YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=9N1qcb-NeHo
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Duration:03:38
Uploaded:2014-10-09
Last sync:2019-06-14 00:00
Sometimes it's helpful to hear that your waning sex drive or lack of sexual curiosity is not the way it has to be; there are solutions when you're ready for them. This video compares bringing your sexy back to finding the love of driving again. There are lots of analogies, like talking on the phone, getting mail, even cleaning house that remind us we have so much of our trouble-shooting skill set in place, we simply need to apply it to the things that seem uh, expected of us by society to just know, because no one should be talking about them, shhh sex, shhhhhhh!

Also, I give a shout out to Subbable subscribers for 100% of our funding goal! We wouldn't be able to do it without you!

Here are the links to the six videos I suggested:

Getting the Sex You Want
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYxd3E3UXU

Regaining a Healthy Sex Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VziM56ywZ4&list=UUkxMlA7rt-mnIc1AjbyAsPw

11 Tips for the First Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_hGkcrgtdc&list=UUkxMlA7rt-mnIc1AjbyAsPw

How to Deal with Sexual Injustices
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX-9jmmiWoY

Anal Sex
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp9MT1di9as

Masturbation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClbmURYMFew&list=UUkxMlA7rt-mnIc1AjbyAsPw

And for the comment from last week's video: "I love that bit about what you would say if you weren't trying to control your partner's response. That sounds like great advice for any kind of communication." ~Jon Colverson.
What if your sex life is devoid of curiosity, kind of withering away to death? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?!

It's like being in your car on the same route to work or school: hands on the steering wheel at 10 and 2, you're listening to whatever radio station isn't running commercials at the moment, the oil change date is way past, and all the excitement of having a driver's license - gone! Now the most excitement you have is gas prices going down, and this quickly fades during the mundane pumping of it. Sometimes you wish you didn't even have to get back in the car. Just like sex, it's become a monotonous routine task: a nuisance, a woe, a chore.

First of all, there isn't anything to be ashamed of. Changes can simply mean changes. Sex drives, preferences, what you do and don't want behaviorally change. You're capricious, thank goodness! No shame. But if you want to change it, here are some ways to renew curiosity:

Schedule an oil change. In sex, this would be taking a bath, a nap, putting essential oil on your body, getting a massage, maybe a professional haircut or teeth cleaning, a nice meal, a hot date, a dance class. Whatever you need to clean up your body and mind and passion, even if it takes more of your time.

If you want sex to be important, you have to treat it like it is important. This includes regular maintenance - the washing the windshield and checking the tire pressure kind of care. I would equate this to showers, teeth brushing, eating, exercising, the general care of your self regime, so you're in a position to share with others. "But Lindsey," you say, "If I could do all of this, maybe life would be better. The problem is feeling motivated to even try." I get it. The sex you're having is not the sex you want to invest in; it's like not wanting to maintain your car because everything that has to do with your car is an energy suck.

One of the solutions is to re-frame the picture. Instead of it being "ugh this sucks," let it be playtime or animal channel. Maybe it's a casting call or a wrestling match. If sex triggers disinterest, anxiety,  nlaah, then redesign it.

A redesign typically includes new sensory information, right? So this would be sounds, sights, feels, smells, and tastes. For sound, find music that you enjoy and figure out a way for you to access it before you even start driving. Have a whole mix tape or playlist prepped, and set it at the song and volume you like. For sight, it's definitely a new route. Stop driving the same left, right, left, left, right to your destination. Use a mapping system or curiously navigate your own way to change up the scenery. For the other senses, the analogy goes air fresheners - candles, seat covers - bed sheets, heat and air conditioning - heat and air conditioning, and I don't know what for taste.

I'm not suggesting that you spend a bunch of money. I'm suggesting that you invest: time, positive mental energy, some imagination. What's going to designate that you're revving up? It may be as simple as a specific pair of underwear or a color of condom - like a riding jacket and driving gloves. If you do make a purchase, you can go to the sex shop the same way you'd go to an auto parts store. You go in with a shopping list or browse until something strikes your fancy. If nothing inspires a purchase, I would suggest the oh so universal bobblehead doll, nodding in approval.  

Here's a longer list of driving boredom solutions for you to match to sexual solutions: retake driver's ed, carpool or caravan, sit in your car without driving, plan a road trip, take your car to track day, ride a bike, sell that car on Craigslist - no, don't do that - go off-roading, attend a car show, learn to drive stick. And if the analogy doesn't work for you, there are these six videos we've already made for you that can help.

Enjoy the ride, my friends! Have fun! And stay curious.

Ah! I want to tell you one more thing. We've reached our Subbable goal. Big deal! Sexplanations makes very little on YouTube revenue. For example, our top two videos together have more than one million views and have made together less than 100 dollars. So Subbable is huge support for the work we do and with 100%, it means I don't have to volunteer for Sexplanations anymore. Thank you so much!