John: Good morning, Hank, so here's how the Paper Towns tour went.  I said goodbye to my beloved vacation hammock and also my beloved family, and then drove across Michigan to Lansing, blasting The Mountain Goats the whole way.  Stopped only once on the drive, pee-emergency, then I was in the airport, and then on a plane, and then I was driving through New York City watching the sun set behind the skyline.  

My hotel room was fancy, but I couldn't sleep, so I woke up groggy, ironed clothes, brushed teeth, got dressed, and met up with my friend and publicist Elyse Marshall, and then headed over to the YouTube Space to meet Nat.  

Nat: John!

John: We collab-ed with The Gregory Brothers, and then did an interview with The Young Turks, where one of the interviewers was wearing a pink shirt with a green dragon breathing orange fire, like Young Margo does in Paper Towns, and my life felt weird.  

Paper Towns is about the challenge of understanding that other people are as complex as you are, which is very hard for anyone, but especially for anyone living inside this weird publicity machine, because it does ultimately sort of commodify everyone it touches, and I was thinking about that as I saw two-dimensional images of my friends, or possibly my characters, plastered all over New York City.  

Anyway, got some lunch for my publisher, Julie Strauss-Gabel, who has on her wall the first map ever made containing Agloe, NY, and we talked about how much she liked the movie, and then I had to go to Burberry to get a suit for next week's premiere and on the way, I confessed to Elyse that I was a little bit tired, and she pointed out that technically, the tour had not yet begun.  

Flew to Indianapolis and drove through my hometown before experiencing the unspeakable luxury of sleeping in my own bed.  The next morning, I discovered a trove of clean pants, which never happens even at the fanciest hotels.  Then I met up with Halston Sage and Nat and we did interviews and interviews and interviews, before heading over to the Murat theater.  

I signed books for a while in a suit that I only now realize was quite wrinkly, and then there were more interviews and more interviews and then, once I was good and sweaty, I got my picture taken with Nat and Halston.  Then the show started.  Nat and his brother Alex played some songs together, and I love both those guys so much, and I love watching them play music together, because it reminds me of my own relationship with my brother, except for the part about how Hank refuses to let me into his band, simply because I cannot sing or play any instruments.  Then I went out on stage with our great host, Akilah Hughes, and I felt this immense wave of energy and then the mayor of Indianapolis came out and declared July 14th, 2015 to be John Green Day, which, you know, very weird, and afterwards, I got to meet Anthony and Jack from the Indianapolis Colts, and then everyone was feeling pretty good and we flew to Columbus, and I got to have a drink with Akilah, and then I went to bed.

I'm not sure why I videotaped every bed on tour.  I think I was just excited about the prospect of sleeping.  

Woke up a couple hours later just a smidge tired, but the car taking me to interviews had ice cold Coke Zero in it, so that was nice.  Met up with Cara and Cara tried to adopt this mongoose-like thing named Sherman, and then we did a TV interview where Cara reluctantly beat-boxed, and I was told that the anchors really liked my book, No Fault in These Stars.  

Then we did some more interviews and then back at the hotel, I signed some books, and then went to the theater, where we got to sign for fans for a while, and then there were interviews and interviews and interviews until I was good and sweaty, which meant it was time to be photographed.  The crowd in Columbus was amazing and asked great questions and I kept thinking about how long ago my college days in Ohio felt, but before I could get properly nostalgic, we were yanked away to the airport on a flight to Dallas.  

The next morning, I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and found Nat and Halston atop a balcony.  God, I love those guys.  Then I got my makeup done, and then interviews and interviews and interviews.  Went to my room to sign some more books and then headed over to the theater where Dallas was hot.  Now, I didn't have a thermometer with me, but I think it was in the neighborhood of 15.7 million degrees Kelvin.  Fortunately, because she is a good friend, Elyse was kind enough not to videotape me getting photographed while my face melted from the heat, but then, after just two changes of shirts, I was able to meet our hosts, Gabby and Allison from Just Between Us, and then listened to Saint Motel, and finally meet the amazing crowd in Dallas who were just awesome, and then suddenly, it was over, and we were on a plane to LA.  

Hank, the Paper Towns movie is out in most of the world now, and I'm so grateful to everyone who has watched it and shared their responses via nerdfighteria's #wallofcow.  It's been a long and difficult two months for me.  I've missed my family a lot and I'm so glad to be home with them now, but what an adventure that week was, and like the best adventures, it brought me closer to people I love, so thanks to all of them, and to everyone who made the movie.  Hank, thank YOU for a great VidCon, I am now going to sleep until Friday, I will see you then.