Hi, my name's Gary Dop.  This poem is called "Pothead Pete's English Presentation" and it celebrates the way in which students, which I was one of them and I taught them, bumble through mistakes and papers and in presentations, so I wrote this and I often read it to my students before they give presentations.

Pothead Pete's English Presentation

Shakespeare, the top American writer ever,
wrote his plays in an English accent
like Russell Crowe.  Merchant of Venice

is a problem play because it's about hard crap
like racism and the civil rights movement,
but not Martin Luther King who was southern

and not in Boston like the bard,
which was Willie's nickname.  People call me
Slash.  Al Pacino's character in the movie

adapted by Shakespeare just like the play,
except Shakespeare liked boys
to play girls, and no girls were allowed

in his theaters all over the globe.  Even girl parts
like the chick who looks like Cate Blanchett,
who dresses like a boy-like Cate did 

when she played Bob Dylan--that girl's named
after the car, Portia, to indicate she's wealthy--
even those girls were boys, but nobody was gay

back then--no offense.  The Shylock wants
a pound of Jeremy Irons to pay for his sins
because Jews are going to hell

according to the Angel-Kind church, which is like
Catholics but their Pope gets divorced.
Queen Elizabeth, who still isn't dead,

banished the Jews.  During the Holocaust
Hitler killed 6 million Jews.  Israel was founded
in 1948.  One scholar, Ilikeitlikethat74

on Cheatpapers.com suggested that Shakespeare
was racist and hired a ghost writer.
Build to a passionate close--oops,

I wasn't supposed to--that was my notes.  
So we can learn much intelligence 
from Merchant

In conclusion
a quote from Pacino, who starred
in Scarface and he was the devil

in that one with Keanu Reeves: "I am a Jew.
Hath not a Jew hands." I'll skip ahead 
to stay under time, "If you prick us,

do we not bleed?"  It's like, if you tickle us,
do we not laugh?  In conclusion, you grasp
that Shakespeare is patriotic

and would have stood on the white cliffs
of Dover, Georgia with Dr. King.