-- Intro Cut Scene --

Dr. Lindsey Doe: If I use my hand to demonstrate the butthole, this is the actual hole. Then, around it, under the butt skin, are two rings of muscles that tighten and loosen. The one on the inside, with the purple, is called the "internal sphincter." The one on the outside, blue, is the "external sphincter." The sphincter plays a huge part in what goes in and what comes out the butt hole, including: feces, diarrhea, anal toys like beads and plugs, penises, dildos, fingers, hands, and enema nozzles.

The internal sphincter is automatic, like your heart pumping. It just does the job of regulating the passageway regardless of whether or not you want it to. The external sphincter, on the other hand, can be controlled, because it's connected to a different part of your nervous system. Right now, for example, my brain is telling my external sphincter to tighten and now I'm voluntarily relaxing it. Neat, right?

So how do we take care of this little rosebud?


Step One: Eat Well!

The digestive system starts at the mouth, then the esophagus, down to your stomach, intestines, rectum and out the anus. So the healthier the things are that you put in your mouth, the healthier and less stinky their exit will be out the anus.

Here's a list of foods for your mouth that are great for most anuses: wheat bran, oat bran, brown rice, oatmeal, popcorn, whole-grain pasta, cereal, and bread. Peas, bean, seeds and nuts, citrus fruit, and prune everything. 

Ass-unfriendly foods include: dairy, bananas, frozen dinners, chocolate, cookies, red meat, fried foods, and chips.


Step Two: Clean It!

You can buy bidet attachments for your toilet that will give your butthole a post-poop rinse. Or in the shower, simply wash with mild soap and water. You definitely want to remove the clumps of poo and toilet paper that stick to hair around your arse called "dingle-berries." Those are not hygienic.

Baby wipes are another way to freshen up and, for a deep clean, there's douching. The rectum, like the vagina, has positive bacteria in it to keep it healthy, so flushing out your guts takes the good with the bad, but some people find that squeezing a stream of water into their rectum with a bulb-topped bottle or bag just before sexual activity is a complete clean. DaveyWavey has my favorite anal douching instructions here.


Step Three: Kegels

If you're planning on putting things up your butt, it's quite possible that your sphincters and the muscles around them will loosen. This will make it more difficult to hold onto stool, meaning you may fart and poop when you're not wanting to. To prevent this, there's an exercise method called Kegels that strengthen the pubococcygeus muscles, the muscles in your crotch. I made my own video on how to do them here.


Step Four: Drink Lots of Water

Or water-based beverages. Like the food you put in your body, this should help keep your poop solid but smooth. Having really wet bowel movements, or really big ones, or really hard ones, is challenging for your ass. You could get cuts or tearing on or in the anus, called "fissures." Bleeding, pain, anal spasms, itchiness, inflammation, and/or infections. If you do, call a medical provider. They'll talk you through what's going on and recommend, if necessary that you


Step Five: Schedule an Appointment.

You're going to have to let someone look into your brown eye, now or later. This is not embarrassing for them, and it doesn't have to be for you. They may even put a gloved finger inside for a feel around to determine the severity of your problem and this isn't a big deal either.

Think of it like you're going to the dentist. They're just looking at the other end of your mouth.


Step Six: Lube Your Butthole

A thin layer of coconut oil on the butthole has anti-fungal properties and moisturizes the anus so it doesn't chap as easily. If you're lubing up for sexy times though, a high quality water-based or silicone-based lube is necessary to keep latex condoms intact.

Non-latex materials like polyurethane and polyisoprene can be used with all the lubes.

Good Clean Love is condom-friendly, all natural, and has the healing power of aloe in it.


Step Seven: Wear Condoms

Best practices for butthole maintenance include using condoms, gloves, and dams for anal play. The separation reduces risk of: herpes, HPV, HIV, etc. which is 30% more likely to happen from anal sex than vaginal because the anus is: 
1. way more absorbent, and 
2. much more susceptible to microscopic tearing. 

Lastly, 

Step Eight: Take Baths

Baths are a great way to soothe your butthole and increase blood flow to your groin. I'd recommend 10-20 minutes every day if you can, but even once a month is more than people usually give themselves. It doesn't have to be a full tub, just a sitz bath works. S-I-T-Z, SITZ. Those are where the water covers the hips so you're soaking the anus specifically. You can put a little baking soda and salt in with the warm water to provide relief from the irritations and lie there thinking about your next anal adventure.

Baths are great for hemorrhoids; constipation; diarrhea; vaginal infections, including yeast and an overgrowth of Lactobacillus; childbirth; incontinence; uterine cramps and any generalized crotch pain.

I'm not saying baths cure your anal ails, but they can ease them while you seek professional care. 

Anuses are amazing, but they're also really fragile. It's important to care for your butthole, even if you aren't regularly playing with it. It's located really close to the genitals, and I want that whole region to be a feel-good zone. Feel great if possible. 

For advanced ass care, check out Joseph Kramer's how-to videos on anal massage and Sexplanations' 2-part series: Anal Prep and Anal Sex.

Stay Curious!

Many thanks to Patreon Sexplanauts who made this episode possible. It's nice to know so many of you want happy, healthy holes.


-- Outtakes --

*singing* Dildooooes

and chips.

Wash your butt!

*Vocalizations*

*laughing*