Good morning Hank it's Wednesday! And I'm vlogging while biking! Hank, it's another beautiful day here in Indianapolis. I'm loafing at my ease, observing some spears of summer grass. You did totally blow my mind on Monday with that whole "Size of the Universe" video thing. And now I am totally gonna blow YOUR mind by discussing how post-structural literary analysis led to what Michel Foucault famously called "the insurrection of subjugated knowledge's."

Okay, I figure Hank probably turned off the video around the "fu" in "Foucault," but Hank, if by some miracle you're still watching even after hearing me quote Foucault pluralizing the word "knowledge"...

First, I commend you; and second, I order you to stop watching this video immediately. Seriously. Katherine, make him stop watching NOW.

Hello there, Nerdfighters; for the first time in more than three years, we are free from the tyranny of Hank! Okay, so listen: in two weeks, it will be May fifth, aka Hank's thirtieth birthday, aka HANKO DE MAYO! That's right, we are a mere two weeks away from the thirtieth and hopefully best ever Hanko de Mayo, and, we gotta get ready.

So recently, during a live show, I was asking Nerdfighters what they thought we should get Hank for his thirtieth birthday, and we were all completely flummoxed because the problem with Hank is that he doesn't really like anything... He likes ideas, but it's not like you can get someone the scientific method for their birthday. But then we realized that Hank DOES like oxygen. So here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna come together and, as a community, the Nerdfighters are going to plant trees and plants. For Hank. Which we will call Hank Trees and Hank Plants, even though they will not be made of Hank.

So, if you can, plant a seed or a tree sapling or some plants on Hank's behalf and then photograph or videotape yourself doing that, and then email those photos to me at sparksflyup@gmail.com. And then all of us will be in a huge Vlogbrothers Hank Tree-planting video. Your deadline is May third; please include your location, and the number of plants or trees you planted, in your email. To be clear, I'm not saying that you plant the trees inside your email, I'm saying that you tell me how many trees you planted inside your-- GUHH, GRAMMAR.

Oh, and if you wanna upload a video for Hank's birthday on May fifth, let me encourage you to do so, but let me also encourage you to use corn dogs as birthday cakes. (Hank likes corn dogs.)

In a related story, mmm-BAM. [picture of Hank "Corn dogs" shirt] That's right, we are making a sequel to the "Pizza" shirt: Hank's "Corn dogs" shirt. The Hank shirt will be available for pre-order for one week and one week only, and then it'll ship in like three weeks. So if you want to get a "Corn dogs" shirt, you can order one; there's a secret link in the doobly-doo. Half my proceeds from the "Corn dogs" shirt will go to planting trees where there used to be trees but there aren't trees anymore but there should be trees again? and the other half will go to supplemented bank account I have recently set up to allow Nerdfighteria to buy Hank 30 presents for his 30 years. [picture of corn dog maker] That's our first present. Bearing in mind those presents must be--what's a nice word for cheap--inexpensive, please leave your suggestions in comments and I will pick 29 of them. [voice over while John points to comments area:] Sometimes I find myself wanting to do Vlogbrothers voice over, like, "The old man looks funny when he points at his pants."

So that's what we're gonna do for the thirtieth Hanko de Mayo; please take pictures and video of yourself planting trees and plants; if you don't have a yard where you can plant such things, you can always plant them in a container garden?

Nerdfighteria, let's give Hank what he wants more than anything: a higher overall oxygenation level of the planet. I will try to answer any questions you have in the comments; thank you for being awesome, it is a pleasure to spend time with you sans Hank.

[with puppy-sized elephant on head:] To the puppy-sized elephant, my puff is a forest!