Good Morning Hank, it's Sunday.

It's riddle Sunday. The day that I answer real riddles from real nerdfighters. Okay Hank, let's get started.

What gets wet while drying? A towel. What fastens two people, yet touches only one?

A wedding ring. Who's 5'6" and a half, has a name that anagrams to I PWN HARRY FO and has fewer subscribers than the Vlogbrothers? Hmmm...

PARRY FOIN HW? FRAN WOIHPRY? HARPO...

Wait a second. You-you don't mean? YES.

No, not really. Really. Okay, really?

Do you mean it? I'm getting very excited. Um, okay I'm gonna go to YouTube here on my trusty MacBook Pro.

I'm pulling up YouTube and, uh, going to Most Subscribed Directors. I'm seeing that the Vlogbrothers have 41,818 subscribers and Oprah has 41,365. Now Hank, I'm not an expert at pwning, but that would seem to indicate, that at least according to YouTube, we have pwn'd Oprah!

HUUUUUUUHHHH! Oh my gosh. I am getting very excited.

Uh, but you know, um, I have been wrong about mathematics before. Remember that time that I thought there were a hundred seconds in a minute? Uh, I am definitely going to confirm this.

I'm going to get some confirmation on this. Okay Hank, I am now calling Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician Daniel Biss. DB: Hey.

JG: Hi, it's John Green. Do you have a minute? DB: I have a minute.

JG: Okay. Your name is Daniel Biss. DB: My name is Daniel Biss.

JG: You are a professional mathematician. DB: This is correct. JG: Okay.

You got your PhD from MIT, is that correct? DB: That is correct. JG: Okay, in your professional opinion, as a trained mathematician, is the number 41,818 larger than the number 41,365?

DB: Yes. JG: YES! YES!

From a mathematician! YEAH! [happy dance, Willy barks] WOOHOO! YES!

Even Willy's excited! I know Willy, there's a lot to be excited about. We pwnd Oprah.

We pwnd Oprah. I've got to call her Hank. JG: Hi, this is John Green of the Vlogbrothers.

Um, we just pwn'd Oprah. I'm not sure if she's aware of it, so I was calling to make sure that she knew. Uh, I figure that she'll want to call me back, on account of how she was pwn'd.

Um, BUT, you know, I don't feel totally comfortable with giving Oprah my phone number. Because, you know, I generally like to reserve my cell phone number for people who I have not yet pwn'd. Um, so if you could, just have her call me back through my agent, Jodi Reamer at Writer's House.

Thanks very much, and as always, best wishes! Hank, it's that rare occasion where puff levels are caused by unadulterated joy. Hank, I can only say that it is a testament to the awesomeness of Nerdfighteria and a testament to the awesomeness of you that we have pwn'd Oprah on the Most Subscribed List!

This means as previously agreed that the nerdfighters get to punish us! Nerdfighters leave your punishment suggestions in comments! I'm so excited about pwning Oprah that I've gotten sweaty and now my glasses are gonna fall off my face.

But Hank, you are awesome... I almost said I love you, but then I held myself back. I'll see you soon!

P. S. Nerdfighters- the details of Paper Towns tour dates are starting to be posted on Eventful.com!

Link in the sidebar. [points left] Or more likely link in the sidebar. [points right] I still can't do it!