Good Morning, John. I’m uh getting kinda tired of this pre-movie-release media blitz. They got all of muggle-kind under their spell. I mean don’t they know four months ago I got my tickets on Fandango? How much more money could they make? Let me in or their legs I shall break.

The first part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is coming out tomorrow night and I’m very excited, and of course it’s song Wednesday so it’s possible that those two things have something to do with each other. I’ve just been reading books and *closing book noise* hmmm *closes book again* oohhh *beat made with books shutting, guitar comes in*

(singing) There’s something just occurred to me as I was reading
Another book I'd heard was the next big thing
I thought what would I give, if that could be true
If I could ever feel again the way I felt when I read you
Well I'd pay a million galleons
I’d dress up like I go to Beauxbatons
I'd tattoo my head with a lighting bolt
I'd pawn my wand and Firebolt

But no matter how many good things I'm told
Everything I ever read turns out to be leprechaun gold

Well it's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
It's like water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
My frustration and my agony have pushed me to the brink
I keep tilting back the glass but I never taste the water
It seems no matter what I read I think "this is not Harry Potter."
“No, this is not Harry Potter.”

Well I was pretty impressed with Frankie Landau Banks
But compare saving the world with a couple epic pranks
And there’s no monopoly on non-human people
There's faeries, buggers, talking cats, and Nac Mac Feegle
And Thirteen Little Blue Envelopes
Was fantastic but my Sneakoscope
Would be flashing and spinning if I said
That it was the best book I've read
And you gotta know that this is no joke
That I also read lots of books that my own brother wrote

Well it's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
It's like water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
My frustration and my agony have pushed me to the brink
I keep tilting back the glass but I never taste the water
It seems no matter what I read I think "this is not Harry Potter."
“No this is not Harry Potter.”

And in the darkest hours, of my darkest nights
I found myself curled up with Twilight
And I couldn't help but wonder as I ravenously read
Can you Avada Kedavra the undead?
'Cause Edward Cullen totally has it comin'
And if he saw Voldemort he'd better start runnin'
'Cause there's not much that the Dark Lord and I
Could agree on but I think that we would both hate that guy
And Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington
Is a character name that, by itself, is better than anything in Breaking Dawn

It's been so many years no matter how I try
To read more young adult fiction
I keep coming up dry
And Diagon Alley is cooler than Ankh-Morpork
And President Snow is no Voldemort
And Lyra Silvertongue is Mrs. Coulter's Daughter
That's a good plot twist but it is not Harry Potter.

No this is not Harry Potter!

(speaking) In addition to being excited about Harry Potter I was also really excited about the release of Assassins Creed Brotherhood 2.0. Isn’t that what it’s called? So I’ve decided that I am going to play it and talk at the same time and put those videos up on the internet. And yes I did steal this entire thing completely from Toby Turner. So if you want to watch me play Assassins Creed please come by and do that ah hopefully it will be somewhat entertaining, it certainly is for me!

youtube.com/hankgames John I will see you on Friday