John Green: Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday. I was going to make a video about Fahrenheit 451, but then after your video on Friday, I was like, I'm gonna talk about the controversial rationale for why capital gains should be taxed at a lower rate than income, but all that is going to have to wait, because, Hank, there is a pressing question in our communities, specifically the question of where it is best not to vomit.

In a recent video, I talked about when I worked at Steak N Shake, and how I had to sometimes clean vomit out of urinals, and a Nerdfighter wrote 'worst place to puke EVER.' Yeah, well, no. In fact, let me submit that there are at least five worse places to vomit than in a urinal.

The worst place to vomit is clearly into your own lungs, because that can be fatal. Aspiration of vomit is what killed Jimi Hendrix, but it's also killed lots of other nice people, so yeah, don't vomit into your lungs.

Okay, another place you don't want to vomit, and I have personal experience with this, is in a secret hiding place. So, Hank, once when I was in high school, I was at a party, and for reasons that we don't need to get into, I needed to vomit. Also for reasons we don't need to get into, but this is important to the story, I wasn't operating at like, 100% of my intellectual capacity, so I needed to throw up, but I didn't want anyone to know that I needed to throw up. And this house had vents in the floor where the air conditioning came out of, so I found a quiet corner, and I took off one of those vents, and I puked into it. Problem solved, right? Yeah, except not. Because it turns out that when you puke into duct work, the smell of that puke, like, circulates through the entire home. Also, it turns out that it's really hard to clean puke out of duct work, and sometimes part of the air ducts must be replaced at a cost of hundreds of dollars and you'll never guess who will be held financially responsible for that. The puker, in my experience, the puker is held responsible.

Number three, you don't want to vomit in space. Vomiting in space is a big problem, because your inner ear doesn't know what to do about the floaty-ness. In fact, Titov became the second person in space and the first one to there. The Soviets shut down their space program for a year because they couldn't figure out why space sickness was happening. Lots of astronauts since have reported puking and obviously it's really gross if you don't get it in the bag because it's all...floaty. But it can also be fatal if you vomit while wearing a spacesuit because of vomit aspiration, fortunately NASA has solved this problem by creating air currents around the face of the spacesuit that will push the vomit away. I LOVE NASA! Of course you still have to hang out with your puke as long as you're still in the spacesuit which only makes you more likely to keep puking. I figure if you put me on a spacewalk for like 30 minutes, by the time I came back it would be like, half John-half vomit.

Number four, this also comes from my time working in restaurants. You don't want to puke on a bathroom mirror. I used to bus tables at this restaurant and one time somebody puked on the mirror and I had to clean it and I went in there and it's not that there's the puke there's also the reflection of the puke and this particular bathroom had a side mirror so there were like infinite reflections of the puke going on for eternity! But then, of course as you're cleaning you've got your face reflected in the mirror and it's pot-marked with someone else's puke which makes you puke. But you, having learnt your lesson in high school about where not to puke, puke IN THE TOILET LIKE A GROWN UP! Sorr- I'm very passionate about this.

And lastly, the place aside from your own lungs that you want to puke the least: Onto another person. Now Hank, you're probably sitting in Missoula thinking "I've never puked on someone". Well, I want you to do me a favor, call our parents and thank them. Because you did puke on them...repeatedly! I know this because children are always puking onto their parents. Henry once puked into my half-open mouth! I was just holding him up like this and I was like "You are such a cute b- OH MY GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME?!".
Nerdfighters, just a word of advice whenever you're furious with your parents or you think they're terrible just remember... You vomited on them; and they kept you.

So there you have it Hank. Five places you really don't want to vomit.
For those Nerdfighters who've been like "Are they only going to make like, profound videos now?"
How do you like these apples? Best wishes!
Hank, I'll see you on Friday!