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Last sync:2018-04-30 01:30
Some good, clean, American fun.

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Follow along:

Chris: Would you say John and I are your favorite clients you've ever had?

Laura: Hmmm, I say that- I say that to everyone. John: But I noticed you didn't just say it to us.

 NewSection (0:12)

*Background music*

 NewSection (0:13)

Chris: 'Kay, just tell me when to start.

Laura: Go.

Chris: Tell me when. Now?

 NewSection (0:17)

John (off-camera): That thing is very... it needs some DW-40, BTW.

 NewSection (0:21)

Chris: Now- You meant now.

Laura: I meant like-

Chris: Okay. Laura: Five seconds ago.

 NewSection (0:25)

Chris: How's it goin' man?

Person: Good, how are you?

Chris: Alright.

Person: What are you guys up to?

Chris: Oh, just filming a YouTube show. Person: (?~1:58) Chris: Yeah, about great tennis.

 NewSection (0:33)

John: We're going rogue. We're going rogue!

 NewSection (0:36)

Chris: You know, I did get a inquiry about doing some modelling for John: Yeah- *laughs*

 NewSection (0:41)

John: is just blowing up lately (Chris: *mind-blown*). You won't even know for sure until you go to the site yourself.

 NewSection (0:50)

John: Oh, it's magnificent. You look like Michelangelo's David. Chris: Like if Michelangelo's David if pizza and nachos had been invented back then? (John: *laughs*)

 NewSection (0:56)

Person: Hold from your legs.

Chris: Look at- look at you, are those full splits?

Person: Get it, get it! Chris: Those are full f****** splits. (Various: *laughs*)

 NewSection (1:03)

John: Woooooo! Oh my god!

 NewSection (1:06)

John: That was the hardest thing I did today.

 NewSection (1:07)

John: That was one of the hardest things I did.

 NewSection (1:09)

John: That was hard.

 NewSection (1:10)

John: This was definitely the worst other than boxing.

 NewSection (1:11)

Chris: That was too much.

 NewSection (1:12)

John: Well, that sucked.

 NewSection (1:13)

Chris: Oh, I got a f****** cramp!

 NewSection (1:15)

Chris: My a** is sore from lunges the other day.

John: Mine too, man. My a** is like- has only been this sore once before. Bonnie Micheli: *laughs*

 NewSection (1:20)

Chris: Basketball is so much f****** more fun than this, Laura! Laura: Oh, come on!

 NewSection (1:24)

*sneaker squeaks, heavy breathing, and other basketball noises* John: Hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

 NewSection (1:30)

John: So, when this is over, Sarah, I'm going to need you to come here twice a week with me for the rest of our lives. Sarah: *laughs*

 NewSection (1:34)

Chris: I think Andre Agassi would've been proud of that one. Andre Agassi would stuff that right back in my f****** throat.

 NewSection (1:40)

Chris: Can you name every state capital?

John: Montpelier, Vermont.

Chris: *grunts*

John: Bismarck in North Dakota.

Chris: What about South Dakota? John: *inhales* Pierre?

 NewSection (1:49)

John: Still look like a doofus doing this! Laura: Not as doofus-y!

 NewSection (1:53)

John: Still don't love this.

 NewSection (1:54)

*clapping and breathing*

 NewSection (1:58)

Chris: Why I had that- we can't do that.

John: Nope. Chris: No, no, no, cut that!

 NewSection (2:01)

Chris: There were so many jokes to be made there that were inappropriate. (Various: *chuckles*)  

 NewSection (2:05)

John: Nobody can use the- (Chris: No.) We can't use any of this. John: It's all gonna have to be muted- ahhh!

 NewSection (2:09)

Chris: Embarass yourself on national YouTube. (Off-camera: hehe.) Is this regional or national YouTube?

 NewSection (2:16)

John: That's not gonna be in the show, let's move on.

 NewSection (2:18)

Chris: Engage that core.

Laura: Yep. Chris: Engage it.

 NewSection (2:21)

John: Ngggghghghggghghggghhghghg- uuuuuuhhhhh. Chris and

Laura: 4:15!

Laura: Is that even burning? Chris: Should've done 4:20, bruh. (Various: *chuckles*)

 NewSection (2:29)

Chris: *slaps legs* C'mon! *slaps legs again* C'mon!

 NewSection (2:32)

Chris: Yeah, there you go, Johnny. (Off camera: hehehe.) Get it, Johnny!

 NewSection (2:36)

John:  Good lord-

Laura: Hold on, no no no, don't let go.

John: It's really hard. 

Laura: You have a relationship for about five minutes with this. So...

Chris (to apparatus): Hi, my name is Chris.

John (to apparatus): I'm John.

Chris (to apparatus): What's your name?

John (to apparatus): What type of stuff do you like to do for fun?

 NewSection (2:46)

Chris: Okay. John: This is a weird bit.

 NewSection (2:48)

John: *heavy breathing* Still hate this shot.

 NewSection (2:53)

John: I still hate this shot.

 NewSection (2:54)

*heavy breathing, wind, and loud rustling* John: This is horrible!

 NewSection (2:57)

Chris: I'm not very good at food tracking... umm... *makes an odd face* John: What is that?

Chris: That's the face- uhh, that's a weird face.

John: Oh, that they can use? *laughs*

Chris: Yeah, they can use like- *makes another odd face*

 NewSection (3:08)

Chris: *embodies every loud gym bro ever* That good?

John: See what you needed? He got more than I needed.

Laura (Off camera): *laughs*

 NewSection (3:26)

John: It's also fragile, Chris, and the thing is, when death comes for you, its embrace is so absolute.

 NewSection (3:33)

Laura: ...position?

John: This would be, like, if I ever wanted a new portrait drawn... (Laura: *laughs*)

 NewSection (3:36)

Chris: You say something sometimes, and it- you're really good at it.

 NewSection (3:39)

John: I don't have enough spatial intelligence to get your- to get your sex jokes. (Laura (Off camera): Alright, ready? Three...)

 NewSection (3:42)

Laura: You know, I got these at a toy store.

Chris: I can tell. Laura: *laughs*

 NewSection (3:46)

Chris (singing... kind of): Let's get physical... physical

 NewSection (3:49)

Chris (singing... kind of... again): Kris Kross will make ya'... jump, jump... (Laura: Ah, can't do that here!) Daddy Mac will make ya'... (John: Can't include this.) jump. Oh.

 NewSection (3:55)

John: Chris is a master of ancient memes.

 NewSection (3:57)

Chris: I'm like Vince Vaughn in Old School.

 NewSection (3:59)

Chris: I'm a middle-aged man trying to stay relevant.

 NewSection (4:02)

Chris (singing... not well... still): deh deh deh deh deh deh deh deh dehhhhhyeeehh... deh deh deh deh deh deh deh deh dehhhhhyeeehh... 

 NewSection (4:06)

Chris: You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

 NewSection (4:11)

John: The year 1930... the Depression is rocking America! And Chris Water is making... cultural references.

 NewSection (4:20)

Chris (more bad singing) Jump up, jump up, and get down.

 NewSection (4:22)

Chris: Is- Oh- Is it Her-mee-nee? Is that her name? John: Oh my god.

 NewSection (4:23)

*clapping and breathing* John: Finally got it on the last one.

 NewSection (4:31)

Chris: It's like the feeling you get at the end of reading a great book (Off camera: Yeah.) . I'm sure that if I ever finished An Abundance of Katherines, (Off-camera: *wheeze*)(John: You'll feel that way.) that I would probably get that... mental euphoria.

 NewSection (4:45)

Chris: And he's in his radio, deep radio voice, and he's like, "Falling in love is like falling asleep."

John then Chris: *laughs*

Chris: "A little and then all at once."

John: *laughs*

 NewSection (4:56)

John: Day 99. We still don't- we still don't got it! Nope! (

Chris: Come on.) Look at the elbows. There we go! (Chris: Good sound.)

 NewSection (5:05)

John: That's good, clean, American fun right there.

 NewSection (5:08)

Chris: Laura, thank you.

Laura: That's a firm handshake.

John: No, we're ending on the Bon Jovi thing, so this is- we don't need any of this. We got the ending.

 NewSection (5:15)

*Background music*