis goes in a vagina? Great! Mouse.. Padadadadadaba!