Hey guys, it's Chelsea and this week's video is brought to you by national debt relief. So we wanted to do something fun in this new year and decided to ask TFT viewers to send in some of their most embarrassing money questions, things that they've never asked anyone because they were simply afraid of how people might react. We selected our favorite questions and brought in some experts to help answer them, and we hope that even if these aren't your questions, they will help us all feel a little bit less alone in the mistakes that we might have made or the things that we don't know yet. So, let's get right into it. Question 1 Recently, I was on a date with a guy I'm really getting to like. And I flat-out panicked midway through the meal and had to make up a terrible excuse to go home. The real issue, though, is that I was literally having a panic attack over my student debt, which wakes me up at night and makes me feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest and most importantly makes me feel like I will never get married because who will want to marry someone with two hundred and eighteen thousand dollars of debt and basically no way to pay it off before I'm dead even just typing out that number made me nauseous. I want to see this guy again. But I'm so paranoid about telling him what do I do to get over this anxiety Joanne. Joanne, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. This is something that we hear about all the time at TFD and I want to say that first and foremost because I want you to know that you are not alone in that. In fact, the average millennial is dealing with about $38,000 of debt, and you might have seen a recent EFT video we did that will link you guys in the description that's all about a woman who is herself dealing with over $200,000 of student debt and is by the way very happily partnered while doing it your story is actually an extremely common one and while that might not totally get rid of your anxiety about it. It's always important to remind yourself of that there's probably even a good chance that the guy you're talking about in this story is dealing with debt too, but knowing how to deal with debt, especially in the context of a relationship, is extremely important in the video I mentioned the woman I was interviewing is specifically not getting married because it would derail her very specific debt repayment programs and learning about the programs that are available to you with so much debt to either have that debt partially forgiven or at least paid off more intelligently is a great first step will link you to information in the description about the programs that might be available to you but being upfront with any partner about your financial status and your long-term plans is always going to be step two there are many ways to make it so that one person's dead in a partnership does not impact the other person for example remaining domestic partners instead of marrying each other, but you might not even have to consider that many people would genuinely be okay with taking on someone else's massive debt Lauren of TFD actually married her husband knowing that he had over six figures of debt, and it didn't change her desire to commit to him at all. She even made a video about facing down this debt as a couple, but beyond that, this anxiety that you're dealing with about your debt even outside of the context of a relationship is totally unsustainable. Talk to someone about your debt start by seeing if your insurance might cover a visit with a therapist to talk about this anxiety and if not check out some of the free resources available to you to start talking about your debt and dealing with it in an emotional way our personal finance friend Melanie Lockard of dear debt started that blog because she felt hopeless about her debt, and she now shares stories every day of people who are either dealing with those same feelings or have overcome them. Remember that you are not alone, your debt is not who you are and nothing about it makes you unlovable. Just keep swimming question-I am someone who genuinely can't trust myself with a credit card. I had a visa in college maxed it out cut it up and have paid the minimum every month since I'm basically just paying interest at this point. Then I got the Macy's card because it really does provide amazing deals, and I thought it was because I was older and wiser. I'd be able to trust myself with it, but lo and behold I found myself dropping into Macy's constantly to take advantage of the deals on stuff I definitely didn't need. I'm paying that one back at a slightly better pace, but I've had to cut it up to how do I get over my terrible credit card cycle and learn to be a damn adult about it. When someone hands me money Haley to help answer this question we brought in an expert on the topic of dealing with debt, it's our friends over at national debt relief. And here's what they had to say, hi Haley, This is a typical concern that we come across daily in this economy. You need credit to be approved for mortgages, apartment rentals, car loans, etc. store credit cards are very enticing with the constant advertisement of great deals which continue the cycle of the need to buy the first thing is to master the task of managing funds via credit cards by keeping a documented ratio of funds spent versus payments made. This helps with the budgeting process which will make it easier to balance the second thing is you want to set up an automatic savings plan either with the help of an app or just through your bank account to build up an emergency fund for life's unexpected expenses this forces you to save and can hopefully help you avoid financial hardship, there are times due to financial hardships that we miss an occasional payment or fall into making minimum payments. Minimum payments may not work in your best interest due to high-interest rates potential late fees and the extended time period which leads to higher death in this case There are several options that are available based on your personal circumstances, such as credit counseling, debt settlement consolidation, etc. We all go through this at some point, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck to you, crystal from national debt relief if you are dealing with debt yourself. One highly rated option that you might want to check out is national debt relief. There is a Better Business Bureau, a plus accredited and number one-rated debt relief company with over 11,000 client reviews and growing daily. They help clients resolve debt for just a part of what they owe plus they're totally performance-based and take no fees until your debt is reduced if you are dealing with over $10,000 of unsecured debt things like credit cards medical bills or personal loans you are not alone go to national debt relief comm slash TFD to get a free report comparing all of your debt relief options question 3 I am the poor one of my friend group. Basically, I went to a very nice private high school on a scholarship, and the same with my college. And now I'm in an industry where I'm surrounded by rich kids who are now adults but guess what, their parents still help them with rent at 30. My friends don't know what it means to be poor to have to help your parents financially or even just to live on a budget honestly. They think poor is not being able to take two international vacations a year. I love my friends. But I am tired of feeling like I have to choose between being an odd woman out or maxing out a credit card to keep up with, how do I deal with this Kayla girl? I have been there. I know exactly what it feels like to be the poor one in a group of rich friends, and it can totally erode your sanity as well as your credit score, and from that experience, I have learned a few things that are always true.

 

First of all, you just have to just accept that they have more money than you do. And that is not likely to change in the immediate future. That means you don't have to feel bad about not being able to do everything that they do. And you don't have to explain yourself about it. You are just simply not going to live the same life as they do. So, you can stop torturing yourself. Secondly, you need to integrate the words it's not in my budget into your vocabulary. If you are not clear with your friends that you can't afford something, you can't blame them for going along with it when you charge it to your credit card learning to be open with your friends about your situation is the only way you can expect to improve it and If they make you feel badly about it, then you shouldn't be friends with them. No one who makes you feel that way is worth your friendship and even if they are really understanding about it. It's probably best for your long-term mental health and finances to find at least a few friends who are more on your level, money-wise. Check out some meetup groups, clubs, or even websites to find people in your area that you can spend time with without having to feel like you're keeping up with them. There's nothing wrong with having friends outside of your tax bracket. But if you are the only one who is constantly feeling awkward and unable to fully participate, that is always going to lead to a bad situation. Question 4 I always read how important it is to pay yourself first, which I try to do by automatically transferring money to my savings account after each paycheck, however almost every month Something comes up, and I end up transferring money back to my checking account to cover it. And I'm not talking about emergencies, I just mean fun things that I simply want to buy, or do I do have a budget? And I've worked out how much I can afford to spend after my main expenses, including that transfer to savings. But I don't have the discipline to not transfer money back to my checking account whenever I want it and therefore, I always go over a budget. How do I figure out how to stop this habit, Ashley? So, first and foremost, keep your savings account at a separate bank from your checking account so that it's an extreme hassle to move that money over to your checking account if you want to spend it the more roadblocks and obstacles you can put in your own way to stop yourself from spending your money the better and sometimes even a small obstacle like That one can be the difference between a $40 impulse withdrawal, so you can go to a 3d movie and realizing that you actually don't want or need to see Star Wars for a third time in the theaters, But second of all, make sure there is always enough wiggle room in your budget to be doing the things that you want to be doing one of the biggest causes of overspending is not giving yourself enough room to do the things that you enjoy in the first place which puts you in a cycle of financial binging figure out roughly how much you need in your monthly budget to have those me spending moments that let you feel satisfied and can sitter even taking on like one odd job a month to make sure that that expense is covered while still having your savings be the same you don't have to go crazy restricting yourself, but you do have to kind of retrain your brain to feel that it's actually better and more exciting to get those moments of joy within a preset budget. And I actually found that adding to my calendar a once-weekly fun but totally free event left me feeling that equal amount of kind of like social satisfaction, like you, you're doing something without always having to spend money to get it. Maybe you could have a rotating board game and why night at your friends' houses. Maybe you could join a meeting group, you could start a weekly bike ride or workout with friends. Above all, make sure that whatever it is that you're doing you're not always automatically equate enjoy with spending money. Question five. My husband makes, depending on the year, about four to five times what I make. It's not even that he makes so much money I'm just a librarian who makes next to nothing and Because of this, I feel a real sense of feminist shame like I'm living some nineteen-fifty stereotype, but also be an obligation to let him determine our financial pathway and major decisions because it's mostly his money. So who am I to say how do I reconcile the equitable financial relationship I want to have with the reality that he makes the vast majority of the money Anna, So being a feminist has nothing to do with how much you're earning or how much you're earning in relation to your partner. You can have an egalitarian and equally supportive relationship with someone even if you are earning literally no money when you got married You made a decision to move through life and through money as a team, so those long-term decisions you're talking about should be made as partners. What would happen if one of you stopped working to raise a child or went back to school or literally anything that would interrupt the cash flow on their end, Would that person suddenly effectively have the same amount of say and the family's finances as a child would of course not. Marriage and money don't work like that. From the way you wrote your question, it actually sounds like it's you who's bringing most of these preconceived notions and pressures into the relationship in one chapter of our book We actually have an interview with money and relationships expert Olivia Mellon who gave us some recommendations for how to people can retain a strong sense of self financially in a marriage and one recommendation that she gives for women specifically in these marriages and long-term relationships is to always keep a separate account with some of her own money. It can be largely symbolic, but having your own emergency fund can give you a surprising amount of self-confidence and self-esteem it means that if something were to happen to your partner or to you as a couple you would be able to take care of things financially yourself and saving it up in the first place requires a lot of financial discipline it's totally understandable to feel some level of self-consciousness about earning way less in a relationship but at a certain point fixating on that just becomes a waste of time don't worry about who is bringing in what worry about what you're working on together This video was brought to you by national debt relief, a Better Business Bureau a plus accredited and number one-rated debt relief company. Go to nationaldebtrelief.com/TFD to get a free report of all of your debt relief options. Stop fearing your debt and start handling it as always. Thank you for watching, and don't forget to hit the subscribe button and to come back every Tuesday for new and awesome videos. Bye.