I almost said penguins did not wear buckled hats which, heh, which is also true. 

That's a fantasti-ope! That was inevitable.

That's my most 'go f**k yourself San Diego' moment of my career so far.

Did you know that puh- I said penguins again. Hi! *beep* penguins, man.

(Intro music plays)

They were, of course, called dilbertos. Dilburitos.

Typically associated with the thanksdiving. Thanksdiving gay games.

Anyway, chultz -- aw, f**k.

Accident, by a grad student. I can't read the teleprompter, sorry. It's not your fault it's the teleprompters fault. I mean, it's not, it's my fault for being too far to the left.

They produced frojan. Frojan. Tr-Trojan burritos!

And home to the largest crab feast in -- oh yeah. Sorry. I saw -- I saw a, uh... I saw a hyphen where none exists, and I had a "go f**k yourself San Diego" moment.

(Drinks from flask) Ugh, boy. It's nine-twenty in the morning; just what I needed. Ima do that again.

Brown ale-- AH, what? Yep, it's called Wee Mac Scottish Ale.

Five presidents, including Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, and James Buchan-- Mmm. Right. That was only four.

(Drinks from flask) Ahh. (Coughs) Oh God, it really does taste terrible.

By the way, I'm on a juice cleanse. Is that funny? Sarah's always like, "the thing about being on a juice cleanse is you don't tell anyone you're on a juice cleanse, but I think it's hilarious."

Hashtag "ways Kathy should eat" was a trending topic on Twitter. I apologize, eat and... And... And... Not eat.

Uh, where is it? This is the worst possible place to have the staff pork chop party fund.

Martin "look at those side burns" Birds? side birds, side burns.

Is that staff an updated-- alalalalle.

The strange death... I don't know why I couldn't say the word "death", that's a new one.

Called a Wee Mac Scottish Ale. I guess I should probably hold that.

Wow! I can be both a fortune teller and a South Carolinian? Thanks, Jesus! Wow!

At the Indianapolis Rotary Crab Fest. Feast. F**kburger.

Did I say "murdering" weird? I feel like I said it "mordering".

So they didn't pay me, but I have cost them a bit of money. (drops can) Ah.

All the creator did was remove "Garfield" from "Comic" from "Garfield Comic Strips"... Yes. That is one of my favorite things of all time. Have you ever seen it, Mark?
Mark: What?
Garfield about Garfield?

A possible, possible reference to masturbation? You've never heard of choking the chicken? Really?

I, I just like making hashtag jokes.

Big Lincoln fans here at Crash Course. Mental Floss. F**k.

Called Wee Mac Scottish-- (drops can) Not a good throw, Stan!

A large talking picture of the drink smashed-- I can't do it! Kool aid-- I can't do it, man!

All right... Nope. 

I believe that's called Inception. No, actually the first one was better. That seemed like too much like a punchline, like I'm Mr. Funnypants.

Perkins-- I can't do it without this is the funniest joke in the history of Mental Floss.

Felix the Cat became the first ever Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. Was that too much of a pause?

(Machine noises) That's a beautiful machine. Oh, Mark. You're so persnickety when it comes to noise.

And Felix the Cat was the first ever Macy's Thanksgiving Day... Thanksgiving Day... I can't stop saying "gay".

Every week, I endeavour to answer one of your mind-blowing question... Questions? Why don't I-- why can't I speak in the plural? Okay.