Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green, I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys who are in 4th place aka in the Champions League. But we have 4 games left, one of which is today against Manchester City, the team above us in the table, and another of which is Arsenal. Uh, so yeah, we have to... There's a lot of teams right clumped between 3rd and 7th, like 4 points. It's very nervous time. We gotta try to win this game to keep our annus mirabilis alive.

You're gonna see the table right now. It's extremely tight, tight, tight! It's nerve wracking! I spend all of my free time thinking about this. I had a dream last night about the last game between the, the... I think we play Fulham in our last game of the season. The 4 games left we have... Wait let's just look at the table real quick. Everybody stay calm. There we are in 4th! Huzzah!

But you can see the team in 5th, they're just 1 point behind us, it's Liverpool. And then, then there's a team that's on 58 points who could catch us if we slip up too because that's only 5 points. So, we don't have as good of a goal differential as any of our competition for the 4th spot. So, uh, it's really, it's tough because it's really probably us against Liverpool but we're just gonna, all we can do is do our best.

That's what I told the guys in the locker room. I said, "Look, you know, don't look at the table. Don't think about any of that stuff. Just think about what can I do today to make the dreams of Wimbly Wombly supporters come true". We're playing at home. In a stunning turn of events it's raining in England. It's the 4th to last Premier League game for one of the John Greens. We don't know which yet. We won't know, I asked them earlier. I said "Can we just, can we make an announcement? We'd really like to do like a guard of honor for you guys, you know? Like before your last game can we make an announcement of which of you it's going to be?"

And they said no. They just want to wait until next season. They're going to make the decision in the off season which, who's, who's going to be the full time caretaker for young baby JJ, their adopted... Oh God! Their adopted child. Today I want to talk to you a little bit about the Wimbly Womblys. And obviously, like, we've got a dream, you know? Our dream is that, you know, we'll make it to the top 4 of the Premier League. Get there, get there, get there! Ahhh! It's the Gaulden Child! It's the Gaulden Child! "Silent night. Holy night. All is calm. All is bright. Round yon vir..." I just didn't get there, Meredith. "Mother and child. Holy infant just scored a goal!" 

Yes, yes, yes! The Gaulden Child! By the way, the 18 people who are still watching this video, hi! Hi, I'm John Green. I'm the coach of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. Sorry about missing that note at virgin. It's just, I've never been a great singer. But, you know what I am? Passionate! I love the game and the Gaulden Child has possibly just secured us a spot in next year's Champions League which would completely transform the history of the AFC Wim... Oh no! The history of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. Remember we have a bad habit of going 1 - nil up and then ending up with a 1 - 1 draw, so we've gotta avoid that this time.

That's not a bad ball! Oh, but it skips out of bounds 'cause it's raining. There's John Green, he's so beautiful. Will he be the one who continues on with the club? Or... I, I- yeah. They're going to make that decision and I don't want to make it for them. I feel like that's their decision not mine and I told them I don't want to influence it before the game. Anyway I want to talk about your glorious future. I'm making this video on May 22nd. Oh God, that's a beautiful ball to John Green! He's a finisher! Oh, it's two - nil! Oh my God! Are we gonna do it?! Kiss the ground of the, of the pitch that you love!

"He's big, he's tough, he has a ginger puff. Other John Green, Other John Green!" What a finish! Joe Hart humiliated, first by the Gaulden Child, I apologize for that song. I've gotta come up with a different hymn. What's another song about, what's another song about the tiny little baby Jesus, Meredith? Do you know any? "Away in the manager no crib for, because he scored." Maybe, I'm working on it. That's not bad though. There's something there. 

Um, yeah. The problem with Silent Night is that there's actually a lot of lyrics before you get to the Jesus bit. You know, you don't think about that. It's kind of like a, it's a surprise song, you know? You're like, "What is this song about? Oh it's just about a quiet night, hanging out in Bethlehem. We've all been there" And then "Oh! Oh Jesus!" Um... Oh that was a good try, Bald John Green. He's not as quick as he used to be, but that was, that was still smart. He's still got those football, still got that football IQ, you know? John Green I need you, why aren't you, why aren't you making a run there buddy? Why, why would you possibly hold back just 'cause we're up 2 - nil, in the 29th minute?

I want to talk to you about your glorious future. Sorry, things keep happening. Um, I am making this video on May, what is it, Meredith, May 22nd-ish? And you are watching this video I think in the great month of July. Just not too long before the Paper Towns movie comes out. I'm doing that because I've gotta travel all around the world. I gotta, I'm going to Brazil, and the United Kingdom, and Germany and lots of other places to, to promote the Paper Towns movie and also traveling a lot right here in the United States. And so I've got to make a lot of Wimbly Wombly videos in advance. 

That made me think about like, I'm wondering if you can tell me in comments, you know, I read the comments of the Wimbly Womblys videos and when I'm on tour, like it's kinda... Frankly I'm always kinda sad. Oh! Oh, that's a good ball to John Green! Ah, but like everything in this world it comes to nothing. I always feel kinda, just like, disconnected from the real world and from my, you know, from like peop... I don't want to make it sound like I, like I love you guys too much, but I do. And it's just always nice.

So, I'm wondering if you can tell me, what do you think has changed between when I made this video and when you are watching it? So, what in the last, like, 5 weeks has changed? How does it look like the Paper Towns movie is doing? By now there's tracking so people will have a sense of, like, whether it's going to be a financial success or a financial failure. I don't really, I mean I want it to succeed, obviously, but I also... I mean, the main thing for me is that I like it. And I do genuinely like it, and that's it. To me, like I don't really, yeah. I hope other people like it, but I don't care if it does like, a gajillion dollars at the box office or whatever.

I'd rather have a good movie than one that makes a gajillion dollars. Don't tell Fox that! Fox I hope you're not watching! Anyway, yeah, I just wanted to know, like, what is this glor... what, what is this glorious future in which you live? Oh my God! I, I was gonna, it was gonna be three on none! And the referee blew the whistle. What are you complaining about? What are we even chatting about, Girls Just Wanna Have Fundingsrud? Do you want to be substituted out?! You should be nothing but happy. It's two - nil at halftime! We haven't given up a goal, thanks to the hard work of my beautiful Seb Brown. This is great. Everything's working out better than expected. 

Alright. We're 45 minutes away from a massive home victory against... I mean we could finish in 3rd, Meredith! Because this is the team, Manchester City is the team that's currently in 3rd. Our annus mirabilis is just mirabali! Get it! Get it, get it, get it, get it! To your husband! Oh! Um... Yeah, the other thing that I was thinking about your glorious future is that it's a little bit of a reminder, that like a lot of times we think that the world is like steadily getting worse. I know a lot of people feel that way and I, I'm sympathetic to that because, like, all we ever see in the news is about how terrible things are and everything. But, by like almost any objective measure, the world is getting much, much better! 

At least for humans, it's getting... And you at least have to account for climate change. Part of the reason it's getting better is because we're using fossil fuels unsustainably and that's going to come back to bite us. But like, you know, infant mortality is way down, probably, hopefully. I hope that nothing terrible has happened in the last 5 weeks but like, probably 5 weeks from now infant mortality will be lower than it is now and it will be the lowest that it's ever been in all of human history. Because it's been steadily dropping this year and the last, for the last, you know, like 30 years.

Um, hopefully in addition to having the lowest infant mortality rate in the history of the world, 5 weeks from now, will also, we'll also have the largest global economy and the fewest, as a percentage of human beings, the fewest people in poverty that we've ever had. I hope the world economy doesn't collapse in the next 5 weeks and make all of this seem like a weird anti-prophecy. But anyway, yeah, I don't know.

What is your glorious future like? And can you find any way to construct it as glorious even if maybe some bad things have happened as well. That's my question for you. And my other question for you is Di Filippo ever going to succeed as a Wimbly Wombly? He's such a talented player, Meredith, but he doesn't seem to have that Wimbly Wombly heart that we look for. By the way I'm counting on you to tell me when it's time to substitute. Um, yeah. You know, that it your genius. Meredith, I mean a huge part, you gotta say that the empowering of Meredith as our assistant coach has been a massive part of our success.

I mean, the huge win at Old Trafford against Manchester United, that was all Meredith. I mean, she substituted off Deeney and then Deeney scored with the last kick of the ball and then one of the people that she brought on as a substitute scored as well. She's like some kind of substitution savant. So, I've given over total control of Meredith on the substitution front. Even though she herself has never played a game of FIFA. She's just a genius. But yeah, with, I mean, this is so exciting with 4 games left, well now hopefully, 3 games left.

To be in the driver's seat for who's going to finish 4th. To have a F.A. Cup Final and a Europa League Final ahead of us, I mean who could have imagined that on December 31st, 2016, who could have imagined that we could we would be competing for 3 trophies and the coveted 4th place trophy that allows you to get to the Champions League. I mean, can you imagine next season if we're playing Barcelona and Real Madrid and like... I think that would be crazy! 90,000 people, like, screaming our name in Catalonian, I don't know. That sounds awesome to me. 

Oh, oh! Let's not count our chickens before they hatch! Girls Just Wanna Have Fundingsrud showing why he's in the team right there. And then... Oh no! Oh no! Oh no, Meredith. Oh no! Oh no! Oh, it's a nightmare, Meredith fails to make substitutions and John Green is injured! Oh no! Meredith! Oh God, I wish that I, I wish that someone other than you was in anyway accountable for this, but no-one else is. It's all your fault! Oh, just as I talk about her savantiness. No! Double no, in the 83rd minute Lewandowski with a goal off a deflection. And oh no, nothing Seb Brown could do about that! Oh, Other John Green lying on the pitch in clear pain. Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no! 

Alright, everybody focus. Oh, he's hurt, Meredith it looks like it's his arm. Oh boy. Everybody focus. Stay calm, we've got 5 minutes to kill. We really need to win this game. That goes without saying, we were two - nil up. We just need everybody to stay calm. That's a nice, that's a nice run. That's a nice run, Correa! You know he's got a Wimbly Wombly future, no doubt about it. I liked how he went to the corner, that was good stuff. Gaulden Child, get to that ball. Gaulden Child, track it down like the beautiful, unsullied young man that you are! Oh! No. Alright, oh, oh God. Oh, Meredith, oh God. Oh God, oh God! Oh, please let that be the end of the game! 

It isn't, but they were offside! Alright, kick it really long! Here at 89:45. Just show me your foot Fundingsrud! It's good, it's good. Well, I don't know, I might've tried to kick it to an actual player next time, we'll try that next time. But you did kick it hard, which I appreciate. I think people are asking me to be a little less loud. But how can I be less loud with only 4 games left in the season?! Oh God, oh what a great stop from Fundingsrud! Oh, and it's a nice ball! Oh, Dicko, Dicko, Dick-ah! Dicko couldn't track it down. Oh, it kept skipping away.

Alright this is it. Just call the game. Is that the end? Yes! Oh, huge, huge 2 - 1 victory against Manchester City. Our annus mirabilis continues, this is amazing. Thank you to Seb Brown, oh we love you and your weird turtleneck thing. We love you, we love you, we love you Seb. Oh, thanks to the Gaulden Child, he had a beautiful game. I'm sorry about that song, John Green, our opponents squatting in shame. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Best Wishes.