Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank! My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. In a stunning turn of events, it is raining in England, and look who's come to town! It's Liverpool Football Club, the greatest football club in the history of the world.

(0:15) Um, as you may or may not know, I am a Liverpool supporter, uh, I, uh- right now I'm wearing a Liverpool T-shirt and I am sitting upon my Liverpool wallet. Uh, I love that club more than anything, and today they are going down in a blaze of glory because the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys are taking on one of the greatest football clubs- ah, I'll say it- the greatest football club in the history of the world. Let's see how we do!

(0:44) Um, we're also a little tired and as you can tell, it's a somewhat soggy pitch, um, here- you know, it's league two. We don't necessarily have the best drainage system. Anyway, that was not a foul, that was just a nice hug- a nice leg hug.

(0:59) Um, today I'm gonna talk about blood donation. This is another topic suggested by M, although one that I'm excited to talk about because it allows me to tell a funny story and, um, celebrate one of like the most interesting, uh, ways that- that we as humans kind of surprise me.

(1:16) So, um, I talked in the last video about how I don't think that the, uh, The Lord of the Flies worldview is correct- that, um, people behave... You know, basically like, um, you know, "I am strong you are weak, I shall-"

(1:29) -Oh Ho! Oh! Oh, it's a dream beginning! Oh my gosh! Oh! (sings) He's big, he's tough, he has a brilliant puff. Other John Green, Other John Green! (talks) What a fantastic cross from ya ya ya ya ya Bamba! Oh my goodness gracious. Ah.

(1:48) Oh- we're in Anfield- I just saw that- I just saw the background. That- this is exciting. That was- okay. Now- you know what Meredith? Now we just gotta hold on to the lead. And you know what? If there's one thing AFC Wimbledon specializes in, it's not holding on to leads. Oh! Take that Luis Suarez. Bald John Green just showed you how to play the game!

(2:06) Um, so yeah I talked about how I don't think that it's true that we're- we're this kind of Lord of the Flies species, even as adolescents. I think like we're surprisingly, um, empathetic and- and, uh, generous to each other. And blood donation is one of the most interesting examples of this, because people donate blood, um, even when they aren't paid to.

(2:25) And in fact it at least appears- there have been- I, I think a few studies that- I, I'm not an expert in this, just to be clear- but there have been a few studies, I think, where it shows that people, uh, aren't even that much more likely to donate blood if you do pay them.

(2:39) Um, it's something that we do out of, um, like a genuine desire to help people. Speaking of helping people- oh, ya Bamba almost had another great cross. Um, but uh- and I find that- I find that really interesting and beautiful.

(2:54) It's this thing that we do that, um, you know, at least according to these narrow- arghhhh! Great tackle! Buckminster Fuller! Um, at least according to these narrow definitions of, um, like what constitutes humans- that, uh, you know we're driven entirely by this competitive urge, or whatever- it just doesn't make sense.

(3:13) Um, and what it tells me, is that like it's not just- it's not just that humans are good at competing... We're also really good at cooperating, and like we see- we, we have an understanding of the fact that if we cooperate, uh, life will be better for all of us. Um, and I find that, I don't know, I find that really inspirational.

(3:30) So, um, I love- I love the fact that people give blood. Um, and I love the fact that, um, that they are likely to give blood regardless of whether they are paid to do so. Um, and that they, you know, I think the reasons that- and that they do it, you know, that it's something that's sort of evidence of real, you know, something close to real human altruism, which I find very-

(3:53) Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh, no! Oh, pass the ball! Bald John Green! Ah! Bald John Green, get on the ball! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the frustration! I'll tell you what, uh, that was exciting stuff.

(4:07) Alright, so, um, yeah, I- so here's- here are my- I, I've given blood, uh, three times. I'd like to give blood more, but, uh- it will become obvious why I- I- I've only given it three times.

(4:21) The first time I gave blood- uh oh- Luis Suarez, that was a little scary, but we have- we have Seb Brown, so, nothing to worry about. The first time I gave blood, um, I, uh, threw up, um, while I was, uh, while I was giving blood and, um, then I, I st- when I- when I, uh, they like made me sit down for like 45 minutes afterwards, but even so, when I eventually stood up, I did immediately faint.

(4:48) This was especially embarrassing because I was giving blood with my girlfriend at the time, uh, and I was in- I was- I should add that I was in high school- it was a high school blood drive. I was giving blood with my girlfriend at the time, and, um, uh, and there was something about seeing me faint and vomit that, um, really, uh, just didn't do it for her. And I don't know if this was directly responsible- I don't want to- I don't want to blame anyone-

(5:13) Oh, God. You gotta score, you gotta turn and score! Ohhhh, Simon Mignolet, he's such a genius! Meredith, you know what they sing - Simon Mignolet is their keeper - you know what we sing about him? Can I tell you our song for him? It goes like this, it goes: (sings) He's our keeper, our Belgian keeper, he's Simon Mignolet. Oh, oh, a-Mignolet, a-Mignolet, a-Mignolet, a-Mignolet! He's our keeper, our Belgian keeper, he's Simon Mignolet! (talks) Anyway. It's a great song. God, Liverpool fans are the best. We actually stole that from Sunderland, but whatever.

(5:47) Um... So, uh... Yeah, so she- she dumped me. And I don't know- I don't know- but it was that day, and like, I was very dizzy! I just remember being dumped and being like "this seems a little bit unfair, because I'm quite- I'm still rather faint!" Um, yeah. So I don't know if it was directly the blood donation, but it didn't dissuade me.

(6:04) I did it again the next year, and it went much better, and I was thinking "oh, I'm gonna be fine". But I have a uh- for those of you who don't- who don't know this, I have a bit of a uh- I have some anxiety problems that manifest themselves in many ways.

(6:16) That's right guys, just stay calm! Look at that! I love the way that other John Green just went up to Frampton- Peter Frampton - Frampton comes alive - and just like, tapped him and said like, "we're gonna win this game! We're gonna beat Liverpool at Anfield, to extend our run in the FA Cup, because that's who we are!" The real Simon Mignolet would make that save. That was a beautiful cross from bald John Green. Sadly, um, he was passing to ghost player number one, um, who- (laughs) who is so often open, but so rarely scores! Ohhhh, wow! I love seeing it!

(6:48) Um... So I have this- I have these anxiety problems that pop up sometimes, and like, I have uh- so- you know, one of the things that happens is, I develop- uh, I develop fears. Um, I wouldn't call them phobias. I don't think it's fair to phobics to call them phobias, but I develop these- these fears that manifest themselves in like funny ways.

(7:10) So I have this- I have this pretty intense fear of heights, for instance, but like, I'm fine going on an airplane. Well, you know - I don't LIKE going on airplanes, but it doesn't engage the fear, because the airplane has a floor, and in my mind, I'm not really up high, so much as I'm in a- in a room that happens to be sort of suspended thirty-thousand feet in the air. So like, I can justify that to myself but I can't stand on top of a table. And if I'm- you know, if I'm on a mountainside or something, I get really freaked out.

(4:10) Seb Brown! Ohhh, you remember when he saved those two penalties against Luton Town to send us into the football league? That was one of the great moments in the history of AFC Wimbledon. It's the only reason that we're able to play this game!

(7:51) Um, so uh... I- yeah. So... Uh, the third time I gave blood, uh, some time during the process, I developed this really intense fear of um, of blood and giving blood, which was- oooooooh almost! of blood and giving blood, which was really uh, problematic, because I was really freaking out and I like, I uh... I mean, this is embarrassing but like, I- you know, it's a non-rational reaction. I was like trying to pull the blood cord out of my arm and everything. Yeah. So then I had to stop.

(8:24) But um, I think it's great. I thought that story was going to be funny, but then- it's not very funny at all (laughing). It's fi- I've told that story to my friends before, and they laughed at me. But I think it's because they're (laughs) my friends. Um... 'Cause it's just kind of sad. But anyway! Yeah. So um, I'm fine. I just- I just- I don't wanna do that again. Um...

(8:46) So- but I've gotten better with like- anyway, since then, like, I've gotten better with syringes and needles. So maybe I should try to give blood again and see how it goes. Um, but- they do like, ask you about- oh, get- get- get- ya, ya, ya, ya! Ya! Bahhhhhhh! Should've cut back. I should've cut back, but I was so excited about the prospect of a ya Bamba goal.

(9:07) Um.... So um. I- that was the last time I gave blood. That was maybe like- uh, probably s- eight years ago. It was when I lived in New York. Um. But Hank gives blood all the time.

(9:19) Oh, God. Oh, God. You're offside! You cheater! Ohhh, man. You know, if an English player is offside, uh, the commentators will be like "oh, he's just a bit offside!" but if Luis Suarez is offside, they're like "oh, he's a cheater!" Anyway, that's a personal- personal reaction.

(9:37) Um... Yeah, but I- I love- I think- the other thing I love about giving blood is that it's something that you can do that doesn't cost money. Um, that like, doesn't require you to have a resource outside of yourself. There's something really like, uh, beautiful and simple about it. People um, people who've been injured or have clotting disorders or whatever, need blood. You have it. You can give it to them safely, and you don't have to give up anything- you don't have to- give anything except for your time and like, literally of yourself. And there's something really... Uh, sort of moving about that, in terms of like, what I like about people.

(10:15) Um, and I think it's also one of the reasons that, you know, in intense times of like, national uh, grief or... Um, or tragedy... That's one of the first things we do. Yes, there is a need for blood in those situations, but like, the- usually the gifts far outpace the need, which I find- which I find really interesting.

(10:34) So like, right after 9/11 - I don't know if you remember this, but - well, probably a lot of you don't, 'cause you were like, two - um, God, I'm so old! Anyway, there were these um, huge lines all over the country of people giving blood, because it was just, you know, like... Something-

(10:50) Oh, God. Oh, God! Just keep defending! Keep- keep- good job! What?! What?! Oh, God. Steven Gerrard, the most handsome man in football/the world on the ball! Ohhhh, it's unrealistic, because he missed. In real life, he- in real life, he never misses that. Look at him. Oh, my God, he's beautiful. Ohhh. He has a very special gait Meredith - you can see his uh- you can tell when he's running down the pitch. You can always tell if it's Steven Gerrard, just from his beautiful, beautiful gazelle-like gait.

(11:25) Come on, get to that ball! Ohhhhh. We're suffering for pace today. Um... There's- there's beautiful Philippe- Philippe Coutinho... Mmm! Why'd they make- why'd they give him the zombie crazy eyes? He doesn't look like that in real life. In real life, he's beautiful.

(11:42) On comes Jordan Henderson, another beautiful man. Oh, it's so hard to play against Liverpool! But anyway, we gotta win this game- we're really- we're quite close! Oh, what a great ball! And cornerrrr... To bald John Green! Off the post! Ohhh. And ya Bamba just got- just got absolutely popped in the back.

(12:04) So yeah, I think- I would encourage you all to give blood. I think it's a wonderful experience, but also I think um, it kind of like, captures, in a lot of ways like, both, like, metaphorically and literally, like, what's best of us. And that's- yeah. I think uh, that's worth remembering, because sometimes it seems like um, human beings are kind of monsters to each other. And some- and often, in fact, we are monsters to each other. But sometimes, uh, we aren't! Sometimes- sometimes we do things that are generous and genuine and compassionate and come from a place of actual uh, you know, actual altruism.

(12:38) Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God! Nooooo! No! I love you Jordan Henderson. No! Ahhh. Jordan Henderson has been decapitated by the- by the sign. Did you see that, Meredith? This is terrible. This is- in addition to Jordan Henderson scoring, he has been decapitated. He was decapitated by that sign.

(12:58) Uh, go back - if you're watching the video, which I guess you definitionally are, go back three seconds before- right after the goal, when he was celebrating, Jordan Henderson tragically decapitated by a sign in FIFA 14. This is one of the saddest days of my life, both because we gave up a late goal, which we've been doing a lot lately! It's very frustrating! And because Jordan Henderson was decapitated during his goal celebration.

(13:20) We're gonna have to go to extra time. (sighs heavily) Arghhh! Alright, everybody calm down. Focus. Meredith, are you calm? No, she's anxious. And I'm anxious too. Arghhh, man! Okay. Calm down!

(13:43) We're gonna just take a hard look at who's- we're gonna make some substitutions. Hells Pells is- oh, look at these boys! They're just- they're abs- they're at their absolute- but then, look at our bench! Our bench is also exhausted. Um... I don't- we don't really have anyone to bring in. I guess we'll bring in less Moore for uh, P Sweeney.

(14:04) Ya Bamba, I think you're gonna have to stay out there, buddy! Because Arthur is not much less tired than you. Anyway, I mean- this, just- it's a punishing- it's been an absolute punishing uh, schedule for the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. And we don't have the resources right now to buy players. In fact, we're having to sell players, um, just to try to get through the season. It's a frustrating- it's a difficult time right now to be a Wimbly Wombly supporter.

(14:28) Sarah um, let me give you- Sarah just arrived at work. So Sarah, can I give you a quick update? Um, the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys are in the F.A. Cup. You know, my favorite competition. And we're playing Liverpool. Oh, God. Oh, God! Get it, get it, get it, get it! Get it! Ooo-oooh! Poked away at the last second!

(14:47) Um... I'm having a little bit of trouble routing for the Wimbly Womblys, but you know what, Sarah? I'm not playing just for myself. This isn't about me. This is about thousands of supporters, and about um, the town of Wimbledon itself, as well as- as well as being about- oh, God. I mean, we just have- we have nothing left. There's nothing in the tank! Oh, but look! The heroes come and save the day!

(15:09) Um... But all of our players are exhausted, and we're trying to play the likes of Steven Gerrard, you know? It- well, it always rains in England. I don't know if you've ever been there, but it- it's never not raining. That's the English national motto. I mean, look! That's just pure courage at this point. These guys, they have nothing- I hit the uh, I hit the um, the turbo button, and they HAVE no turbo. They're just like, "I'm- I regret to inform you that I'm exhausted".

(15:33) Well, they've been playing this punishing schedule, because we don't have that many players, so we can't do much squad rotation. And they're just- they're suffering out there! Oh, ya Bamba's got nothing. Ya Bamba can- ya Bamba can hardly walk.

(15:48) An anonymous donor who could- who could give them money? Unfortunately, FIFA 14 doesn't work that way. No. Um, oh, look at- ya Bamba! Pure courage! That's all you can say about him. The man is noth- he's made of courage!

(16:01) Alright. We got- we got one more period- I- I- I've gotta say, at this point, it doesn't look great for us getting a goal, because we can't even get the ball up to our strikers, because they're so tired. Um, but... I'll tell you what I do believe. I do, I genuinely believe that if we're focused, and we work hard, we can get to penalties and we can wi- ohhh! Porter, you're better than that!

(16:25) We can win in penalties. So we just need to focus on not giving up a goal, and then hopefully... We can- oh, boy. Oh, boy.

(16:33) Thanks again to M for donating um, to the Project for Awesome, so that I could talk about blood donations, which is a topic that really interests me. Oh God! Um. Ohhh, do you see the fatigue?! It's palpable! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! They're tired too! They're tired too! They're tired, too!

(16:52) Dohhhhhhhhhhh! Hells Pells! Hells Pells! Ohhh, do the robot! Ohhhh. Oh, what a fantastic pass, and then Martin Škrtel can't get back! He can't stop Hells Pells. Ohhh, that was beautiful. We had- we had other John Green trailing, and I thought maybe we should pass to him, but then I said to myself, you know what? No. It's time. It's- it's Harry Pell time. That's his- that's his real name.

(17:19) Um. Oh, come on. Now we just have to not give up a late goal. Not give up a late goal! You know that Liverpool's gonna be- they're gonna be going all out. They're tired too, look how tired they are! That guy can't get off the ball! He can't figure out a way to get off the ball! This is fa- ohhh! This is wonderful! That was Lucas, that's not- oh, look! Oh, that's- oh my. Oh boy. Oh gosh! Wow. That was intense.

(17:45) Just gonna hold the ball here for a while. I'm in no hurry. And then we'll pass the ball. John Green.... Oh come on, are we really gonna beat Liverpool, to extend our FA Cup run? Is this seriously gonna happen? We couldn't beat Tottenham earlier, but it looks like we might just beat Liverpool.

(18:00) Come on! Hundred and twentieth minute! Oh, the boys are just exhausted. Look at ya Bamba, desperately- desperately- oh, ya Bamba gets the balllllllllllll! Is it gonna be a goal?! Ohhhh, other John Green can't get it down!

(18:15) Alright, here we go. Ya Bamba probably should've just taken it off to the corner and tried to run-out the clock, but this should be the last kick of the game. Blow that whistle, referee! YES!

(18:27) The AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys have defeated Liverpool Football Club! And will be moving on in the FA Cup! Not even Kennedy's terrible haircut can ruin this moment! I am sorry to make Liverpool squat in shame, but I am so proud of the Wimbly Womblys! Oh, thank you for watching. Congratulations to the players, to our supporters, oh. See you next time! Best wishes.