J: Good morning Hank, It's Tuesday!

H: Good morning John!

J: He's here! It's a reunion spectacular! Ohh! I feel like you're getting stronger. As you get older.

H: ooh! uh, got, well, thanks. 

J: I feel like there's some, well...

[Hank laughs]

J: Hank, if you had to rename Twitter, what would you name it?

H: Here's the brand. CAREFUL! - exclamation point.

J: Cafeful. Careful!

H: Careful!

J:What are your go-to 2021 holiday gifts?

H: A nice towel.

J: Yeah, a good towel is great. You know what I would recommend? Signed copies of The Anthropocene Reviewed book. Which are available with a special zine written by me that contains an all new review and also written by lots of other people at DFTBA.com, link in the Dooby do, all proceeds go to charity.  I want to move the camera further away  from us so that we are both in frame.

What is the thing about yourself that you dislike the most? Let's switch it around. What is the thing about the OTHER PERSON that you dislike the most? 

H: What's one of the ones that people say in interviews? "I think John cares too much".

J: Yeah, 

H: I think he just cares too much and he works too passionately. 

J: Yes. I would say that both Hank and I are a little much.

H: Oh yeah.

J: I mean, I have spent a little time wondering what the inside of your head is like, over the years. Because you're the person I've known the longest.

H: It's funny to realise that the inside of heads are very different.

J: Even the other day you tweeted that like, you don't feel guilty for your thoughts.

H: Mmhm.

J: You sent me like a follow up text to try to, like, EXPLAIN.

H: I was worried!

J: Yeah, you were like "I don't want you to think that I'm a bad person". I was like "I don't think you're a bad person, I think you're enlightened". You can have a thought and understand that it's just a thought, that a thought is not an action.

H: Right. and I would be totally embarrassed if people knew about the thought. 

J: But they don't.

H: Yeah,

J: You understand that they don't. 

H: Just like an ocean - it's an ocean of thoughts. 

J: Yeah, but then you pick up one drop of water and you're like "this thought is dangerous and weird, and I don't like it and so I'm going to keep thinking about it" and so now there are two drops of water and now four and now there are 16 and now 32 and etcetera. 

H: I do that, but with sock sales techniques. 

J: Serious question not related to Question Tuesday - do you think you could take  your talent for selling socks (which I would argue is genuinely unparalleled)  and apply it to coffee? 

H: It's a different challenge.

J: Can you do it?

H: I bet I could.

J: I love that self belief. 

H: I have a book sales idea John. 

J: Great, what is it?

H: For when Anthropocene Reviewed is "whitelisted" or whatever?

J: Whitelisted?

H: Whitelabelled.

J: Whitelabelled?

H: When publisher's, like, "have too many of these".

J: When it is remaindered.

H: My idea is, instead of signing them, sign two dollar bills and it's a two dollar discount. 

J: one time I was at a book sorting facility, and they were like "Here's a copy of your book, Paper Towns, here's a machine where - through the algorithm or whatever - it either gets kicked int this row and goes back to the warehouse, or goes down this chute to be pulped in a machine that looks like the garbage compactor from Star Wars. I wonder what's going to happen with your book, Paper Towns!"

H: You watched it?

J: I watched it get kicked onto the conveyor belt and then chomped. 

H: Were they like "that's normal."? 

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like "That's the way the cookie crumbles!".

J: Hank, what do you want to be when you grow up?

H: Oh, um, I think an author.

J: I would love that.

H: I can't guarantee that though, because I don't know if I can write a book. I know I can write two specific books.

J: Yeah. 

H: I know I can write the books I've already written.

J: I always thought that once you write a book, you know how to do it. 

H: You don't.

J: I know as little about how to write the book I'm currently writing as I knew about how to write Looking for Alaska fifteen years ago.

H: Yeah, it's so different.

J: Or, actually, eighteen years ago. Oh god, we have to go. Hank, I'll continue to see you right now. Shiiiiiiiiiii

H: You're fine, you're doing great, we're all going to die.