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Being harassed is a scary and confusing experience, at least it has been for me this time and in the past. It’s nice to know that there are people who understand the struggle and the energy it can take to navigate. I hope this video has created a safe space for people to find camaraderie and learn new ways to care for themselves during sexual challenges.

Please, if you have any difficulties with abuse of any kind, check out Engage by UpLift. Their channel is specifically designed to help victims and perpetrators get better and connect with resources. I trust their messaging and value their content greatly.

Here’s a link:
Their Harassment and Trolling video can be found here:

If you need instructions on blocking a caller/texter on your phone here are links for various types of devices:

iPHONE: “Simply go to your list of recent callers (open the Phone app, then hit the Recents tab at the bottom). Click the 'i' symbol next to the unwanted number, scroll down and tap Block this Caller, then confirm your decision. You won't be bothered with any calls, texts or FaceTime calls from that number.”

ANDROID: “To block calls, open the Phone app, select Call History, tap the number, then select Block Contact or Block Caller. To block calls, open the Phone app, select Menu to Settings to Call Reject to Reject Calls From and add numbers. To block calls for numbers that have called you, go to the Phone app and open the Log.”

A detailed explanation:

**I was also informed that you can call or visit your mobile phone company and request that they block the caller from their end. They can probably also walk you through the steps on your phone if you’d like to have control of the settings.

To screen capture conversations or images you’ve been sent, you can use these links for instructions:

I'm going to talk to you about something calmly, but I want you to know that doesn't mean I'm not really upset about it.

Monday: 5:29 PM, 5:29 PM, 6:09 PM, 7:25 PM, 9:27 PM. Tuesday: 12:44 PM, 12:45 PM, 12:52 PM, 12:53 PM, 1:00 PM.

These are just some of the times, I've received a call from someone in Fresno, CA. No voicemail. No sign of it stopping. I don't answer anymore because I know the caller is intentionally harassing me. He also sends texts from these lines with unwanted sexual messages, including dick pics, and demands that I, "Text back babe."

You may be wondering why I don't just block them which you can do by the way. Instructions are in the description. There are two reasons:

1. blocking doesn't stop the problem, it merely stops me from seeing it, and in cases like this when someone thinks it's okay to plow through another person's boundaries, they may not not stop just because they're blocked. Some of them get new numbers, threaten your family, show up at your house, and in some cases get physically violent. I can't help but think about what happened to Christina Grimmie, a fellow YouTuber, who was killed at an event she attended. Her story, and being harassed, make me feel vulnerable and on edge like I'm trapped by behaviors I can't control.

I do have options in this though which leads me to my second reason for not blocking the numbers right away; evidence.

Once I realized the severity of the situation, I called the police. I explained to the officer how at first I answered my phone not knowing the circumstances, and how the caller acted strange, pretending to be a prospective client, with no real reason to seek care. I suggested he send an e-mail to my personal assistant (as a buffer) and quickly said goodbye He never sent an e-mail, of course, he continued to call, sometimes in the middle of the night, and started sending sexually harassing texts.

I asserted myself in a text back, "Stop contacting me this is harassment." He didn't stop. Instead he started using a web-based system to generate more and more new numbers, now from places all over the country. The officer I spoke to wasn't sure what to do, which makes some sense because things like this are extremely under-reported and complicated to handle, but there is a process.

First, I take screen-shots of everything happening and send them to the detective on the case. Instructions on how to screen capture what's on your phone and/or computer are also in the description. Once I confirmed that the detective had received them, that's when I blocked the perpetrator in any way possible. Next, the police or an attorney needs to subpoena my phone company, which means file an order that legally requires them to give the investigative parties any information they have about incoming calls and texts to my phone. Specifically, which company or companies supply lines to the perpetrator, so that they can be subpoenaed for the perpetrator's name and address, and then he can be charged with harassment or stalking, which are both federal crimes.

I'm waiting on this to happen. In the mean time there are other ways to take care of myself. At the top of the list, Number One, is to tell the people around me what's going on so that they can provide support and watch out for suspicious behaviors too. I messaged friends on Facebook and told them that because of the harassment I won't be using my phone much and that if I'm cranky when we do talk, it's not because they've done something wrong. It's because my phone reminds me about this really crappy thing going on.

Within minutes I had so many messages of compassion and wisdom. One friend told me I could lie in her hammock and she'd sing to me. Another friend reminded me of how lucky we are to not be like the perpetrator. And a third friend told you can go into settings on your phone and stop any pictures or multimedia from coming in, so that no matter how many numbers this guys gets, I don't have to see his genitals on my phone again.

My second self care tactic is a reality check. Which tells me that reporting crimes is work. It's not one burst of energy, everything is taken care of, all better. In my experience justice is an ongoing, somewhat exhausting endeavor. So whenever I need to, I can change my mind. If I decide to get a new phone number, or drop charges, or move to a remote, tech-less, island, I can. It's up to me.

The third, self care strategy is is positive self talk. "Today, I will fight this battle. I will decide about fighting tomorrow, tomorrow." "This is not your fault." "You did nothing wrong." "Call a friend." "It's gonna be okay."

Lastly, I assign myself a job title, like I said reporting crimes is work. It's like a part time job or a volunteer position. Giving myself a playful job title and job description lets me compartmentalize the anti-harassment tasks I have to do. Every time my phone lights up with a new call from the perpetrator, I imagine myself dressed up in uniform accepting the challenge. Sexual harassment makes those of us the receiving end feel helpless and gross. It makes us feel unsafe and confused. I feel uncomfortable in public, and at home, because of this person harassing me.

I wanna know why HE can't just get help or leave me alone. What I'm working towards is turning anger into motivation and drawing from a reservoir or hope that things will be different. For me and you, if you're undergoing similar experiences. Here is to staying curious about what the future holds. May it be awesome and harassment free.

For more information on dealing with harassment and other forms of sexual abuse, please check out the YouTube channel, Engage by Uplift.