Nerdfighters: Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday! 

John: So Vidcon was fun, so fun, in fact, that I mostly forgot to videotape anything, except for this:

J: Can you say hi?

Hannah, Grace, Mamrie: Hi, hello, hi, hello! We'll work on it.

Oh, and also this:

Tyler: We were just talking about you.

Hannah: We were talking about nicknaming you.

Tyler: I call everyone "daddy" but you're, like, actually a dad.

And this creepy shot from a distance footage of Jack and Finn. So yeah, Vidcon was awesome and thank you so much to the staff and the volunteers and to you, Hank. I mean it was just so fun. But it was not restful.

For example three hours before I left the hotel for the airport to go home I was playing the Saved by the Bell board game with you and a bunch of other people, and in general I got very little sleep last week. Fortunately, I came home to one child with strep throat and another child who is eight weeks old and apparently a relative of the kinkajou because she is small, adorable, and seemingly nocturnal. So I'm very tired. 

However, last night at 2:30 in the morning, while I was up with Henry, I had my very first million dollar idea. 

So Hank you know about this but nerdfighters don't so I'm going to explain it to them. For the last six or so years, Hank has called me on average I'd say about once a week and the first thing he says to me is, "I have a million dollar idea."

Sometimes these million dollar ideas are excellent like the Project for Awesome or Vidcon or DFTBA Records. Sometimes they seem terrible but turn out to be great, like 2-D glasses. And usually they're just actually terrible, like the time Hank called me and said, "I have a million dollar idea. Hankgames times 2. It's just hankgames sped up so it's twice as fast." 

Anyway the one thing that these million dollar ideas have in common is that none of them has ever made me a million dollars. In fact, most of them are about, like, charity. 

But my million dollar idea is different, Hank. It is an actual million dollar idea. I just can't implement it, because I don't know how to do the programming of the apps.

Okay, there's an app that you download for your phone, or more likely your teenager's phone.  And what it does, is it starts crying.  And you can choose different ways to try to soothe your phone baby, like you can feed it, you can give it a pacifier, you can shush it.  Sometimes these things will work and your phone baby will go to sleep and then you will be able to use your phone.  And other times they won't work and your phone baby will just keep crying. Then you will try to put your phone on mute but no that is not allowed! The phone baby will keep crying.

But then eventually your phone baby will go to sleep and she will sleep peacefully for 2.5-3 hours at which point she will wake up and that will happen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 12 weeks.

Then the frequency of your phone baby's crying will slow down a lot, but still every few months something will happen to your phone baby and she'll get upset again and cry out in the middle of the night and you'll have to spend hours pushing buttons trying to figure out what is the- how do I solve you?

I know what you're thinking, Hank; this app won't work with the iPhones, or Android phones, or any phones 'cause you can just turn them off.  Well, Hank, things are going to change in the phone world thanks to my million dollar idea.

Gah, it's not that good of an idea.  It's like all of your million dollar ideas, actually it's worse than yours.  Remember when you called me and you were like "I want to make 2D glasses. They're going to take 3D movies and they're going to render them in a crisp two dimensions, but I need a thousand dollars from you in order to start this company." And I said "Go suck it." 

And now, Hank, here you are, two years later, lone king of a 2D glasses empire.  No, let's face it, Hank, I'm never going to be the brains of this operation. But I can't tell you how grateful I am to be a part of it. Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for the gift of VidCon. D.F.T.B.A., I will see you on Friday.

I said both "thank you for being awesome" and "don't forget to be awesome." But I guess they both apply, really, because they-.  Thank you, but also don't forget to continue to be awesome.  That makes sense.

DFTCB... I'm so tired.