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I hope this uploads
Good morning Hank, it's Thur- what? What is today? What? It's Wednesday, January 9th? 10th? 10th. Boy, I'm out of it. Hi girls who are being used as objects to sell other objects! Sorry about the patriarchal oppression. Good luck selling Dodge Caravans! I was inspired by your video blog yesterday to calculate my own carbon footprint, so, um, I'm gonna go to and do it, and then it's gonna be pretty boring so I'm gonna speed up the tape. ("Union Maid" by Old Crow Medicine Show plays) Hank, I produce 16 tons of carbon a year. That is lower than the United States average of 18.58, but it's still really bad. Sixteen tons of carbon would fill three Olympic-sized swimming pools. Global warming solution idea: What if we took a lot of Olympic-sized swimming pools and we filled them with carbon and we shot them into space? Wouldn't that work? Can you shoot an Olympic-sized swimming pool into space? Is there a way to condense the carbon dioxide into swimming pool-sized shapes? Anyway, I think this could work; I don't understand why no one thought of it before. I just read on the internet that it only costs six dollars per ton to get rid of your carbon footprint. Uhh, that means that it's only gonna cost me, like, I'm not very good at math, hold on, I'm gonna call Daniel. I dunno, he's not answering, maybe he's doing real math. *sigh* Hey, how's it goin? Is 21 minus eight fourteen? Oh, this is one of those this is one of those, like, abstract math jokes. It's funny you should say that because I'm actually recording this on a video blog right now because I have a question for you. What's sixteen times six? It's 96. Do you see how fast he did that? He doesn't have a calculator. 96. $96 a year, that's what it would cost to offset my carbon consumption. Or my carbon production or whatever. If I pay Al Gore $96, I will not have any global warming attached to my name. I think you can pay him directly, I think you just write him a check, and he just takes care of it. He does, he eats the carbon. That's exactly right, that's how he does it, he eats the carbon. And then when he poops it out, it's actually political gold.