John Green: You like the color of my shirt? Rhetorical question, of course you do.

Is he on Mount Rushmore?

And Roosevelt was also a con--I want to say conversationist.

i.e. joining the Navy. e.g. No, i.e.

Stan, you're gonna love this song. (plays song) Do you like it yet?

No, Stan, not that kind of machine. I actually looked in the right direction.

If you ever had an infant, you may notice that they poop in--and barf--BLEEPing airplanes.

Points to what Arthur Schlesinger called--Sles--Schles--Schlesinger.

Lost generation of writers who lived in--that was a weird "of writers" that was like a, a George W. Bush teleprompter moment.

(Coughs) I have to get something to drink.

To foster the seeds--BLEEPnugget.

Stan just said, and I'm quoting him directly, "now who's J-Law?" WHAT!

And inventually, and inventually? BLEEP.

That's a great hat.

I want this new refrigerator I made to go to a happy home, to a good little wonderful British couple--this isn't a funny joke.

How long has that happened, within the whole episode?

Which is the same problem that my aunt had with QVC, I mean, she doesn't even need, what is this joke?

Mr. Green, Mr. Green? Strong with the force this episode is. (bursts out laughing) That was pretty bad, right? (Stan speaking off camera)

Brown vs. Board of Education came before the Sur--damn it.

'Cause Congress also pasked---pasked?

(Mumbles) what the BLEEP is up with the planes today, is it BLEEPing plane day? Is it the BLEEPing airshow of Indianapolis?

They included Harry--the hairy general. (laughs) He was a hairy general.

But remember, that plaster--remembererer.

Seattle became a shipping and aircraft manufacturing- crap.

Let's wait for the plane...

What did McKinley ever do?

You can't teach US History if you don't know that US History culminates in Jennifer Lawrence. Are you asking who's Jennifer Lawrence?

Woah, CrashCourse is made with all of the- aughh it was a failure after all that. Now I'm committed to doing it though.

CrashCourse is.... I don't even remember the lines now. 

(flails/twirls around) That was not elegant. Hold on, I'm gonna do it elegantly. 

The problem, at least according to most econdiments- econdiments?

There's just a helicopter hovering over us. Do you wanna stop? 

North and South Vietnamam- Vietnamam? I don't wanna say that.

No president could've dealt with it effectively. Not Carter, I- I forgot Gerald Ford's name.

Oh, it's time for the mystery document? (slides over, furniture sliding everywhere around him) The rules here are simple. Too confident!

They weren't wa-warriors? They seem terribly pathetic to me. They weren't warriors. (laughs and voices from offscreen) I can't say it! I wanna say worriers. I'm a worrier not a warrior.

This is last weeks. ("OOOOOHHHHHH" from offscreen) This is last weeks mystery document.

(slides scroll tie up and down scroll) What? What's the problem? I'm just preparing to open the mystery document Stan. Phwwwww! (throws tie off the end) (starts laughing) 

And even though they weren't warriors (smirks, straightens face, starts again) And even though they weren't warriors. (repeats) How do you say that?

BLEEPMcMuffin

Oh man, that is some good writing by War Correspondent Ernie Pyle- paep! That was a weird noise. I'm gonna try that again without that noise.

But this was kinda overtly unconstitutional- can I say that? 

Liberal Bias!

Through litery tests- litery.

The- what- the- the- the Jane House- the Hull house, I know that. I've been there.

To be clear, I didn't mean to sound like a BLEEP there.

(spins globe) and if that doesn't sound like an empire to you, allow me to draw your attention to.. nope.

I'm just kidding- uh, one of my best friends is a defense attorney. I- you know what? If I was falsely accused of a crime... such as speeding... or... I'm not gonna say any of my other crimes on tape. 

(rolls through the frame and off-screen on chair, continues rolling around frame) CrashCourse is produced and directed by Stan Muller, our Script Supervisor is Meredith Danko, the show is produced by fBLEEP it.

Last weeks, oh, right, there are no phrases of the week any more. 

(waves arms around on chair) It has a slight angle so it's always turning this way. 

(twirls inelegantly) every week there's a new caption- (laughs) I'm trying it again.