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Should I watch YouTube ads? How do I make friends with my old neighbors? What do I do when my daughter won't sleep because she's always on the internet? When is it worth arguing on the internet? Will climate change mess with forecasts?

 Intro (00:00)

Hank: Hello! Welcome to Dear Hank and John.

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank.

H: It's a podcast where me, Hank, and my brother, John, tell you stuff about ourselves, answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. How are you doing, John?

J: I'm doing really well. You might remember that last week I expressed concern that the sort of post-Taylor Swift Indianapolis weather might be fading. Taylor Swift came to town several weeks ago and brought with her the most beautiful weather the city of Indianapolis has ever seen, but somehow her memory, it looms large and we've had yet another astonishingly beautiful early fall week. I'm writing everyday outside, walking down to the White River and sitting in a chair down by the White River and writing my new story and it just, it couldn't be better.

H: That sounds lovely.

J: How are you?

H: I'm good. I'm busy. NerdCon, as of the recording of this podcast, is several days away, by the time it goes online it will have happened and so I can't tell you how it went but maybe I will say something about that on Twitter or on my Snapchat: hankgre on Snapchat.

J: I mean, the hardest working Snapchat promo game in the world.

H: (Laughs) So I'm literally about to get in a plane to go to Minneapolis. I was working all night on Wizard School Kickstarter stuff, not all night but a lot. And then in my off-time I've been listening to podcasts, reading books, and watching The Americans. Have you seen this show, John?

J: Oh. Oh, have I seen that show? In fact, the reason you're watching it is because I have recommended it to you.

H: That's not true. I first started watching it 'cause Michael Gardner and Colin recommended it to me. They kept talking about it in the office and I was like "That looks like fun and I can't do it with you."

J: What do you think of it?

H: It's great.

J: Oh, it's so great. It's so great. Oh, that show is just...

H: It is good television programming.

J: It is candy for people of my generation.

H: (Laughs) Yeah, totally.

J: You know? They give me the cars of my childhood. They give me the two great empires battling each other in quiet and secret of my childhood. Everything that was great and terrible about my childhood is contained inside that show and also it is the best television program I have ever seen about marriage, about real people being actually married.

H: It is such a good marriage show, yeah. Remarkably good, yeah. John, you know, I remember asking Mom once when I was like six, saying, "When did the Cold War end?" and Mom being like, "Oh no, honey, that's still happening."

J: Yeah. No, the Cold War lasted until, you know, until I was about 12 years old with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Although, in some ways, I mean, you could argue that the Cold War continues. I mean, we continue to have-

H: Indeed.

J: -these proxy wars between the United States and Russia. We had them, you know, in the 80s in Afghanistan and then here we are 30 years later, you know, having two heavily armed groups, heavily funded by the United States and Russia, fighting in Syria so, yeah, I don't know. We still seem to not get along that well with Russia, despite all of our best attempts.

H: Indeed. John, do you have a short poem for us?

J: I do. 

H: Okay.

J: How great is The Americans! I mean, it might be the best show I've ever seen on TV.

H: (Laughs) Right, but we can move on though, right?

J: I guess. Why don't we have an Americans recap podcast? Can't believe... (Hank laughs) Alright.

H: I would need to get cable.

J: Today's short poem's called, Discoveries in Arizona by James Wright. It has one of those little notes from the author before the poem, Hank. I don't know if you know those notes, but the note is

"All my life so far
I have been afraid
Of cactus,

"The tall fourteen year old boy who led me through the desert whispered, "Come over this way." Picking my steps carefully over an earth strangely familiar, I found four small holes, large enough for a root that might have been torn out or a black snake hole in Ohio, that I hated.

"What is it?" I said. "Some cute prairie dog or an abandoned post hole maybe?"

"No," he said. "She's down there with her children. She doesn't hate you, she's not afraid. She's probably asleep, she's probably keeping warm with something I don't know about. And all I know is sometimes in sunlight, two brown legs reach out. It is hard to get a look at her face, even in the museum she turns away. I don't know where she's looking."

"I have lived all my life in terror of a tarantula, and yet I have never even seen a tarantula turn her face away from me."

"That’s alright," said the boy. "Maybe she's never seen you either.""

Discoveries in Arizona, by James Wright. Bit of a longer short poem for today, Hank, but I thought you might like it because it's got some nature in it, I know that you're pro-nature.

H: You're right, I did like it. It gave me goosebumps.

J: Ahohohoho! Wow! That's a massive victory! Well, if you thought that was exciting, wait till the news from AFC Wimbledon.

H: (Laughs) Well, before we do that, we have about 40 minutes of talking about peoples' problems. How does that sound?

J: Yes, but it will be cut down to twenty. (Hank laughs)

 Question 1 (5:37)

J: Alright, this question comes from Maddie. She writes, "Dear John and Hank. I am wondering about YouTube ads. Do I have to watch the whole thing for the creator to benefit? Also, if I'm watching an ad for a product or company I don't support, but a channel that I do want to support, what should I do? Would it even make a difference if I skipped the ad?" Great question, Maddie, and one near and dear to our hearts, as YouTube creators.

H: (Laughs) How did you know? I know a ridiculous amount about this topic, and no-one knows how much of an ad on YouTube you need to watch before the creator gets paid. That is a secret that, no-one knows the answer to. But if you skip it immediately, the creator does not get paid; if you watch an advertisement for a product that you dislike, or a service or a political candidate that you do not like, that isn't bad, that isn't good for the service or the candidate or whatever, that's actually only good for the creator, and it's actually kind of bad for the product or service, because they're paying to have you look at that and it is not affecting you in the way that they would like it to affect you. So, if...

J: Right, right.

H: So just sit through those awful terrifying... Don't, actually do that, no, because advertising is a terrible way to support creators and it's, that is not the reason you should be watching ads.

J: Yeah, my response here would be to value your time.

H: Yes.

J: And if that means watching an ad because you're interested in it and it seems like a good use of your time, then that's fine. If it doesn't you shouldn't feel a responsibility to watch an advertisement to support a YouTube creator because, in my opinion at least, like, it's just an incredibly inefficient way to support the YouTube creator. Like, I would probably be better off with you sending me a dollar every six months than with you watching...

H: Oh, no. You would be better off with them sending you a dollar every three years.

J: Right. I would be better off... I'm really bad at math, Maddie, I apologize. (Hank laughs) I would be better off with you sending me one dollar every three years than with you watching an ad on every single video that I make, so save that dollar, save your time of not watching ads, maybe do some, do some work, try to get five minutes of work at Starbucks or something, and then send me that dollar. (Both laugh) Yeah, I mean this is something that I...

H: Or, I mean...

J: This is something that Hank and I kind of worried and thought a lot about because it used to be that most of our income came from, or a lot of our income, came from ads, but we've found that it's just such an inefficient way to support YouTube creators and it ultimately, like, it introduces, you know, someone into the conversation who I don't really want to be in the conversation. And so we've found other ways to, to make a living, and now all the ad revenue from Vlogbrothers just goes to support educational projects and to the charity The Foundation to Decrease World Suck, so... But even then, I don't think it's quote-unquote "worth it" to your time to watch an ad unless you want to.

H: Yeah. So, if you want to support a YouTube creator, buy their things. Buy a shirt, buy a poster, buy a book, buy a... That's the way to do it. And you get a thing! So that's good.

 Question 2 (8:48)

H: We've got another question. This one is from Paulina, who says, "Here's one for the dubious advice." She probably, she meant to say, "Dear Hank and John, here's one for the dubious advice." "Do you think it's OK for a college-aged or otherwise adult person to sleep with a stuffed animal?" She's got a...

J: Yes.

H: Got an attachment to-

J: Yes.

H: -a loved bear-

J: Yes.

H: -named Longnose.

J: Yes.

H: And here's the important part. "I still feel like I have to have him with me, but I don't want anyone to see him and be creeped out or think I'm immature or something. Do you have any dubious advice?" I'm gonna be totally obvious with you, Paulina, from where I sit in my chair right now as a 35-year-old man podcasting I can reach out and touch my childhood sleep animal, Dexter the Black-Footed Ferret, so I'm gonna be a yes on this one.

J: I am also a yes. Also, I'm a huge fan of Dexter the black-footed ferret. I remember the Christmas that he came into our lives, and he just...

H: I do too, yeah.

J: He became part of our family. It was, it was really, you know, my mom, my dad, my brother, our terrible dog Red Green, myself, and Dexter the black-footed ferret. And yeah, I mean I guess I would say that anybody, anybody who judges you for whatever thing you do to find comfort and warmth in this world that isn't illegal and doesn't hurt anybody, (Hank laughs) that says more about them than it says about you.

H: Yeah. I think being an adult is whatever you want it to be, and a lot of it is being confident in being able to make those kinds of decisions and do the kinds of things that aren't things that people would expect or that seem like adult things to do, and that's like one of the greatest parts of being an adult, and having that confidence and security is difficult to come by, but you should try and embrace it when you can get it and I will say that the thing that you are finding, the object that you are finding enjoyable and that might be bringing you comfort or security or whatever is a lot less silly than some of the other objects that people enjoy that bring them security and happen to cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars.

 Question 3 (10:58)

J: So, Hank, we've got another question. This one is from a proper adult, who writes, "Dear John and Hank. I would like your advice on my seventeen-year-old daughter. She wakes at three or four in the afternoon, reaches for the Internet, and remains on it until three or four the following morning. She neglects her studies, spends her time watching you to the point that she knows the ornaments on your shelf. Advice, question mark? Yours, Concerned London Father." Well, Concerned London Father, I, I appreciate that you are concerned in this situation, and I think that your concern is real and legitimate, but I want to begin by asking you a question, a question that is very important to me, which is: are you going to the AFC Wimbledon game this Saturday, because you're in London, you have every opportunity to do so, (Hank laughs) and let me also encourage you to bring your daughter to that game, because it's a wonderful way to bond, and the thrill of fourth-tier English football will make it absolutely impossible for her to look at her phone, so that's where I think we should start.

H: (Laughs) Oh, man. I... Yeah, I mean, you first start at the point of believing that the thing that the person you love is into is legitimate, and then work back from there and worry about not what they're spending their time doing, but what they're not spending their time doing. So if this question had said, "My daughter's having a hard time sleeping and is neglecting her studies" that is the exact same thing I'm reading here. What she's doing instead of that is, like, I assume either something that she very much enjoys or something that, or that she has just like, she's in a funk, she's in a bad place and she needs to, you know, she needs support and she needs love in a difficult time in her life.

J: I agree, but I think that the real key here is to make sure that you get to Kingsmeadow on Saturday afternoon at 3 p.m. Oh, man.

H: Yeah. You know, John, I'm glad, I'm glad that I'm not and never was a teenage girl. It sounds like hard work.

J: Well, I don't, I don't recall being a teenage boy being particularly easy.

H: No. Agreed. Agreed. But I think that it, in the end, might be easier.

J: Oh. Yeah, I mean, it, well... There's no question that in general, you know, there are all kinds of structural privileges for men-

H: Yes.

J: -but I greatly disliked being a teenager. Or I guess I wouldn't say I simply disliked it, I just found it tremendously difficult and stressful and scary and overwhelming and I had no idea what I was doing. There's a great line from a sociologist, I think his name was Clifford Geertz, but I apologize if it's not. Anyway, he wrote, "The difference between dogs and people is that dogs know how to be dogs" and when I was sixteen more than anything else I felt that I was a person who had no idea how to be a person.

H: I feel ya. I still don't really know how to be a person, I basically just do whatever comes across my plate.

J: That is exactly the same approach to life that dogs take.

H: (Laughs) Alright! I did it, John! I figured out how to be a person. Alright, we got another question, this one is from Stephanie, I hope that was helpful, Concerned London Father; I feel a little bit like we belittled your position, but you know.

J: No, I'm not trying to belittle the position at all, I would just say that, like, the concerns are real, the concern of, you know, neglecting your studies, feeling disengaged from your family and your life, like those are big problems. Not sleeping enough, that's a big problem. The problem, I would argue though, is not the internet. I don't think the internet is causing those problems, so I think the key is just gonna be to try to find a way to engage with your daughter. Like, for instance, taking her to the football.

H: (Laughs) Okay, this question...

J: I'm not backing down off my advice because I think it's one of the rare cases where my advice is excellent.

H: No I feel you John. Well everybody else who's listening in London, you gotta get your self out to the pitch and watch the game.

J: Not only that Hank, but you could join the Dons Trust and become an owner of AFC Wimbledon for, like, if you are a student for like 20 bucks. For like 15 pounds. Alright, anyway today's podcast is brought to you by AFC Wimbledon. AFC Wimbledon, the greatest football club in the history of the world. And also the solution to all your problems.

H: Today's podcast is brought to you by Dexter the black-footed ferret, a representative of a severely imperiled group of individuals that I'm sure was purchased by my enviro-crazy dad in some way that was supportive of that inbred group of individuals who were decimated but have come back, despite the fact that their entire food supply of prairie dogs was killed by farmers.

J: And of course, today's podcast was brought to you by Hank's freaking Snapchat. hankgre on Snapchat: the future of social media.

H: There's a lot of my dog. You'll see a lot of my dog.

 Question 4 (16:09)

J: Oh boy. Hank, let's have another question. This one comes from Stephanie who writes, "Dear John and Hank. A few months ago my boyfriend and I moved into a house together in a very quiet village. We're both 20-something and all our neighbors are 50+. We've met them a few times in passing and they seem very friendly, but I worry that they consider us to be inherently unlikeable or that they disapprove of us living in a primarily retired area when we are "in our prime" as it were." I'll try not to take that personally Stephanie. (Hank laughs) "Have you got any advice for becoming better friends with your neighbors, particularly with older neighbors who may disapprove of you without any real reason." Well you don't know for sure that they disapprove of you, Stephanie.

H: Yeah.

J: That's the first thing that I'd say. Like it's possible that you feel this generation gap that they don't feel, and that, like, some of the awkwardness just comes from you thinking of them as, like, other. Which of course they are because they've been alive more than twice as long as you have. But I think, like, the thing that breaks down that gap, to me, is spending time together. So I would just like try to, like, invite them over for coffee or tea or whatever you do in your country.

H: Yeah. First I'll say that I'm just shocked that you're interested in this. Like, I don't know I feel like most young people probably wouldn't be like "Oh how do I make my 58 year old neighbor like me?" Do you think that that's weird John or is that, am I crazy?

J: No, I think it's good news though if we can live in a world where people want to actually have social engagement with their neighbors. I think that's great.

H: Yeah, so I'll say that you took a good first step in wanting to have this be the case, and I encourage other people to know who their neighbors are. But yeah, I think that... I wouldn't say that there's, I wouldn't guess that there's dislike but I would think that there's just, like, you know, we're not gonna have so much in common and so we're gonna hang out with all of the people around us who we know and have stuff in common with us. But, I will say that I have some really rewarding relationships with people who are, you know, more than 30 years older than me, and it's really cool to be able to have those relationships because that kind of diversity of perspectives and worldviews is really informative and interesting. 

J: I totally agree Hank, as I usually do. We don't have enough fighting on this podcast. We need to find things that we disagree about.

 Question 5 (18:32)

J: Speaking of which, we have a question from Erin who writes, "Dear John and Hank. When is it appropriate to get into an argument on the internet or otherwise." What is worth fighting for? First off, god bless you, Erin, for even asking that question instead of just getting into a fight on the internet, which is what everyone else is doing.

H: Right, well, maybe we should get into a fight about this question, John, but probably we'll agree. I will say that often times people say that the reason you argue on the internet isn't about convincing the person you're arguing with, it's about convincing the bystanders, and that is bull. That's just a bunch of honkey. And I am... Like when I see that argument I'm like, it makes me cringe so hard because, like, what you're saying is, like, that your argument , like, is this thing that, like, that it's like a spectator sport, like internet arguments.

J: It's a public performance.

H: Yeah! And to me, like, the argument as public performance is such an evil, kind of an evil way to think about public discourse, which is what we're talking about. And when you should argue on the internet, the only reason you should argue on the internet is if you come out of the argument with a more nuanced view of the world and a better appreciation of the perspective and the values of the person you are arguing with, in other words never. Like, that's what you should be aiming for and that's never what's happening.

J: Yeah, I think you should argue on the internet if you can do so respectfully and thoughtfully and, like Hank said, emerge from it with a more nuanced understanding of the world around you, which is very, very rare. But I don't think that it's impossible and I don't quite think that it's never. Because I for one, for many, many years, like I felt that the critique around work that Hank and I did was just incredibly generous and thoughtful but at the same time, like, you know, wasn't like a bunch of people just agreeing with us to agree with us, we would be wrong at times and it would be pointed out to us in ways that were respectful and thoughtful, and then I think when we were at our best at least, or when we are at our best at least, like, we can listen to that, internalize it, and change. And I do think that can happen in online discourse, I have seen it in my own life, I know that it is rare, I know that the quality of conversation online is notoriously poor and sometimes it's so bad that you just have to remove yourself from the conversation which frankly is what I've felt like I've had to do in the last few months and, to be honest, I think my life is better for it, but, like, I don't believe that there is no good or interesting or critical conversation happening online.

H: I agree, I agree. But it's sort of implicit in Erin's question is "What is worth fighting for?" Like, when you see something that just, it feels like "That shall not stand! I must do something about this."

J: Yeah, I mean I think there's a lot that's worth fighting for, but I don't think the right way to have the fight is to scream at people on the internet and try to prove to them that they're wrong. The right way to have to fight is, you know, in how you live your life and in your values and how you vote and in the conversations that you have with people who are willing to be open and listen and when you are willing to be open and listen.

 Question 6 (22:02)

H: I agree. We have another question. This one is from Shanela who says "We speak a different language in our house. Over time I've lost some of that language and get by everyday only through basic conversational phrases. I really like and value my relationship with my parents but I find that I can't always talk about different opinions and complicated topics because I have trouble explaining myself. It feels like I'm a different person with my friends than I am at home where I somehow dumb down and can't express my personality and thoughts. People say that who you are at home is more representative of your actual identity. Do you agree? How do I show more of my personality at home and can I have an honest relationship with my parents?" I think that's really hard.

J: What a great question! We have such interesting listeners!

H: Yeah, such an interesting... And I had a friend when I was growing up who was in this situation, more with his grandparents than with his parents, who also lived in his house, who he was basically unable to communicate with. But that is... It's a tension that I obviously never had to deal with speaking one language and nothing else and being raised in a very homogeneous little world. But, you know, there is a universality in some of this which is, like, do you feel like you, like, like, what is your identity and if you lose that in your home life, if you sort of can't have that in your home life, like, what does that mean for you?

J: Yeah, I actually think that this would be a good time to use our listeners and our hashtags, Hank, because we're not gonna be able to give much direct advice here but maybe #advice4shanela, advice for Shanela, S-H-A-N-E-L-A, could be a good source of advice because I think we're not gonna have much direct to say about this. But I don't agree at all that who you are at home needs to be most representative of your actual identity. And also I mean there's something inherent about the limits of language for everyone that sort of circumscribe the way that we are able to talk about ourselves and express our, you know, concerns and passions to other people, but that's far far more complicated when, you know, you don't have the skills in the language to do that with the kind of nuance that you feel like you need to. So I think it'd be really interesting thing to hear about from other listeners about who've maybe had direct experience with it.

H: I agree with you John.

 Question 7 (24:39)

H: We have one, possibly one more question, and this one is from Toby who asks "Dear Hank and John. In meteorology, climate models predict future events based on current conditions. The models are created and tuned using past weather conditions. However, climate change will begin, or more likely has begun, to change the climate, so if pre-climate-change weather events of an area can no longer accurately reflect current or future weather, our weather models will become inaccurate, so my question is: Will we no longer be able to have forecasts? What kind of economic and sociological problems will this pose?" Toby, you... This is such a minor problem on the scale of climate change. It is a thing to be somewhat concerned with especially when it comes to local forecasts and local weather people who know their local weather patterns and sort of know what to expect, and they will potentially be wrong more often, but compared with say, you know, having too build a wall around New York City, or, like, not having water fall on crops, I am less worried about this particular problem.

J: Well but I think though the larger issue I think that Toby is talking about is a concern about not just, like, being able to have forecasts but forecasts being very useful for not just, like, people who, like, want to go to the beach, but farmers who need to understand, you know, what the rainfall levels will likely be during certain months of the year.

H: But the other thing to note is that weather and climate are very different things and it is... You know, the patterns that we see that, we can sort of understand in terms of, like, forecasting, you know, one or two or five days out, those things actually won't change. Like, high pressure systems, low pressure systems, like what those things bring, what, you know, cold fronts and, like, that stuff's gonna like... We'll be able to see that coming, we'll be able to do these short term predictions. Predicting climate and predicting weather are very, very separate things, so I'm actually, I'm not super concerned about this.

J: But predicting climate is really important for farmers. 

H: Predicting weather you mean?

J: Right? Like, no, climate, like the likelihood that there will be like, in certain years because of larger climate patterns there will be more rain or less rain in certain seasons, right? Like the rainy season... Correct me if I'm wrong because I am not a scientist, but the rainy season, you know, may move in Eastern Africa depending on whether there's, you know, the temperature of the ocean water is this or that. Whatever.

H: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean that's sort of an...

J: That seems like a big problem to me.

H: That's an in-betweeney place. That's a place in between what we would call, like, I think meteorology versus climate science. So yeah I mean weather, I mean, like, the atmosphere is a very dynamic and changeable and weird thing. And our understandings of it generally reach out to, like, two days from now, in terms of actually, like, predictive science. But the larger weather patterns can have these sort of, like, you know, you can sort of make a bet, you know, you can bet one way or another and that is a concern and I hadn't thought about it so thank you to Toby for bringing that up.

J: But Hank, you are on record as saying that you think that climate change is going to be a fairly big deal in the coming century.

H: I am on record as saying that, yes. That is a safe position.

J: I wanted to ask you about some stuff I've read recently, here's the biggest question that I have: do you think, and again, I don't know much about climate science so I might be way off here, but do you think there's any way that we could have Taylor Swift (Hank laughs) do concerts everywhere. You know, so that like after she left there would be these, like, months of joyous beautiful blue skies.

H: Well I think that'd be a huge problem. If Taylor Swift did simultaneous concerts everywhere and then there was two months straight of blue skies, we would run out of water real quick. That would be called the Swiftocalypse and it would just, most people would die.

J: So you would be opposed to that.

H: I do like the idea though. I like the thought experiment.

J: OK I just want to check because I'm trying to figure out, like, maybe there's a different band that brings rain the way that Taylor's concert brought this incredibly beautiful weather to Indianapolis and so... Anyway, I'm just gonna keep, just keep it in the back of your mind because I know there's lots of different approaches to what we're gonna do with climate change, (Hank laughs) I know that there's, you know, lots of people working hard on lots of solutions, but I'm just saying this is maybe one of them.

H: Well we need a more diverse, you know, round up of musical acts that affect the weather. We need some people who make it warmer, some people who make it rain, some people who make it cooler, you know, so, yeah, we need diversity.

J: Yeah, and it seems, at least it appears that all Taylor can do is bring, you know, blue cloudless skies and beautiful, early fall weather, so we're gonna need someone who can reliably deliver the rain. I'm gonna work on that, that'll be my project for the next few weeks while you work on other solutions to climate change.

 News from Mars (30:14)

J: Should we move on to the News from Mars and AFC Wimbledon?

(News music)

H: Hey John, do you think it's time for the News from Mars and AFC Wimbledon?

J: Yes, although we should acknowledge that what's happened is that Hank broke something in his podcasting because he's incompetent and I'm very competent and I'm the good one and he's the bad one, and so we've had to do the news from the glorious future where we are here, physically together, at NerdCon: Stories in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Hank, what is the news from Mars?

H: The news from Mars, let me see if I can remember what the news from Mars was.

J: I actually do remember.

H: What was it?

J: Nope, I'm not gonna make it easy for you. But basically the news from Mars was this amazing thing about... Mars doesn't have a magnetic field. And that's why the atmosphere that was once on Mars sort of blew away due to solar winds. After I do this, you're gonna do the news from AFC Wimbledon. And what we learned is that this may be because Mars used to have this heavy metal core, and then magma, and then a crust, and that sort of solid-liquid-solid vibe is what allowed this magnetic field to exist, but now it's solid, at least in parts, all the way down although there are still parts of Mars that are still magnanimous? That's...

H: That's definitely right.

J: That doesn't mean what I thought it meant. Anyway, so we're starting to try to understand why that happened in the hopes that we can eventually build a Martian atmosphere, maybe that doesn't blow away. And that's the news from Mars.

H: That was roughly... He skipped a little step which is that now there is no longer a magnetic field because Mars is mostly solid all the way through. Maybe you did say that and I just misunderstood.

J: I did say that, I nailed the news from Mars.

 News from AFC Wimbledon (32:14)

J: What's the news from AFC Wimbledon, how'd we do in our last couple games?

H: You tied one of them, which was against another team.

J: That's right.

H: And that was a little disappointing.

J: Yes, but then the other one?

H: But then other one, you won

J: What was the score?

H: I think it was 3-1.

J: It was 2-0, but you got the spread correct!

H: And that means that AFC Wimbledon now has a zero goal differential.

J: That's right!

H: Which means that they've scored the same number of goals that they have given up.

J: That's right!

H: And they are solidly in the middle of the pack of tier two.

J: Tier four.

H: Tier four English football.

J: Oh God, can you imagine the days when we might be a second tier English football club, Hank? The glory! The glory that awaits AFC Wimbledon. But yes, we beat Barnet and tied Northampton town.

H: Rosianna, how's Barnet pronounced?

Rosianna: Barnet.

J: So we beat...

Rosianna: Barnet.

H: Yeah, like bonnet, like the thing you wear on your head.

J: Yes, so we dominated bonnet, we beat them 2-0 and now... How do we say Northampton?

Rosianna: Northampton.

J: Oh OK, we were close on that one.

 Conclusion (33:26)

J: Alright, so that was the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, sorry Hank's podcasting equipment broke, but, you know, this wasn't bad. In the original one I had a great joke about how if we just put Black Sabbath at the center of Mars-

H: Oh God, yeah. That was really good.

J: -then potentially we could have an atmosphere on Mars again because it would have the heavy metal core.

H: Yes, right. And then I made a joke about what's in their mini fridge.

J: Yeah, which was funny in context but not really funny when we summarized it. So with that noted, we are going to go ahead and end the podcast. Thank you for listening, you can always write us your questions, comments, concerns, recommendations for short poems at

H: This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins who's been a real trooper in getting this together despite the fact that we're doing it partially at NerdCon: Stories. The theme music is by Gunnarolla, and Maureen Johnson, what do they say in our home town?

Maureen: Oh, don't forget to be awesome!? Did I do it right?

H: That was great.

J: That was perfect.

M: Great.