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In which John gets sick with a disease called Mustache, and begins Pizzamas by unboxing the ridiculous and ridiculously beautiful items from Pizzamas 2019 available only at

Huge thanks to all the artists who worked on Pizzamas stuff this year, and to everyone at dftba for making this year's Pizzamas swag the best yet. Also thanks to Paul DeGeorge for making me laugh harder than I have at any other point in 2019.

p.s. None Pizza with Left Beef:

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Good morning Hank it’s Monday,

Oh hold on, I feel like I might need to uh- grow a moustache! Oh God, it’s terrible. Somehow it’s worse because it’s subtle but anyway, it’s Pizzamas- the most magnificent time of the year in Nerdfighteria where, for 2 weeks, we make weekday-ly videos just like it’s 2007 all over again. I don’t like to brag but I think my mustache that inspired Pizzamas was the very first mustache not to know wether it was ironic which is now like a widespread phenomenon.

I can’t explain the whole backstory of Pizzamas- Hank made a video about it once. But every year during Pizzamas, commissions lots of stuff on the theme of my mustachioed face which is only available during Pizzamas. And today I'm gonna unbox all that stuff: I don't know what any of it is.

OK, oh, there it is, oh boy. All right, lets get started with this beautiful Pizza John mug. If you want to drink your coffee in a way that's classy and sophisticated and just slightly mustachioed.

Then we have this magnificently subtle Pizza John sweatshirt

It's a football scarf but for Pizza John. It’s actually a surprisingly comfortable scarf. This is really shaping up to be the best Pizzamas ever.

At this point, the Pizza John shirts are like high art- I mean look at this

Me as a badass pizza delivery driver. I mean this is magnificent.

Oh my gosh, I have to put it on now. 

Then we have this amazing brick head me pizza. I’ve always wanted to be a brick head.

I mean look at this. It’s just a beautiful deconstructed pizza with my face on it. You’re not even gonna feel weird wearing this shirt, you’re gonna feel awesome.

And then lastly but certainly not least, it’s none pizza with left John. [Laughs]. Oh my God. [Laughs again]. Nothing in 2019 has made me as happy as none pizza with left John. I love it all so much, Pizzamas is so beautiful and stupid.

There’s also a great sticker collection incase you’re looking to adorn your phone or your laptop or any other surface with my mustachioed face.

Did we finally make a bandanna? Ah, we did: look at this bandanna. I’m gonna do it- I feel like it’s an obligation. When I was at summer camp, I learned how to tie a bandana- now this was 30 years ago but I bet I can still do it. Everything about this look is excellent but what’s best about it is this little fella [pulls at tuft of hair sticking out from bandanna].

I gotta put on the shirt where I’m on the Vespa.

These shirts are amazing. All of this is available only during Pizzamas at, go right now- False sense of urgency. Now that our profits go to charity, I’ve become a much harder seller. We have more stuff.

Shut the front door- it’s a Pizzamas underground map on which all the stations are a different kind of pizza.

And lastly, we have 2 pins. You can chose between the one that says “pineapple pizza forever” and one that has a pineapple with a line through it and says nope. I guess whichever of these pins sells more will be declared the collective opinion of Nerdfighteria in re-pinapple on pizza.

It really is the best Pizzamas yet. Thanks to everybody at and all the amazing designers who participated in this weird project. You can go to to get your Pizzamas stuff now and- wait, I forgot 2 important things; fortunately, I haven’t shaved my moustache.

First, we’ve got this Pizza John pennant so you can brag about having gone to pizza college.

And secondly, Sarah and I have been making water colour paintings together- I know, it’s so stinking cute. And we’re making just a few of these water colours in the shape of pizza slices which we’re calling mystic pizza by John and Sarah. So yeah, a few of these are also available.

I think that’s it, happy Pizzamas.

Hank, I will see you tomorrow.