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Last sync:2021-08-20 15:45
In which Fake Hank and John answers Real Questions from Real Nerdfighters.

You can check the chatbot out by searching for it, I don't want to link to it because I think we'd crash it. But you can get Shuffle and hang out with people in the Dear Hank and John episodes here:

(This video is not sponsored, I just love that they turned us into an AI.)

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Good morning John, it’s question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real Nerdfighters. And it’s not really Tuesday, and it’s not really gonna be me.

Like the Nerdfighters are real, the questions are real, but am I real?

Shuffle is a podcast app, and yes, in thanks for doing this, I do have to say you should check out their service.

I actually think it’d be pretty cool if a lot of Nerdfighters used it for Dear Hank & John because you get to like react and interact with the podcast with other people, kind of. So, that might be cool.

But regardless, the point is that they have taken the tremendous amount of transcripts of the words that you and I have said, John. And they have created an AI chat bot that is a mash up of the two of us.

Which is something else because sometimes you can tell when it’s you and when it’s me.

And so I am doing a Question Tuesday, but I’m not answering the questions. Artificial Hank and John are.

Rachel asks, "What should I do about the creeping dread?"

"Hmm… I would recommend that you try to do the thing that you need to do to reach those goals. Then turn that dread into excitement because you’re about to go for it."

I mean that one was me. That one’s definitely me. It sounds like good advice. Is it? Probably not. Most of the stuff that sounds like good advice isn’t.

Megan wants to know, "Do you play minecraft?"

"Minecraft minecraft minecraft minecraft minecraft minecraft minecraft mine-."

"How many socks are too many socks?"

"I dunno, 12."

This, out of all the things the AI said, I think is the most inaccurate. I own a sock subscription for charity, there’s no such thing as too many socks.

"You’re challenged to a duel, what’s the weapon?"

"Trampoline dodge ball."

I mean, hell yeah. That, yes.

Oat Milk Stan wants to know, "What do you recommend to pass the time while I recover from wisdom teeth removal?"

"I would recommend that if you have had wisdom teeth removed recently, that watching Crash Course videos at twice speed is probably the best way to pass the time."

Is it? Like, just after anesthesia? Did you mean half speed?

"Chicken fingers dipped in applesauce or French fries dipped in Frosty?"

"Definitely French fries dipped in something because in any comparative tasting of applesauce or French fries dipped in Frosty, the fries are going to win every time."

I mean with a very tiny exception that sounds like exactly what I would say.

"Is there a specific reason humans get so attached to stuffed animals?"

"I think it’s natural selection. I think as we’ve evolved to be more social, we’ve sort of developed the need for that attachment through activities like filmmaking, music, art--still forms of storytelling--or you can tell a story."

We got a little lost at the end there but that is a Vlogbrothers vibe.

"When eating a bicycle, where should one start?"

"I would venture to say the handlebars first. The spokes might try to escape or rebel, and the tire could explode."

That there feels very uncanny valley to me. It’s like it thinks it knows what it’s like to be a person but it actually doesn’t.

"If you could turn one person into a pelican, who would it be and why?"

"I’d like to turn Prince Harry into a pelican because he can dance like one."

I mean that’s funnier than anything I would have said. That’s funnier than anything I would have said.

"Favorite cursed item Nerdfighteria has turned into a meme?"

"Oh god, I don’t know that we’ve cursed any specific item. We discovered the train song huh huh but we didn’t realize that that was cursed, but that's cursed."

I don’t know for sure what train song the AI is talking about here, but I’m pretty sure it’s this one.

[Song playing] "All aboard the choo choo train, all aboard all aboard, choo choo."

Did I discover that? No. I kinda rediscovered it though, and it is- I like it and it is also cursed.

"Favorite social media platform?"

"I like Twitter a lot because I get there first thing in the morning and they blur the lines a bit between what’s news and what’s... not news."

That actually made me feel a little bit too seen, AI bot.

"Best pizza topping?"

"Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought wistfully of the pepperoncinis and mushroom pizzas that I used to eat while I lived in Ohio. It remains in my brain as the perfect marriage of pepperoni + fungus."

And that’s some hardcore John Green vibes for you right there.

And let’s finish off with one from Payton who asks, "What is your new furby’s name?" It’s not named yet, so the AI gets to do it.

It’s "Philip."

This has been delightful, if a little unsettling. And I was having kind of a hard time figuring out how to end this video, but then I realized I could just turn to the artificial intelligence.

John, "Wear sunscreen." I’ll see you on Tuesday.