John: --judging from Facebook. Specifically, by several I mean, three. Um, that's the best. How, how have I gone through life so long without knowing that I could use Potaterson as a last name in one of my novels?

Hank: Well, I worry no-

John: Margo Roth Spiegelman could have been Margo Roth Potaterman.

Hank: You know, my guess is John, my guess is that this person's last name is Peterson, and they have added a potato into a portmanteau of their name and have made themselves potaterson. Because, I clicked on Jeffrey Potaterson the only Potaterson on Facebook, and it is just a picture of a person drawn onto a potato.

John: That is true, also I'm now reading Jeffrey Potaterson's status updates, and they do seem to be potato-centric. For instance, "Some people like me loaded and some people like me plain", I think that is a bit of a double entendre. Um, and then previously, there's one that says "This is a picture of my parents, I know it's a bit inappropriate but it was the only picture I had of them", and it appears to be two potatoes situated in such a way that they are simulating, the what-not. Um, and- 

Hank: Also, Jeffrey Potaterson has, has posted "Just got out of the oven, so baked right now".

John: [Laughs] I mean, just, I have not added a friend on Facebook in like, literally seven years, until today.

Hank: [Laughs]

John: I just sent a friend request to Jeffrey Potaterson. I will let you know if he gets back to me. 

Hank: Yeah, I mean Jeffrey Potaterson has a bunch of friends, uh, ten of them. And started high school at Burnsville High School on May 5th, 2011 so I don't really know how that worked, but uh, hasn't updated since January of 2012 John, so we'll see how that goes. I'm gonna go ahead and add that friend as well.

[Question 3, 11:59]

John: Alright Hank, our next question comes from Benjamin, who writes, "Dear John and Hank, when I first started going to my hair stylist, I gave the phone number for my dad's membership card, and when she said his name, I just confirmed, and since then she thinks that that's my name. [Hank laughs] I've been going to her for many years now, but I don't have the heart to tell her the lie that we've been living. [Hank laughs] I don't want to admit the truth, but haircuts should be built on trust, right? What do I do, DFTBA, Benjamin."

Hank: Uhhhhh, you just gotta- you just gotta live this lie. In fact you might wanna change your name completely, and let everybody know - and let them know why, and the only person you're not letting know about your name change is your hairdresser.

John: Right that's one strategy, I think another strategy is to go into your hair stylist, and when they're like "So how have things been going the last six to ten weeks?" You say, "You know, the biggest thing that happened in the last ten weeks was that I went to the courthouse and I decided to change my name to Benjamin."

Hank: [Laughs]

John: "And now, I am a Benjamin for the rest of my life and it's a new thing, it's a fresh start for me, I've always kinda wanted to be a Benjamin, and now I am one." And your hair stylist will be like, "Cool, so should I start calling you Benjamin?" And you be like, "I mean that'd be great, yeah, it's my name." 

Hank: [Still laughing] That's good, I like it.

John: You've solved the whole problem.

Hank: It's totally solved. It's totally solved, I, I don't have any-

John: God, it's so rare that we're able to actually fix people's problems, that feels great.

Hank: Can I ask you, John, is the phrase hairdresser a weird phrase, because you don't like, dress your- like it makes me picture two things. Either they're putting clothes on your hair, or they're putting salad dressing in it. That is the only things that I dress. 

John: I definitely prefer hair stylist, so I talk to David about this, who's my hair stylist, and he prefers hair stylist, but I think different people use different words and, uh, it's mostly about listening to your hair professional on what they want to be called.

Hank: That- yes, just like your hair professional should listen to you, Benjamin, about what you want to be called. 

[Question 4, 13:59]

Hank: This question is from Cole who asks, "Dear Hank and John, when I have to go number 2, I've noticed that the sensation sometimes comes in waves. In some moments, I feel that I need to run to the bathroom and then moments later I feel as though nothing is wrong, and then soon after it feels as though I will have to go at any moment. I'm hoping I'm not the only person who experiences this. Wouldn't it be easier for my body to tell me when I have to go badly and when I don't have to go badly? Why does my body do this? An avid pod listener, on the throne, Cole."

John: Hmmm.

Hank: What do you know about, about poopin' John? 

John: Not much, but uh, I am familiar with that phenomenon, I call it contractions, which Sarah takes exception to.

Hank: [Laughs] Um, yeah, I- I actually do know something about this, I think both because I- I am a bit of an aficionado of poopin', but also, I know about how the human body works a little bit better than the average person. So you have a, basically a spot on the inside of your rectum that when it experiences pressure, it's like "now's the time to go!" And, it actually creates a little bit of a positive feedback loop where, it will open and that will allow for more pressure and that will open it more, and that's why it'd be hard to not poop. Um, and that- like the reason that that spot will be experiencing pressure is 'cause the rectum is not empty, but also because your body all the way from your mouth on down, uh, has these muscle contractions that go in waves and it's almost like imagine it like you're milking a cow, like, you take the udder and you're like squeezing it down. And like that's what's happening, that's what forces food and stuff through your digestive system. And, at the end there, when you're getting one of those waves, that's when you feel "Ooh, I'm feeling the pressure now," and that spot in your rectum is saying "poop time", and then that wave will stop, because it comes in waves--