Emma: So...it's been a while since I've recorded one of these things.  Actually, this will be the first one of the year.  Um, a new year means new beginnings and brand new opportunities.  I hope your year so far has been Emma approved!  So...yes...there was a bit of an issue with my last former client, but uh, well, we don't need to rehash that, now do we?  The good news is I took some time off, relaxed, breathed, got centered and now I am ready for action.  I am Emma Woodhouse, and I am back and better than ever.  Really.  I swear.  

(Emma Approved Intro plays)

Emma: So where was I these past few weeks?  Where wasn't I!  I decided the bestest dad ever and I needed to start the new year off by doing our own version of Eat, Pray, Love...but we only made it to the first part in Italy.  Who needs the rest of that personal growth stuff when you have wine from Tuscany and shoes from Milan?  Besides, January is a downtime in the lifestyle profession, all the big parties have been planned and executed, and everyone is so gung-ho about their New Years' Resolutions that they don't realize they need my help becoming better people until mid-February, and my match-making clients are all matched up.  All 20 of them.  Heh.  So, now that I am back at work, I am ready to dive in, and I will prove to everyone that nothing has changed.

Alex: Oh, really?

Emma: Exhibit A: Knightley spying.  

Alex: You sound like you're doing better.  

Emma: I'm great, Alex Knightley!  Nothing can stop me.  

Alex: So your time in Italy did you good?

Emma: Of course it did.  And now I am ready, so ready, born ready!

Alex: You know, it would be okay, normal even, to feel unsure after a professional setback.

Emma: I am not a normal person, Alex Knightley!

Alex: Oh, I know.  

Emma: Do not doubt me!  

Alex: I don't think I'm allowed to.  

Emma: Why would I be unsure?  Because my perfect record is gone?  It's broken.  Busted.  Smashed.  Shattered.  Crushed.  Demolished.  

Alex: Pulverized?

Emma: Do you want me to be depressed?  Is that what you want from me?

Alex: No, I want you to be okay to get back to work and maybe lay off the thesaurus.  

Emma: Like I said, I am ready to work.  

Alex: Well, that's good, because I scheduled an hourly on the calendar for today.  Figured we could start you off small, ease you back into it.  

Emma: Great, hehe.  

Alex: Is it?

Emma: Yes, I will take your softball and knock it out of the park!  

Alex: Great.  That sounds like you're back.

Emma: And better, Alex Knightley.  And better.  Alright, my first consultation after the fall, just get right back on the horse, how hard can this be?  This time, it'll be better, I'll listen more, be more receptive, observational, I just need to remember things like flowers--those are romantic, and Icelandic yogurt, not so much.  Okay, seriously, how did I not see that coming?  How did I miss every single one of the signs?  And the hardest part was having to tell Harriet.  She had really fallen for state Senator Scumbag Elton.  Harriet took it pretty well.  Although because she had the flu, I couldn't tell if she was crying or just really puffy.  I gave her a couple weeks off, too, and I thought she was using that time to heal.  Sure, every time we talked on the phone, there were depressing showtunes in the background, but I figure that was part of her process.  And then, this morning, she came into the office with bangs.  Luckily, they look really good on her, but I know a cry of pain when I see one.  It's one of the reasons I'm good at what I do.  You know what?  I am good at what I do.  So what if I made a slight error?  The important thing is that I learn from it, and use it to hone my skills into the ultimate weapon of lifestyle excellence.  Hm.  Harriet, bring on my hourly client.

Harriet: Right away, Emma.

Emma: In one short hour, I will make this random person's life better than they ever thought possible.  Good morning, I am Emma Woodhouse.  How can I make your life better?

Oh, God, and don't get me started on waiting, just grab the first boy who shows interest in you, yes, that's what you should do, or--uh, or you could wait.  Wait.  Wait for a friend of yours to come in and show you who you should be with, and if they screw up your life in the process, then you know, just throw them out in the trash, like the garbage they are.  

Alex: Right.  Yeah, I am sorry for the confusion.  Absolutely, we will refund your session.  Yeah, and I'd like to offer you another consultation in a few weeks completely for free, if--hello?   And she hung up.  Hey, Harriet.

Harriet: Hi, Mr. Knightley.  Why do you have the camera set up?

Alex: Oh, every time I take it down, Emma will just put it back up, so I decided just to leave it there, but don't worry, I took the battery out.  So, how are you doing?

Harriet: I don't think--uh, never mind.  I'm okay.  

Alex: Really?

Harriet: Yeah.  The time off helped, but it's good to be back at work.  You told me to tell you when Emma got off the phone.  

Alex: Oh, I know.  I just got off the phone with a client, too.  

Harriet: Wow.  Sounds like it didn't go well.

Alex: Nope.  I've been worried about this ever since Emma said she would take this client and 'knock it out of the park'.  

Harriet: Because you didn't think she could?

Alex: Because Emma used a sports metaphor, and that's a cry for help if I've ever heard one.  

Harriet: Well, what are we going to do?

Alex: We're going to call in some backup.  

Harriet: Are you calling her dad?

Alex: No, Emma walks all over her father, we need the big guns.  Hey, by the way, I wanted to let you know, I like the hair.  

Harriet: Really?  Thanks.

Alex: Hello?  Izzy, are you and John busy?