YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=BhkbZ0J-o88
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View count:1,864,457
Likes:56,241
Dislikes:328
Comments:8,855
Duration:03:59
Uploaded:2013-02-26
Last sync:2019-06-13 19:30
In which my 3-year-old son Henry and I cook macaroni and cheese, boiled asparagus, communist celery, blueberries, and sweet potato fries for dinner while Sarah is out of town. Hilarity ensues.

Inspired by Hannah Hart: http://www.youtube.com/user/MyHarto
John: Good morning, Hank; it's Tuesday.

So Hannah Hart asked people who donated to her Kickstarter to show off their kitchens because she might come cook in them...

Henry: Daddy...

John: Yes?

Henry: Are you hungry?

John: I'm not hungry; are you hungry?

Henry: Yeah.

John: I am too. I was lying before. All right, we should eat some dinner! So we're going to cook dinner, and show off our kitchen for Hannah Hart! Do you think we should start with a drink?

Henry: Um... OK!

John: How about fresh squeezed grapefruit juice?

Henry: No! How about we make... grapefruit juice!

John: You want to make grapefruit juice?

Henry: Yeah.

John: I'm listening. I'm into it; let's try it. All right, Henry, what is the first step in making grapefruit juice?

Henry: What?

John: We have to get...

Henry: Grapefruits!

John: That's correct! Who does the cutting with sharp knives in this family?

Henry: You.

John: That's right. Who doesn't?

[pause] Henry: Mamma.

John: No, it's you. By the way, who's the better cook; is it Daddy or Mommy?

Henry: Um, you.

John: That's just not accurate. [making juice] Whoa! Every great meal starts with a great juice. You want to have a little bit of grapefruit juice, and then you want to spike it.

Henry: And then you want to spike it?

John: I recommend spiking with water. Mmm... mine is delicious; how's yours?

Henry: Sour!

John: So, Hank, once you have your first cocktail, you're ready to start cooking, and in our house, that means... what's for dinner? [pause] Macaroni and cheese. With a side of whatever we can find in the fridge.

Henry: No we don't!

John: Everybody likes asparagus.

Henry: But I don't!

John: Really? It's like the fruit of the sea, but it's from land.

Henry: But I don't like it.

John: Hmmm. All right, let's see what we've got here. Oh, leftovers are always promising! But that appears to have kale, so that's out. All right, so we got asparagus, mild cheddar cheese, celery, blueberries, sweet potato fries, mac and cheese, and tortillas; this is going to be great, but... we're missing one thing! [Pause] Blueberry muffins. OK, step one, feed your kid a blueberry muffin because you should have served him dinner like thirty minutes ago, but you were screwing around with grapefruit juice.  Then you're going to want to heat six cups of water for your macaroni, and, you know, like a regular amount for your asparagus. And now, Henry, experts will tell you to wait while the water is boiling, but I am not cooking for experts; I am cooking for a three-year-old. So you can really throw the asparagus in at any time you want.

Pro-tip: Put your iPhone underneath the washed asparagus...? Take the celery, and then you add like peanut butter and raisins, and it's called ants on a log.

Henry: No.

John: No?

Henry: I don't want peanut butter on it!

John: You don't want peanut butter on it?

Henry: No!

John: What are you, a Communist?

Henry: Um, YES!

John: You ARE?

Henry: Yeah.

John: That's a surprise. But you know what? I'm just happy that you're politically engaged at your age; I think that's great.

At this point, you want to start plating your freshly washed blueberries, your communist celery, meanwhile you get your asparagus started... and now is when you give up on your idea of cheesy tortillas, which, let's face it, was a terrible idea in the first place. Agreed?

Henry: Yeah.

John: Put the sweet potato fries in the microwave for maximum sogginess, which is how Henry likes them. Then have a drink, because you're getting there. Ahhh... sour.

Pro-tip: So the best way to know that your asparagus is done is when you're bored and you don't want to wait any more to eat it. Also, don't forget to put your macaroni on the wrong stove top so that it never actually boils. Take out the asparagus, that water is finally boiling... You don't want it al dente?

Henry: No.

John: You want it soggy.

Henry: Yeah.

John: You and I are on the same page, buddy.

Henry: Yeah, but I want cheese on it.

John: Yeah, soggy and cheesy. Once your pasta's good and cooked, you take it from there, and you put it in the little strainer thing... oh, this is where it can all go wrong! But it all went right! Then you add... your milk... YES... oh, it just looks delicious!

Henry: And I'm done! We have to stir it!

John: And at last, you add in the pasta!

Henry: Pasta...!!!

John: Then plate, and enjoy.

So Hank, and Hannah, that's how Henry and I make dinner together here in Indianapolis. DFTBA; I'll see you on Friday.

Can you say DFTBA?

Henry: DVF...TVA?

John: That's pretty good...