Good Morning Hank it's Friday. Hank your song on Wednesday was brilliant - the best song ever written about particle physics. Frankly, Hank it was almost intimidatingly good, like it made me sad I'm not more talented. I mean I realize I write books and to some people that qualifies as a talent, but let me remind you Hank: Lauren Conrad writes books.

But anyway Hank, there's something I've been wanting to ask you. I've always had this dream that, just like we have this collaborative video channel, someday- y'know, this is awkward- but maybe someday we could be on stage playing music together? And I know that I can't sing, and that you play the guitar, and I don't have any rhythm so I couldn't do bass or drums - but Hank, for the last several months I have been learning a musical instrument in the hopes that, y'know like maybe I could be in your band.

Come on, Green! You can do it.

(Sing-a-ma-jig plays)

That's right, Hank. I wanna be your Sing-a-ma-jig player. I mean I've been thinking about it Hank - what is keeping you from becoming the next Justin Bieber? You've got the lyrics, you can play the guitar, you've got a great look, it's a little nerdy but it works, and your quark song on Wednesday was a great example of how you always write about subjects that matter. Or at least, the subject of matter. Hank, what's standing between you and the next level in your career: to paraphrase the great Christopher Walken, "You need more Sing-a-ma-jig."

Hank I know what you're wondering, why should you hire me to be your Sing-a-ma-jig player, I mean anyone with two hands can make Sing-a-ma-jigs harmonize. And that's true Hank, anyone with two hands can make Sing-a-ma-jigs harmonize. But can they make four Sing-a-ma-jigs harmonize? No they can't, because they have not been practicing the instrument of the Sing-a-ma-jig nonstop for months like I have! And it's not just harmony Hank, I can make melodies. Hmmmm?

By the way Hank, I don't know if you knew about these things before today because you don't have a child, but our friend Marina bought them for Henry, and after about 45 seconds of playing with one he looked up at me. And his eyes said: "Hey, Dad, quick favor. I'm gonna need you to go to the store and buy me 500,000 Sing-a-ma-jigs." And Henry just woke up from his nap so I have to go but that's all I wanted to say, I just wanted to throw my hat into the ring as a potential Sing-a-ma-jig player, if, y'know, you ever find yourself in need of one. Nerdfighters, there's only one week left to pre-order Hank's T-shirt-tastic ode to giraffes who love giraffes, link in the dooblydoo. And Hank, I'll see you on Monday.