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In which John talks about virginity. The Wimbly Womblys play Rochdale.

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Hello and welcome to Hank Games without Hank. My name is John Green. I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys. 14 points! Clear! Are you kidding me?! In league 2 we can basically do whatever we want between now and the end of the season and we will still go up to league 1. Where we will face the team that used to be us, MK Dons.

Uhm...we still have I- I- I put O- Other John Green on the bench just for one more day. I just want him to recover one more- one more game. Uhm, but Bald John Green is starting today. I just figured it'd be nice to have uh, you know, you don't- you don't want to come back too soon from an injury, and I know Other John Green has got too much hunger. You know, that's just who he is as a player and as a person. Like he just- he loves this club so much, uhm, he knows that we are owned by our fans and he doesn't want to disappoint the owners. Uhm, so I unders- ohh, that should've been a goal. But if Other John Green had been on the other end of that cross, it would've been in the goal 10 times out of 10 cause he's a finisher.

Uhm, speaking of finishing, I'm going to talk today about virginity. That was a topic someone suggested so I thought we'd take a break from Project for Awesome topics for a day or two. And uh, talk about uh, virginity. What I- what I- I- I guess the idea was what are my thoughts on virginity. But I'll also tell you about when I lost my virginity. Because that won't be weird for you guys. Uhm, or for me.

So uhmm...yeah, first off I think virginity is a really weird idea. Uh, but it was a really powerful idea when I- I was a kid, like I- i- it's deeply, you know, I don't know why I never thought about this when I- when I was younger. Like it's such a weird and problematic idea that uhm, you're somehow pure unless and until you do like, one particular sexual act. Like, super particular. Uhm, and that uh, until you do that and unless you do it, you're not really a man or uhm, or- or in the case of uh, so i- i- that's the other thing about it. Is how like, weirdly patriarchal virginity is. That like, doing uh, you know, engaging in this one particular sex act if you're a dude makes you a man. If you're a woman, it makes you impure. Uhm, well, you know, h- how does that work though? Because, yeah. Anyway. It's so- it- it-, I don't know why, I don't know why it still had power to me because I should've been able to say like "Well, this is a ludicrous concept," and like, let's just, you know, let's do uh, sexually like, let's- let's do what we're comfortable with as- as partners and the relationship we're in or the situation that we're in and like, not worry too much about whether it's uh, it constitutes virginity or losing virginity or not.

But anyway, that didn't happen for me at all. Like, instead it was a tremendously powerful idea in my life and I was really like, at first I was kind of proud of the fact- OOOHHHHHHHH OFF THE POST! Ughhhhhh.... At first I was kinda proud of the fact that I was- I was a virgin. I mean, I was also I- I generally found sex very scary, like I found it very like, weird and intimidating and scary when I was a teenager. And it seemed like uh, guys were con-, in retrospect, of course, they were feigning confidence, but like it seemed like other guys were super confident about it and knew what they were doing and I felt like I was a complete, uhhhh, novice, which, you know I was, uhm, and I- I felt like constantly kind of like, like, worried about it. Worried that I, you know, wasn't uh, wasn't gonna be good at it, worried that like I wa- you know, whatever.

Uhm, this instead of like focusing on what like, sex should be about, which is like you know, two people who, uh, you know have like, mutually agreed to do this, do- do- do this weird stuff together. You know, like what's fun for, what's fun for them and like, doing it. Uhm, uh, but instead, like you know, there was the rigidity of the base system of uh, first base and second base and third base and, and a home run and there was uh, all of you know, this mental focus on my part of like, what you know, what's gonna, what am I ready to do and what am I not ready to do and uhm.

But it wasn't really about, it wasn't about what I was really ready to do, it was about like, what kind of person I wanted to seem like to people who I would tell about the stuff that I had done. Uhm, and...yeah. That was really problematic looking back on it. Like, kind of embarrassing.

But, so anyway, I- I- I- I guess that I graduated from high school, technically uh, what, what would now- what would- what would be considered a virgin. Although I had you know lots of like, like I said I think virginity is kind of a stupid, well, not kind of, I think it is a pretty stupid construct. And uhm, I think it's a really weird construct, as well because, uh, it- it says that lots of people like uhm, you know, people who aren't, uh you know, heterosexual uh a lot of people aren't like heterosexual gendered people like, can never have sex, you know.

It's such a weird- anyway. It's such a weird specific definition that we have of like what constitutes sexual intercourse as like most- most- as made most famous by uh, Bill Clinton wh- when he was president, uhm, engage in oral sex with a woman but did not engage in what he considered sexual intercourse, ergo he had not really had quote "sexual relations" with her, so when he said that he did not have sexual relations with her, uhm, under oath he was not lying because uh, that particular act does not constitute sexual relations. Like there was something about the ludicrousness of that whole conversation in the uh late 1990s that uhm, that should have again emphasized to me how strange and uh, unnecessary and- and weird this whole uh, virginity construction was.

So, anyway. Uhhh...than when I was in college I met a girl uhm, my-, who I dated- I ended up dating for many- many years and was very like, great uhm, person and great partner and uhm, I'm sure still is, just not to me. Uhh, and we uh, we had sex like relatively early in our-, like relatively quickly, I guess, in our relationship. Like, we both kind of decided that we liked each other and that we also wanted to uh, to get this uh, to get this past us. And it was terrible. Uhm, it was uh, it was not good. It was, it was awkward and weird and neither of us knew what the hell we were doing and then it got better. Like, you know, most of the things. It's the exact same as my relationship with paying my mortgage, by the way. Uhm, you know, the first time it was a very scary and weird and I didn't feel good about it and uh, I felt like I screwed it up and I kept apologizing to uh, the mortgage people because I thought I sent in the wrong form. And you know, then I got better at it and now I'm able to do it without even worrying whether it's good or bad. Uhm, that's, that's what you thought you would get in a video about virginity. Comparisons to payin' your mortgage. Uhmm, it is, I must say, significantly more fulfilling than paying my mortgage. Uhhh...although that, you know, that's also, that's also a nice way to spend a Tuesday evening.

So anyway, uhm, the lo-, I can't believe I'm, I can't believe I'm defending so poorly there. Okay. The long and short of it is that uhh, you know, like once uh, once I was, once she and I were sexually active, like, uhm, I stopped thinking about uh, this particular, you know, intercourse being the only like, kind of sex or being the only like, fulfilling sex that human beings could have or the only, like, quote and quote "real sex" that human beings could have. And that was like the main, that was the main thing. But I didn't have to have sex to have that realization. Uhm, you know, I could've, I could've had that realization just by having it. Uhm, so, uh, yeah. That was the main- oh! Did I- oh, you were naughty! You were naughty! I'm sorry that's not, that's not my fault that you broke the rules. That was a great tackle. Great job there. Alright. Uhm, yeah so I'm just- I'm not-

Is it still nil-nil? This is an unreasonable- I'm not- I'm doing an unreasonably poor job today and I don't know why. I don't know- I guess maybe- Are the boys tired? Oh, they're VERY tired... did you let this happen? I blame you! Uhm, what were you distracted by? Your boss talking about losing his virginity? That's not- Is that weird? uh, oh Kennedy I wish I could sub you out but you're so good at your job. Uhm, alright, Bald John Green is off we got a whole new front line now. Now we're gonna score. We're gonna go into attacking mode.

Uhm, but yeah, I- I- I think uhm, there's something really, really, troubling to me about uh, about this very narrow definition of virginity and then putting this huge emphasis on it uh, and on a moment, a moment where you lose your virginity. The, the, this like, you know, great- Are you alright there, Other John Green? This great moment in your life where you are transformed. Either transformed by the becoming less pure or transformed by becoming an adult or whatever it is. That, that,that, this like coming-of-age drama is played out uh, sexually and not just sexually but in a very specific sexual way uhm, that uh, you know, like makes you a real proper person, or whatever.

This is problematic to me in a number of ways but one of them is that you don't like, sexuality isn't an event, it's a process and having sex isn't an event it's a process. And like, so I think like, we want, we- it li- like we, we seem to like as humans, we seem to like uhm, events. Like we seem to like imagining things as singular moments. Uhm, like the singular moment of being born again, or the singular moment of uh, of some realization or another realization. Like there's something appealing to us about uh, these events. Like, almost all of those events are really predicated on processes uhm, and I really believe that about, about human sexuality that like, it isn't uhm, you know, you don't, if you wanna imagine virginity uhm, you can't imagine it as something you lose all at once. Because like you know, like you're- there's- there's the- there's the sexual en- engagement of kissing for the first time . There's the sexual engagement of being naked with someone for the first time like, there's all, you know, there's all kinds of ways of being sexual and I- I- I-

OH NO! Seb Brown! Seb Brown. He save two penalties against Luton Town to send us into the football league and then he saves a heroic—I mean that was a big time Seb Brown save right there. That's the kind of thing- that's what we've learned to expect from him. I love it. I love seeing it. Go ahead and tackle me in the box, I don't mind. That's the only way I'm going to score is if we get a penalty anyway.

Uhm, so, yeah, I- I just- I would encourage you to- to uhm, you know, to not- to think about sexuality not as a series of events but as- as a process and uhm, and to you know, have like, really, I know that it's difficult and I know that it's, I know that it can be weird and like I wanted to make this video partly because it's difficult and weird uhm, but like, I really want to encourage people to uh, to- to have like open and honest conversations uhm, with, you know, with their partners whether it's you know, whether it's a casual thing or a long-term relationship or whatever. Like, uhm, you know, nothing, nothing that you feel is weird or wrong uh, and uh, I- I wished that I'd known that when I was a teenager.

Thank you for watching! Sorry about the nil-nil draw. Standard Swoodilypooper. Best wishes. I owe fifty bucks to AFC Wimbledon now because I mentioned Swoodilypoopers. Burr burr burrr...