Hank: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John.

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank.

Hank: It's a weekly podcast where I, Hank Green, and my brother John, answer your questions and give you dubious advice, and bring you all of the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. But first, John, do you have a poem for us?

John: I do have a poem this morning, but I thought we could start by just talking about how we're doing. How are you?

Hank: Oh, I'm okay, my refrigerator still isn't running so... I wanna make a video on how to deal with your refrigerator stopping working because apparently it is not an easy problem to fix!

John: Well, here's a broad observation, Hank, and I hope that you don't take this too personally but for 249,850 of the 250,000 years that humans have been on this Earth they haven't had refrigerators and we've done just fine as a species so maybe you need to suck it up.

Hank: (Laughs) Ah, fine. Do you wanna tell me, do you wanna tell me how you're doing?

John: I'm doing great, things are good here. My five year old son has just started school and it's so cute with the backpack and, and his little school uniform and everything, it's just adorable. I, yes, I couldn't be happier, it's a beautiful summer here in Indianapolis, the White River is at it's very, very finest. Life is good, and here is a poem by Emily Dickinson - Tell all the truth but tell it slant:

"Tell all the truth but tell it slant -
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind -"

I love this poem but I also don't know what it means. And, I've loved it for a long time and I've felt torn in two directions about it for the longest time, because... One of the things that's interesting about Dickinson's poetry is the sort of waxing and waning relationship that she has with religious faith and with the idea of the soul and I feel in this poem there is both the waxing and the waning, and I can handle one poem waxing and another waning but I'm not sure that I can handle waxing and waning within the same poem. But I love that line "Tell all the truth but tell it slant". I think it is a really, really good piece of advice when it comes to telling stories and also when it comes to writing. So that's today's poem.

Hank: Mmm. I very rarely know what to think about poems, John. (John laughs) Emily Dickinson in particular is something that, that was forced upon me in high school and I was like "This is clearly just somebody who put a bunch of words down in an order that, to them and to us, is completely arbitrary". And I need, I need you to give, to teach me how to feel things about these words that are clearly meant to say something but are so afraid of actually saying it.

John: Well the problem with saying things directly, I mean, that's, you know, that's a reasonable criticism of many poems and many works of literature, but the problem with saying something directly is that you end up saying it less effectively, right. Like, let me submit that if you just say there is a certain tension between innocence and experience in adolescence that leads to a simultaneous, like, thrill of the new and feeling of loss about one's childhood that one can never get back, like that isn't, that doesn't hit you in the middle, you can't identify with that. It doesn't feel as transformative as, like, reading about Holden Caulfield experiencing those emotions. So I think that there is something about language that can be, like, transformative and helpful in a way that just "saying something" isn't. But, uh, yeah. So I mean, that's, that's what Emily Dickinson is saying, I think, when she says "Tell all the truth but tell it slant." You know, we can't... If we just say the thing directly, a lot of times, it isn't as impactful, it isn't as moving and important to us. Should we move on to questions or do you want to continue?

Hank: Well, I wanna talk about poetry. Is that OK?

John: OK. OK, yeah, absolutely.

Hank: Just for a little bit. I, I will also submit that you know, there is both a problem and a solution in the way that I feel like poetry operates. The solution is that it's giving us an opportunity to think, it's kind of a... It's a prompt wherein, like, it's not saying "Here's the thing to think" it's saying, "Here is something that will make you think". And I appreciate that, I appreciate, I love things that make me think, and I think, you know, by not being all up front and being, you know, 100% this is the thing that I'm trying to say, it gives you the opportunity to fill it in. The problem that that solution also causes is that it doesn't truly function unless... It sort of relies on the reader and the writer to have come from a similar place, in that, you know, these... Well, not necessarily. I think that, it relies on them having come from a similar place if the reader is going to get what the writer intended for them to get.

John: Well, yes and no. I mean, look, a reader and a writer have to work in collaboration and a reader has to do their job just as the writer has to do their job, but, like, let me give you the example of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the great American novel written by Mark Twain. You know, like, there is a right way and a wrong way to read that novel. It's not just, it doesn't just exist to make you think, it exists to make you understand some of the reasons that, that slavery is so unjust and that sort of like a demented moral conscience across a social order can lead to people believing that virtue is sin and sin is virtue. Like that's not trying to, like, make you think, it's trying to make an argument that will, you know, will change your belief system or affirm your understanding of humanity or challenge it. And I think, like, that, the idea that, like, you know, all readings of a story or a poem are equally valuable or there are no wrong answers in literature like there are in science, like I just dismiss that completely. I think that, you know, I think that authorial intent isn't particularly important, but meaning is and there are better and worse readings of a text, and it's just like science in the sense that our responsibility as readers is to try, to try to get to whatever truth might be inside a work of art.

Hank: Yeah. I feel you. In the case of a novel, I would understand it much more of, like, the, you know, the amount of information there allows for a more solid interpretation, but I think the economy of words in poetry, and also the, you know, the intent of it being a little bit, you know, like leaving room there for the reader to be a part of the work, it, in a way, it... I feel like without, without, you know, participation in Emily Dickinson's culture I would have a very difficult time understanding what Emily Dickinson's work meant.

John: No! I mean, it's right there in the text, like, you know "As Lightning to the Children eased with explanation kind" like, you know, we don't tell young children, like, you know, lightning is this terrifying bolt of electricity from the sky that will kill you. We're like, "Oh listen to the, you know, look at the beautiful lightning and then hear the big thunder" you know? And her argument here is right in the last two lines of the poem "The Truth must dazzle gradually or every man be blind". Like, if somehow, you know, the secrets of the universe and of God and the soul were revealed to us all at once, that like this, that truth would be blinding. Now, I don't agree with the argument of the poem necessarily but, like, I think there is a reading of it. Like, I don't think that it's, like, that hard, like I don't think that's it's a matter of like, you know, needing to understand, you know, what kind of house Emily Dickinson grew up in or, like, what color clothing she wore. I think it was usually white, for the record. (Hank laughs) But I think, you know, I think, like, the poem can stand on its own. Now not all poems can stand on their own but I think that one can.

John: Can we get to the questions?

Hank: I think that's probably a good idea.

John: Alright, this question is from from Ellie. She writes "Dear John and Hank. My name is Ellie and I've been a Nerdfighter for over two years. My question to you is do you think there is a possibility of there being different universes? Do you believe in the multiverse theory?" Now I am not a scientist, Ellie, so I'm gonna answer this question first and then I'm gonna let Hank, who actually has information related to the subject, answer it. I totally believe in the multiverse theory. I believe that there is a universe in which every possible thing that could have happened happens. Where, like, a butterfly flapped its wings this way in one universe and that way in another universe and that in and of itself made a different universe and there is this, like, nearly, well I don't know if you can really say nearly infinite, because infinity isn't a big number. But there's this, like, countless, you know, gajillions of universes out there and in each of them, interestingly, Donald Trump does not become President.

Hank: This is a conversation John and I have previously had, that if there is a possibility that all things could happen, even in that infinite sphere, in none of them does Donald Trump win the Republican nomination for President.

John: Actually, I think there's two of them.

Hank: And yet we continue talking about it.

John: No, I think there's two of them out of the, like, fourteen quadrillion possibilities, I think there are two in which he gets the nomination but in neither of those two does he become President. And in one of the two where he gets the nomination, my understanding is that there is an asteroid that hits the Earth that results in there only being seventeen Americans left.

Hank: (Laughs) But he still loses to Samuel, who was a manager at a meat processing plant, but wins the majority of the vote.

John: He actually wins sixteen to one in the end.

Hank: So Ellie, from, to talk about this in a more scientific way, it's, there is... This idea of believing in a scientific theory is sort of imagining the way that science works incorrectly. So, I think that sometimes we want there to be a world that we can, you know, just like, kind of decide how we want to see the world, and I think that we should and can do that when it comes to personal relationships and to culture, but when it comes to the multiverse and the universe, we don't really get to decide what we believe in. There is a way that it is, and we don't know. So, we don't know whether there's a multiverse or not. We have people who have proposed it, because there is complicated math that I do not and do not want to understand, and they have, they have, that argument, and they will continue to have those arguments for probably a very long time until, until some day in which they can say with relative certainty that one or the other thing is true, and then we will continue on our path to learning more about how, how the universe functions.

John: But is it possible, Hank, that there is this, like, nearly infinite set of universes, and that everything that happens in the universe creates a new one?

Hank: Yeah. Yeah.

John: Wow!

Hank: I mean when you start talking cosmically, a lot of things are possible, first of all. But yeah, I mean it's definitely a thing that has been proposed and has been worked on, and in the way that cosmologists and physicists deal with these things it has been, it has been scrutinized, but it is a very difficult thing to scrutinize 'cause at the point where we are talking about the universe in terms of equations and not in terms of what we observe, it is a weird, weird thing when it all boils down to math.

John: Wow!

Hank: This question is from Maggie who asks "Dear Hank and John. If you could have any three languages instantly downloaded into your brain, which would they be and why?"

John: Well from my perspective it would be very helpful to have English, all of English immediately. There are so many English words that I need when I'm writing that I find it difficult to access or remember or, like, I'm trying to use my brain as a thesaurus and it isn't working. So I would start with English. Second would be Spanish, a lot of Spanish speakers in my life and I think it would be fun to be able to speak Spanish, also I really like this NPR show my friend Daniel Alarcón makes called Radio Ambulante but I can't listen to it, the Spanish parts, because I don't speak Spanish. And then the third would be Mandarin because I, I believe that, you know, obviously that would be very useful if we could make Crash Course: World History videos in Mandarin, Spanish, and English instead of just English. So those would be my three, Hank. What about you?

Hank: Yeah, I think I'd probably just pick the three most commonly spoken languages that weren't English. I would not just try and get more English 'cause I feel like I'm pretty good there. But yeah, Mandarin, Hindi, and Spanish I believe are the three most spoken languages. English is in the top, the top four as well, I think.

John: You want to know the top five spoken languages, Hank?

Hank: Am I wrong?

John: Mandarin, Spanish, English, Hindi, and, do you have a guess?

Hank: Uh, no. I have no idea.

John: It's actually Minion.

Hank: What?

John: Minion.

Hank: Like the, the little, the little yellow things?

John: Yeah. Minion is fifth.

Hank: Uh.

John: It's actually Arabic. That was more of a joke for my son than a joke for you but I enjoyed it greatly.

Hank: You know what the weird, the weird thing about Minions, have you noticed this? That like Minions are loved by children and women over 65.

John: Mmm. I'm not sure that Minions are loved by women over 65. I don't think there's anyone over the age of 9 who really loves a Minion right now.

Hank: No! No! It's crazy! It's, I was just at a wedding shower at a, at this... So my friend has a friend who is in her sixties, and her house is covered in Minions. Covered. And she, she has amazing... She's an artist, shes an amazing water colorist, and she does really beautiful textile art and she is really intelligent, wonderful woman and she's obsessed with Minions, and when you look, when the Minions movie was first announced, there was, you know, the trailer got shared on Facebook, and it was just all, all comments from people in their sixties being like "Well I know this is for kids but I tell you what, they sure, I cant wait." They love it! They, I... It's so strange. We should talk to mom about it and be like, "Mom, are you into Minions?" I don't think she is, but maybe she would be. I don't... It's weird, it's a thing.

John: I really think, respectfully, that you found one person who happens to like Minions, and happens to be a woman over 60 and you make it a very broad conclusion.

John: Let's take another question Hank. This one's from River. "Dear John and Hank. I've watched the World Cup for a long time, now I want to start following the game full time, but I don't know where to start because it's very confusing. I chose Chelsea initially, because I like the name but, well I was put off from them soon after," presumably because the were built from the blood of actual Russian peasants, anyway, "Any tips for the beginner soccer follower? How do you choose your team?" Well River, it's not easy, but you choose AFC Wimbledon. And then you realize that you can't watch AFC Wimbledon, week in and week out because they play in the fourth tier of English football. So you choose the other great club in England, Liverpool Football Club. It's that easy River. Done and Dusted.

John: There's also a question for you Hank. "Will you be in season two of that thing you're doing with Wil Wheaton?"

Hank: I will be! And so will Aankia and Jeremy. If you're aware of what we're talking about, I did a show called Titansgrave: The Ashes of Valkana with Wil Wheaton and some friends in which we play the highest production value session of a tabletop RPG that you've ever seen. So it's like Dungeons and Dragons if you've heard of that, but it's not Dungeons and Dragons. Where we take on the role of characters and fight evil. It's real fun and real good and real funny and I just went to the subreddit, reddit.com/r/forwardsfromgrandma and it is full of Minions! (John laughs) Sorry John.

John: Are you serious?

Hank: Yes!

John: But, like... Wait, it's reddit/r/what?

Hank: Forwards from grandma.

John: I'm gonna look 'cause I don't believe... Wow, that's a lot of Minions. (Hank laughs) Goodness gracious.

John: Let's move on to another question, this one's from Brianna who writes "Dear John and Hank. Salutations, my name is Brianna and I fell out of a tree today. I was climbing a tree, then I slipped and was in a position where I could either fall on my knees or jump and land on my feet. I chose the latter, but I was barefoot because I find shoes rather cumbersome and so I landed on the sidewalk and stumbled a few steps and curled into a panting heap for a few minutes. Some people drove by and looked concerned so I decided I had to get up so that no one called an ambulance because I was fine, just shaken. Once I got up, it felt like my body no longer trusted my mind's decisions, so I couldn't run but I also couldn't stop moving? Now I'm realizing that this story is too long. My question is, what tree climbing advice can you give me because I rather like climbing trees." 

Hank: (Laughing) This is my favorite question we've ever got. That's a really good question, Brianna. I have to say I'm not a super expert, it sounds like you may know a good deal more about tree climbing than I do.

John: Yeah, I'm a little confused as to why Brianna reached out to Dear Hank and John or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank, for tree climbing advice when she seems to be the world's leading tree climber.

Hank: Yeah.

John: I guess the first thing I'd say, Brianna, is when I set out to climb a tree, even though I do find shoes rather cumbersome at times, I put them on. So that's my number one piece of advice: wear some shoes.

Hank: Yeah.

John: Your ancestors were barefoot for so long and they worked so hard to make shoes possible for you. Over generations and generations they toiled so that you could have shoes when you climb trees whereas they could not so wear shoes. That's actually my main piece of advice, other than that it seems to me that you're an expert tree-climber.

Hank: Yeah, I mean I'm very glad that you didn't fall on your knees because that would've been very bad. Knees are not designed for being fallen on, feet are. And, uh, yeah.

John: Hank, how tall do you suppose this tree was where she was able to land and be unhurt? I feel like if I fell from a tree that was three or four feet above the ground, I would definitely break a leg.

Hank: You can fall from higher than that, it turns out, and be alright.

John: Mmm. Maybe you can, I'm old.

Hank: You get, you start getting into trouble once you get up over ten feet or so, where you're pretty guaranteed to have a broken bone of two.

John: Hank, sometimes you say things and you say them very authoritatively in the way that you always say things, and I can't decide if you actually know all these things or if you just have a gift for having a voice that sounds like you know things, like is ten feet actually, like, the distance at which injuries become far more likely, or are you just a confident liar?

Hank: OK, we have, we've got another question. This one is from Reed who asks "Dear Hank and John. Do fish sleep? If they do sleep, what do you think fish dream about?" Any ideas John?

John: Hank, I know that there's nothing more boring than other peoples' dreams, but can I tell you about my dream anyway?

Hank: (Sighs)

John: I dreamt last night that I was imprisoned with Sarah, my beautiful wife. We were both imprisoned, and we were trying to find a way for one of us to escape because our children were on the loose. They were having to take care of each other. And I love my five year old son very much, and he's an incredibly good big brother, but he is unqualified to take care of Alice. Oh, it made me very anxious. Anyway, I think when fish sleep they have anxiety dreams, just like we do, presumably they dream of sharks, and of being eaten. They dream of the world without them which will indeed be the world soon enough.

Hank: Oh. Fish will be okay, there's a lot of ocean. Well, not all of them will be okay, but I think, I think most of the fish will be alright.

John: Hank.

Hank: Yes?

John: Hank.

Hank: What?

John: Hank.

Hank: What?

John: None of them will be okay. None of the fish will be okay. They are all going to die. Every fish, every moment it's swimming, knows that oblivion is coming

Hank: Right, each individual fish will die.

John: Yes, and then eventually all of the fish will die, and there will be no life on Earth.

Hank: Alright, let's... Can we get back to the original question? Which is about whether or not fish sleep?

John: Do they?

Hank: Not really. They... Fish, do not have eyelids, so they don't, they can't close their eyes, like we would when sleeping. They also don't do the thing that we do when we sleep, which is that we, like, power down parts of our brains, and, like, our brain enters into a new, a new way of operating. Their brains aren't really that comp... like they're not super complicated, fish brains. So they don't really do that. They do... Some fish, like, rest, they have resting periods. But it doesn't seem to be that it is... It's more of a physical rest than it is a mental, an alteration in the mental state the way that sleep is for us. So fish don't really sleep, no, and they don't, and because of that they don't dream.

John: Wow.

Hank: Which is interesting.

John: So fish don't dream about sharks.

Hank: Yeah they don't dream. Yeah, they don't have anxiety dreams. What a lovely, what a lovely thing.

John: Do you think fish feel anxious, though, because I feel like they do. Like when I see fish I always feel like they're super anxious.

Hank: Probably. I imagine that all prey animals have some kind of anxiety-based instinct.

John: Let me ask a followup question, Hank. Would you consider humans to be a prey animal?

Hank: No.

John: Then why do I have so much anxiety?

Hank: Well I think that we certainly are related to prey animals, we're closely related to prey animals, and also I think that there are a lot... You know, I guess you don't have to be a prey animal to experience anxiety, there are lots of things to be anxious about that aren't death and you know, being consumed, so I think that even if it's, you know, your...

John: Wait wait, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Backup backup backup. There are other things to be anxious about? I've been devoting so much time to being anxious about death that I didn't even know... What are these other things that I need to be worrying about? Please list them immediately.

Hank: (Hank laughs) You know, social standing, mates is one of the primary things that humans and other animals are anxious about, so you know, finding and securing someone to procreate with, and also who will love you for being you.

John: Oh, I quite like my mate, and I'm reasonably happy with my social standing, so that's a big relief. So can I just focus on death, is that OK?

Hank: Yeah, that's fine I mean that's actually like a sign that you're doing pretty good. If you know, you're focused on the, you know, the sort of most inevitable, and unavoidable problem that we all face. That's good, that's fine. You know, that means that you're, you've handled the more handleable ones. Good job.

John: Today's episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by the fear of death. The best fear, according to Hank.

Hank: Today's episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by feet. You do not need to wear shoes on your feet because of how cumbersome they are, if you are climbing trees. But maybe you should anyway, just for safety's sake.

John: Today's episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by Grandma who wants you to know that the Minions movie will be out on DVD soon.

Hank: Today's episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by the Multiverse Theory. Completely unconcerned with whether or not you believe in it.

John: Alright, Hank. Just a couple more quick questions before we get to the all-important news from AFC Wimbledon, and I guess also the news from Mars.

John: This question is from Klaus, who is from Germany, and who asks: "Dear John and Hank. How would you go about implementing the metric system in North America?" Let me answer this question first, Klaus, because I happen to know that Hank is a delusional fan of the metric system because he believes in base ten numbers instead of that sweet, sweet base 12 that we have here in the United States with our 12 inch feet, and our 12 feet per square meter. Hank, is that correct?

Hank: Ah. You just made me... That was just like, a super cringe.

John: So, let me answer your question with a question, Klaus: Why on Earth would we adopt the metric system here in the great United States of America when we already have an excellent system of measuring distances? There are twelve inches in a foot, there are three feet in a yard, and there are 5,280 feet in a mile. Could it be any simpler? The answer, my friend, is no.

Hank: Well Klaus asks a question and if you think we should actually answer it instead of being intentionally obtuse we could do that

John: I wasn't being intentionally obtuse. I like that there are 5,280 feet in a mile. I find it so much easier to remember than the number of meters in a kilometer.

Hank: Klaus, I will answer your question by just saying that it is indeed difficult, and I do not want to, like, be too angry at America for not having converted to the metric system because it is a big and diverse country with a lot of needs and a lot of systems that have been put in place and would be very difficult to change from. And, yeah, it's a big country. It goes all the way from one side of the continent to the other, and we are also very powerful and there's a lot of efficiency in that power. We can say like "Well we would change except that everybody else is completely willing to deal with our weird system of measurements so that they can do business with us, so why would we when it's gonna cost us money and effort and annoyance to change?" So there are good reasons why America doesn't change to the metric system, but they are not, they are practical reasons that have to do with economics and with efficiency. They are not reasons that have to do with just how, how much more efficient the whole world would be if everybody used the same units. We are not in a perfectly global society, and so we do not function as a global society, we function as a unit of the United States and we say "Well it's about us being more efficient using the systems we've always used not about the whole world being more efficient trying to get all one system of measurement." Which would be obviously not the system of measurement we use and even Americans recognize that we don't want the rest of the world to use our stupid system. But we have a hard time switching because we have a lot invested into our current stupid system. So I really don't know. And I don't think it's gonna happen, you know, in the short term. In the next thirty years I doubt we will shift to the metric system. I would love for it to happen, and science has largely shifted to the metric system. I, you know, use metric measures for weight and distance myself. But I don't for temperature, because that just is very confusing to me. And, yeah. I think that, I also think that it's perfectly reasonable and possible to be a two system country and we kind of are. You know, we function in both. So, that was a long answer to Klaus's very short question in which I didn't actually answer the question because I don't think that we are going to do it.

John: I think we'll do it but I think we'll do it when we become less powerful on the global stage and so that it makes more sense for us to do it because we're losing, you know, real, measurable benefit from not doing it. But I will say that I think it will be sad day.

Hank: Yeah, that's absolutely what it come down to.

John: It will be a very sad day because, you know, how are we gonna know how far it is from Los Angeles to New York, you know? We won't even be able to calculate that any more. Distance will just be a thing that we have to estimate using, you know, like, "Oh, it's about 400 thousand human heads between Los Angeles and New York". (Hank laughs) That'll be the only way that we'll have of measuring distances, it's just the approximate width of the adult human head.

Hank: I want to know how close you actually were to the real distance, 400,000 human heads. Is that way too much or way too few, or roughly correct? I'm gonna do that math.

John: (Sighs) Well Hank, first off, it depends if you're talking about the width or the length of a human head because they aren't perfectly circular. (Hank laughs) So I'm sure someone is going to figure that out for me, but I'm going to guess that I nailed it. Based on everything I know about myself.

John: Hank, it's time for News from Mars, a cold dead rock, further from the Earth than the Sun that has no atmosphere to speak of. And also the news from AFC Wimbledon, the most exciting fan-owned football club in the world and arguably the greatest institution that human beings have ever come together to produce. What's the news from Mars this week?

Hank: Well, in the news... I'm sorry, I was doing math.

John: I mean Hank, I got it exactly right, it's not hard. Just trust me, I know the width of a human head.

Hank: Sorry, I'm still doing math. Just a second. You were off by a lot.

John: Incorrect, you've measured the human head poorly.

Hank: (Laughs) It's amazing, you would think that 400,000 human heads laid side by side in any orientation would be a long way, but it's actually on the order of, you know about a hundred to two hundred miles.

John: No way!

Hank: Let's move on to the news from Mars, John, is that alright with you?

John: Yes, please let's.

Hank: OK. This week NASA tested one of the... Oh, not one of the, the most powerful rocket engine ever developed, one of the most efficient rocket engines ever developed as well, which will be used on the space launch system which will propel American astronauts, once again, into space as we move beyond the era where we are piggybacking on the rockets of our Russian friends. And the engines are meant for single use, they are crazy. Like they're basically built to work, you know, they're single use engines, so you light them off and they rocket - that was not meant to be a pun - they rock it so hard that they basically, you know, are pretty close to the danger zone in terms of engineering and failure, but that allows them to be very efficient by having so much thrust. They have a very good thrust to weigh ratio, these are the RS-25 engines. And we just did sort of a final test, NASA did a final test where they ran one of these engines on the ground and not attached to an actual space vehicle and it went very well. And these will be the engines, if we ever take humans to Mars, they will likely be the engines that do it.

John: I'd like to slightly adjust my estimate for the number of human heads between Los Angeles and New York from 400,000 to 40 million because I think that 400,000 is about 30 miles or 35 miles but I think 40 million is darn near perfect. It's just a quick 40 million head plane ride from Los Angeles to New York City. I'm sorry, what was the news from Mars? (Hank laughs) You guys built a rocket? It's super fast?

Hank: It's a really great rocket. It's like, it's the Ferrari of rocket engines, John. It's gonna get us to Mars way faster, and it's gonna make really loud noises and a lot of fire. 

John: That's really exciting, Hank, congratulations on your new rocket.

John: Hey, AFC Wimbledon won their first game of the season! They came from one-nil down against Crawley Town and won the game two to one. The first goal of the season for AFC Wimbledon was scored, of course, by the Beast, Adebayo Akinfenwa, the player I love above all others at least among current players in England. He's the biggest, strongest, toughest English football player and he's got DFTBA on his shorts. Both of the first two home games unfortunately have resulted in losses, so from three games AFC Wimbledon has just three points. That's not enough, we need to start doing better soon. But, the John Green Stand has sold out in each of the first two games, so that's something. But yeah, we won a game two to one. You know what they say, Hank, "One-nil down to two-one up, that's the way we're gonna get promoted to League One". So it's very exciting. I am hopeful about the season, but of course a little nervous about our start here just three points from the first three games. And that's the news from AFC Wimbledon.

Hank: What a wonderful time in your history, John. I'm excited for you.

John: That's nice. You did a good job of faking it.

Hank: I do my best because what you feel is completely valid.

John: Mmm. I feel the same way about what you feel but just less so.

Hank: (laughs) Oh, John.

John: OK Hank, so what did we learn today?

Hank: We learned that you should probably wear shoes when you're climbing a tree.

John: And we learned that apparently grandmothers love Minions, the fifth most popular language spoken in the world today.

Hank: We also learned that John would rather learn English than a language that would allow him to talk to hundreds of millions of people.

John: I'm just trying to become a better writer, Hank. And, of course, we learned, thanks to Ellie, that there may or may not be a multiverse. But regardless, the Multiverse doesn't care if we believe in it.

Hank: And in one of those universes John, in one of those universes, AFC Wimbledon just won the World Cup.

John: Nope, actually, they didn't. In none of those universes because AFC Wimbledon could never possibly compete in the world cup, because they are not an independent nation. But in one of those universes...

Hank: In one of those universes, they are! They are an independent nation, just that little town, it's like the Vatican inside of England, and then they win the World Cup!

John: That was great.

Hank: And I want to thank everybody for listening to this episode of Dear Hank and John.

John: Also thanks for submitting your questions, which you can continue to do at hankandjohn@gmail.com we'll endeavour to answer as many as possible in future podcasts.

Hank: Our theme music is from Gunnarolla. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. We are John and Hank Green, and as they say in our hometown:

Both: Don't Forget To Be Awesome.