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Last sync:2023-10-24 12:45
In which John follows Lamar through town.

John: Hello, and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green. I am such a bad player of Grand Theft Auto that I, I didn't even get through a single mission. So I don't get to keep my, I didn't get to keep my car. Oh boy! That didn't go well. Um. It's not... Oh! Yeah! Oh, it's the Y button.

Well okay, no need to curse. We're gonna try to bleep out the cursing, Meredith heroically bleeping out the cursing which is difficult  to do because there's hardly anything else. I'm back in the same situation that I was in before, in which, I inexplicably have to follow this-this-this young man to a location of his choosing. I'm just, I'm gonna try to do this in the most responsible way possible because remember the rules here, are that I am playing Grand Theft Auto as myself, John Green, trying to live as much as possible according to my own personal would.

Oh boy! That's okay, I know how to back up; I'm good at that. Yeah! And, you know, look, I understand that I have found myself in a violent world, a world very different from my own. I'm not gonna try to be non-violent like one of my all-time favorite series, A Pacifist Plays Grand Theft Auto, I'm just trying to be as responsible as I can be. I'm just gonna try to live as I would live, you know? Look, I can... Oh boy! I can find myself in a situation in which, you know, violence is part of my life, and, and if I did, I want to make the same... Oh boy! Make the same choices that I would make. Excuse me, sir! I have to follow Lamar to a location of his choosing!

Alright, there he is, there's... He seems to be in a great rush and I feel like the pace of traffic, I'm just trying to, if I could just stay away from pedestrians and avoid... Oh no I made a bad turn! Nah, I bet I can turn right here. Is this okay? You know, for a large city, Meredith, I can't help but observe that this place has very little traffic. Maybe it's such a pleasant place to drive because it's such a horrifying place to live. Okay, here we go. Here we go! I'm getting close to Lamar.

Man: Hey be careful!

John: No! Listen! We are the ones making the error, okay? I don't want you yelling at anyone. Oh, it's the Fox Lot! I've been here before! This is where they make my movies! All these, these are... Oh! Oh! Sorry there, aliens! Aliens, aliens! Why are you running? Okay, what? Wait, why did we leave the Fox Lot, Lamar, I was enjoying myself there.

You want me to turn here? Into this little... This is very, this is a strange place. Okay. Alright. Here we go! Here we go! And then are we gonna end up, where are we gonna end up? In a, we're in a public park. I mean, I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but I think we might have gone the long way. I don't like to criticize your navigational skills, but... Oh goodness! I can't help but feel that maybe there might have been a better way to get where we were going. Oh! Caught air! That was exciting, Lamar! So far that's been the highlight of the trip!

Okay. Okay. Okay! Woah! Everything worked better then expected. So we're just going on a, we're just going on a drive on the wrong side of the road. Doing things that usually I wouldn't do, but it appears that in Vice City there's just a different set of mores and I'm trying, in so far as possible, embrace it without causing bodily harm. Property damage is one thing. I'm, I don't wanna say that I'm okay with property damage, but in this... Oh God! In this case when, like, there is obviously something important at stake. I just don't know what it is yet and my friend is telling me that I've got to do this important thing... Oh Goodness! That you know, like, I am in favor of it. I'm, I'm, yeah, let's do it, you know? Let's...

Where are we? What's the deal? Okay. Slow down, there we are! Wait. Wait. What? We did that for nothing? Oh gosh, you're making me so anxious.

Lamar: We buzzing the Union Depository, !
Franklin: That super-bank?

John: I, I don't know why it was... Oh goodness! Oh! I'm actually, I don't want to brag, but I've become an excellent driver. Oh, we did it! We did it Meredith! We did it! I made it to the end of a thing!

Franklin: What you go and slow up the road for, dog?

John: Well, I messed up the road because I'm not a very good driver when stressful! Woah.

Franklin: Dog, I ain't too sure that joke works, dog.

John: I'm also not too sure that that joke works.

Lamar: Oh *, the one time!
Franklin: Be cool, fool, we got the paperwork.
Lamar: Whatever, you explain that *.

Okay, so next time I'm gonna drive again in a way that's gonna be dangerous, but for now I'm just gonna try and hide from the police by going into this little corner and hoping that they don't notice me. Nobody will find me here. I'll see you next time on John Green play Grand Theft Auto as himself. I just got shot in the face.