Good morning, John. Sometimes I forget that not everyone in America is like me, and in fact, most people do not live their lives on the internet. There are lots of people in America who still have dial-up internet, who have never streamed a video, who think that LOL stands for 'Lots Of Love.'

Which, tangentially, is a very dangerous mistake to make. It can lead to emails like:

"Dear Lyn,

I was so sorry to hear of the passing of your wonderful golden retriever and it's times like these that we must take comfort in God's love.

LOL,
Margaret"

So yeah, Katherine's parents are here visiting and they have never had a high-speed internet, in their lives. They seemed very interested and supportive when I tried to explain to them what it is that I do but it's obvious that, more or less, we're talking different languages.

Honestly, I can't figure out why they're so nice about it. I mean, if my daughter married a dude who was like 'Sorry, I can't go out to lunch, I have to go talk into a camera and flail my arms around,' I don't think I would be very friendly to that guy and I have a 10 megabit per second download.

So they don't get it. But I guess they don't have to, because they're really nice about it anyways, so thanks to them for that. Also, Katherine's brother and her sister-in-law and their son, our nephew, who's four years old are also in town, which makes for a big group of people.

And John, I have to tell you, four year olds…In whatever amount of time between now and when Henry is four, you've got some preparations to do. Because Bill Cosby was right, they have 'BRAIN DAMAGE.'

One second he's like 'Uncle Hank, I love you, let's play Go Fish!' And I'm like, 'That sounds like a wonderful idea, let's play Go Fish,' and then five minutes later, I'm like 'Do you haaaave any jacks?' And then he's all 'I WILL TORTURE YOUR SOUL FOR AN ETERNITY IN HELLFIRE. NOW SIT IN AWE AS I MAKE A NOISE THAT WILL KILL ALL THE DOLPHINS.' [dolphins die]

But mostly, you know, aside from the dolphin killing, he's very fun.

Seriously though, we hang out and we eat and he's funny and he's cute and I've been going to sleep way earlier than is natural for my body. He wakes up at six in the morning, every morning, what kind of demon does that?

Sleep friend, sleep!

Also, I'm trying to teach him the meaning of words like 'perseverance' and 'relaxation' but ooh, he does not get either of those ideas at all. Trying to get the idea of relaxation across to him is very confusing, I think. It's this thing that you can do that's actually not doing anything. You just don't do stuff, you just chill. Which does not compute, 'cause of the brain damage.

And with perseverance, he'd pretty much rather not be doing whatever it is he's doing and he would like to be doing whatever it is he cannot do. NOT ALLOWED.

Why did this video turn into a video about a four year old?

But I do have to tell you one last thing. He is obsessed…with his poops, particularly with the SIZE of his poops. And he also assumes that, likewise, YOU will be very interested in the size of his poops.

Anyway, The slow pace of development of human children is a side effect of our reliance upon cultural and non-genetic evolution. And that is the very thing that makes people so amazing and so awesome and so unique, so I guess, it would be foolish of me to complain about it.

So everybody, I think my nephew is curious…How has your poop been lately?

John, I will see you on Monday.