Good morning Hank; it's Monday!

Goedemorgen Hank; het is Maandag!

Hank, that amazing historic building behind those Nerdfighters... is a post office.

Hank, today's video comes to you in five parts. By the way, I had to put the puff on vacation because I'm getting ready for the very fancy Venice Biennale. I also had to buy a couple suits. Nerdfighters, do you like this shirt/jacket combo? Because if you do, I will wear it at a party, but if you don't, I won't.

Right, that wasn't part one, that was just a preface. Part one: the unicorn.

So over the last month of living in Amsterdam I have repeatedly had to use Google Translate to translate documents from Dutch into English, and even though it's not a perfect tool, obviously, you usually get a sense of what people mean and so you're able to be at the right places at the right time or whatever.

So two nights ago I had dinner with my Dutch translator Eli and some publishing people, and in the document describing that dinner it was just, you know, a list of who was going to be there, and then the last sentence of the paragraph was this, which Google translated: "We do not know which of them will eat the Unicorn." And I was like "This is going to be some dinner," because basically Hank, there are only three categories of dinners. There are dinners where there will be no unicorns served, dinners where you know who will eat the unicorn, and then there are the dinners where you don't find out who is eating the unicorn until you get there.

Anyway, Hank, when we got to the dinner I immediately volunteered to eat the unicorn. I mean, first off I know that unicorn blood is restorative, and secondly I hate unicorns because the fact that their blood is restorative is the reason that Voldemort was able to, you know, kill so many nice wizards. But it turns out it wasn't on the menu; I ended up having the sea bass, which was also very good.

Part two: Gus, illustrated by Suzanne Van Leir. Hank, as I'm sure you recall, when the Yeti was pregnant with Henry, Nerdfighteria made me illustrations of my favorite out-of-print picture book so that I could read "Gus is a Bug" to Henry. But Suzanne went the extra mile, turning her illustrations for "Gus is a Bug" into an actual book that Henry loves! And by loves, I mean chews on. I just thought that was amazing, Hank.

Part three: spoilers. So you will notice that when I was talking about the unicorn blood I did not say which wizards Voldemort kills. Hank, I've often said over the years that I don't believe in spoilers, but, to borrow a phrase from President Obama, my position on spoilers is evolving. Specifically it has evolved from not believing in them... to believing in them.

This positional evolution has happened because my new book is quite spoilable, and I realized that I don't want it spoiled for readers, so like nine months in advance, I am going to begin asking you and Nerdfighteria: please don't spoil the book. We will work hard to create safe spoilery places, and then there will be the big, unblemished, unspoiled world outside, yeah?

By the way, Hank, I've started saying that because people say that here, yeah?

Part four: punishments. Hank, we still haven't decided on punishments; we need to do that this week... yeah?

Part five: Tumblr. Hank, you and I have both been fans of the Tumblr "Eff Yeah Nerdfighters" -- link in the dooblydoo -- for many years, but it wasn't until earlier this month that we both got Tumblrs. We got them on the same day. It's very cute how we do things on the same day. It's almost as if we're brothers, you know, who really l-lo-li-like each other.

Hank, Tumblr seems to be the number one destination to find Nerdfighter jokes and Looking for Alaska quotations and DFTBA tattoos and Nerdfightastic Google investigations and Pizza John/Looking for Alaska jokes and entire websites devoted to Humpy Hank. Hank, the Yeti is very amused by Humpy Hanks, but when she saw the one where you hump me, she said "It's gone too far".

Anyway Nerdfighters, if you're on Tumblr you should definitely follow Eff Yeah Nerdfighters. You can also follow Hank; he's at edwardspoonhands, which in my opinion is the most under appreciated Hank song.

And in my continuing attempts to profit from the bounty of the ocean, you can find me at fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com.

Hank, don't forget to be awesome; you'll see more from Bruges on Friday, but first, I'll see you on Wednesday.