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In this episode, Chelsea talks to YouTuber and wedding planner Jamie Wolfer to clear the air over Jamie's recent reaction video to TFD.

TFD's original video:

Jamie's response video:

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Hey, guys.

It's Chelsea from The Financial Diet, coming to you on a special day, Monday-- don't usually do solo videos on this day. Also in a special location-- I am in sunny Los Angeles drinking my Philz Coffee, for those who know-- West Coast, best coast.

Am I right? [LAUGHTER] I'm sorry. Anyway, today is a very special day that I've been very excited about. It's one of the reasons we are most excited to come out here to Los Angeles, and it is to make a video with another female YouTuber who I have only recently discovered through maybe not the best circumstances, but whose content I really have grown to admire and enjoy, even as someone who is no longer the target audience for it.

Basically for context for today's video, a couple of months ago I made a video on this channel about the finances of the wedding industry. It was, to put it nicely, a bit critical. It had that usual Chelsea Fagan trademark hyperbolic and acerbic humor that doesn't always go over super well.

And I basically took some issue with some of the elements of the wedding industry, both from a more macro financial perspective and a more individual one. Now, I should say for context, and you can check out the video here-- getting all salty. At least I look cute in this video I think.

But anyway, you can check out the video. But in general, it's a video that I think in many ways isn't exactly the tone looking back that I would have wanted it to be, mostly because while I do have a lot of criticisms about the wedding industry, both in terms of how it markets to women and sometimes can lead them to spend more than they otherwise would organically want to, but also how it often can push costs onto other people in the name of the couple having the day that they want. I don't want my criticisms of those phenomena to be about the individuals and the choices they're making, especially women, who frankly, we already have enough to deal with when it comes to judgment of our choices.

Now, I found shortly thereafter completely by chance a reaction video. It was the first reaction video to a TFD video that I'd ever seen on my guest channel-- here, you can check it out here-- lipstick looking amazing. Love that on this video.

And I watched it, and it was critical of my criticalness. So it was a bit of a strange experience to watch to be honest. And I did at first blush, feel pretty defensive because obviously reaction videos, as anyone who's been on YouTube knows, are kind of designed to be not very nice and take a bit of a hammer to the content that they're reacting to.

My initial response, especially after seeing that a lot of her commenters from her channel had come over to TFD and started taking issue with me down in the comments section of my original video, was to make a response defending myself-- a reaction video to the reaction video. Then I remembered that I am 32 years old, that I have a whole ass company to represent, that I really need to have higher standards for myself. So I took a moment to actually email Jamie herself, especially because, in addition to being another female entrepreneur, YouTube creator, and someone who's generally making really good and thoughtful content, she's also someone who seemed like a reasonable person.

She's a mom. She loves weddings. She wears a bold red lip.

I was like, we could relate. She will definitely be more receptive to talking this way than a reaction to the reaction video. So I emailed her asking if she'd be willing to talk about the issue in a more productive way, perhaps make some content for both of our channels, discuss these issues thoughtfully.

And she was gracious enough to accept. So we brought her out here from Texas to Los Angeles, and the result is the video you're about to watch. So please enjoy. [VIDEO PLAYBACK] - But without further ado, I would love to introduce you to my guest.

She is wedding industry professional, planner, YouTuber extraordinaire, Jamie Wolfer. - Hi. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Oh my gosh-- very surreal. - I know, it's crazy.

When I emailed you I was like-- I sent it out into the ether, and I was like-- I had told a couple of friends about it. I think I told Holly about it who's here. And I was like, I don't think she's going to respond.

They're like, she's probably not going to respond. And you did. - And I did. Well, I was just so humbled that you sent out the email.

Because honestly, afterwards-- and like I said to you, in our email exchange, that was unexpected, the response for me. So I was really excited to have the opportunity to have the conversation. - Totally. - What I didn't anticipate was this happening, us sitting down together, which just gets me so excited. - I know. Me too.

So I want to start-- before we get into the wedding stuff, which I think is kind of fruitful territory, I want to talk about the actual videos themselves. So as I mentioned, I made a video that was critical, I think is the fair word, toward the wedding industry and some of its financial excesses. And I made it in a way that I often make videos.

That is probably something that I want to kind of change the process on a little bit. Because it sort of mixes serious analysis or serious criticism with, quite frankly, hyperbole and humor. And I have an extremely dark sense of humor.

So one of the comments I made in the video was that I was at a wedding of my friends where they had a cash bar, which basically means you have to pay for your own drinks at the wedding. And I was like, I'm not saying that's why they're divorced, but they're divorced. Now, let me be clear.

My friend knows that joke. Like, he laughs about it himself. He thinks it's hilarious.

But my sense of humor in that regard, obviously I don't think that's why they're divorced. And again, they both-- they're like friends. They're like-- they know they should have gotten divorced.

But I can't expect that that kind of humor necessarily translates, especially in the context of where I'm trying to make some real thoughtful commentary. So that was kind of the tone of the video, and then you made a reaction. - Yeah, and I honestly hadn't seen any of your other videos. So there was a part-- I know.

I'm so sorry. Probably shouldn't admit that on your channel, but I hadn't. And so after I reacted, I was-- I had this moment of, perhaps should have investigated her character a little bit more. - Yeah. - Yeah.

And it definitely was not my intent to attack, but I'm very strong about how I feel about my industry, and I think we are misperceived in so many ways. So to hear some of those pain points in such a public manner, I was like, wow, that's what we're trying to fight against. So I wish I had known you more. - Yeah.

I think the genre of reaction videos in general is something that I have always had a real issue with, as someone who's been on the platform for 10 years. And there are-- so you probably wouldn't be aware of this because you're not really in our space. But like in the finance YouTube community, there's a huge subgenre of very popular videos that are like, financial guru or planner reacts to a woman's shopping video or beauty routine or spending habits or vacation budget, whatever.

And those are really popular, and they get a ton of engagement. And it's something that we've always-- like, I would never do them for people's financial choices. It's a little different to do it to a commentary video, but especially for people's financial choices.

Because I feel like the medium to me always has this energy of like, by nature of the type of video that it is, you're almost required to have the least charitable view possible of the person's commentary or choices. - Yeah, because then it's not spicy enough to be seen. - Exactly. - Because-- and so I would say, there is definitely that feeling of like, make it as intense as possible, which I will admit, it definitely wasn't my intent, but I think that's how it was perceived. And just-- there's something about it that-- obviously, we wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't make that video. But how do we improve that culture, the responses?

How do we make sure that things are handled-- I don't even have a response to that. I don't have an answer. But I do know that I didn't enjoy the results. - Right.

And I didn't enjoy seeing the way people felt about some of my commentary. Because I do have a lot of financial privilege. Like, that's accurate.

And I exist in a context-- even the people around me getting married are making choices that not everyone might be able to make. And I don't want people to feel like they should be ashamed of not being able to make the same choices I do, or that everyone has to have my taste. And I do think from my perspective, because I think when it comes to commentary about social issues, it's so important to separate the social problem or the marketing problem from the individual, and not make it about shaming individuals' choices.

So I do think that's something that-- when I saw people who felt hurt, called out, shamed in their choices that they might have made or not been able to make, like, I'm like, oh, God. I got to watch my tone on those things. - Yeah. And weddings are so, so personal.

I mean, my entire channel is dedicated to helping people who can't afford a planner. And what I've learned throughout the years that I've been doing it is that one misstep could really hurt someone's feelings. Because a wedding is in so many people's eyes, the culmination of their love story.

Like, here it is. They're coming to this big day, celebrating with so many people. And I've learned that I have to be careful because I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

Because it is such a personal event. So I understand. Yeah, it's how can we guide and help out in a budget way, in a wedding planning way, in a financial way without hurting the individual? - Right.

I totally agree. And on that note, so I have a few questions that I prepared here for the two of us to kind of talk about, because I wanted our conversation to be a place to kind of meet on where we agree and disagree. But primarily, to think more critically because-- about how we come to these decisions, how we come to these financial choices, and how we even come to "what we want," quote unquote.

Because I do think a lot of times we have a tendency to frame our desires almost in a vacuum. But especially for things that are as socially constructed and pressured as weddings, a lot of times our desires, they do come from somewhere, and they may not be entirely our own. So I made these questions.

And we're just going to each kind of share our thoughts. So first question is, when it comes to the wedding industry as a whole, what do we think is good about the current environment, and what do we want to see change? - Hmm. I think we're starting to see a scrappy side of the wedding industry.

I think we're starting to see a lot more budget content come out, a lot more creators coming up with free information, with free advice to help people plan their weddings. Because so often it's been such a guarded industry. The only way you know how to plan a wedding is to hire a planner, or is to work behind the scenes and then get a crash course in it.

But other than that, the wedding industry has just been this complete, weird situation where so many people don't know how to plan a wedding, or they don't know what it looks like, or what a normal budget looks like. I should say-- use air quotes when I say normal. So we're starting to see a lot of creators, a lot of different vendors, if you will, in the industry giving away free information to help equip people.

And I think that's really, really cool. I love that we're seeing that on TikTok. We're seeing that on Instagram.

We're starting to see more people do it on YouTube, which is really helpful. So I think creating free content in a relatable way is something that the industry is really starting to do. - Yeah, I totally agree. And actually I want to take this moment to formally apologize to everyone.

I regret saying that you should not tell your vendors that you're having a wedding versus another event. [LAUGHTER] Now, here's where I will make a caveat. So context-- in my video, I suggested not telling your vendors it's a wedding. And I will be totally honest that on certain things for my 30-person wedding, I didn't explicitly tell-- like when we got our menus printed, I didn't tell them it was a wedding.

Like, it just had like a dinner menu-- like things like that. And I do want to be clear that you should not shortchange a small business-owning vendor. You know, I'm a small business owner.

I don't want to be shortchanged. Your photographer shouldn't be shortchanged. So period.

End of story. That being said, where I do think-- and that's where I do think obviously the wedding industry offers an opportunity for small female-owned businesses at a scale that we barely see in most other industries. So that I think is great.

However-- and we are very critical on TFD overall of things like the pink tax. And I do think there are a lot of large corporations, in many cases, that do sometimes bear down on, exploit the tendency, I think, towards spending that we can experience when we're having these events. Because even me with a tiny wedding, like, once I started spending, like, I was buying a lot of things that I didn't think I would have bought, to encourage us, to market to us things that we may not need or things that might be more expensive than if we either made them ourselves or did them in a less expensive way.

So I do think we can be critical about not opting into so many of the sort of, quote unquote, "wedding things," or feeling that we need to have-- like one of the points I mentioned was like you used to just ask your girlfriend over dinner. And now it's become very common to send a box that's like, you're a bridesmaid with all this stuff in it. And so I do think we can be a lot more conscientious about not opting into all of the wedding branded things, especially that are being offered to us by these large corporations that are just out to make money for us without shortchanging vendors.

Because I do think one of the great things about the wedding industry is the opportunity it provides for small female business owners. - Yeah, absolutely. And that's who we work with the most. And I think that's probably why that one particular comment which, as a member of the wedding industry, we graciously receive your apology.

But that's-- most people don't see that it is small business owners. It's a single mom trying to feed her twins. It's a young kid just out of college trying to pay off his student loans.

That is a huge bulk of the vendors that I work with, because we intentionally choose to not work in the upper echelons of weddings. Because if someone came to me with a large budget, I'd be like, I don't even know what to do with this money. Like, you could do something else.

Like, I you want to do like a third of that or-- so I do think that it creates so many wonderful opportunities for small business owners for sure. - I totally agree. And I do think, as I was mentioning, like it does also create a lot of opportunities for big businesses to extract money out of people. Like, even as an example, like, if you're buying, like, let's say a lingerie set.

Like, a lot of these lingerie retailers for their bridal lingerie sets they will be a lot more expensive. Like, there are a lot of ways in which the marketing around this specific event I think represents an opportunity to sort of put a higher-- like a more intense version of the pink tax, which women pay on so many things. - Oh, my gosh. Absolutely.

If it has the word "bride" on it, all of a sudden sometimes it feels like they could just slap an additional 10% on because it has the word "bride." So that's something we really strongly focus on, at least on my channel. Because I'm like, let's not buy into this really hyperbranded stuff unless that's your jam. If you really feel like-- I mean, it's your discretionary spending.

You can do that if you want to, but please don't feel pressured. As a wedding industry professional, I'm going to release you. I'm going to let you off the hook.

You don't have to buy anything that says the word "bride or "bridesmaid." Not to mention, it's not super sustainable, because you're not going to keep that for a really long time. Like, three years from now, you're not going to wear the bride robe. - Right? Like, imagine you're like-- you've been married to your spouse for 35 years, and you're like wearing your little bride terrycloth robe coming down the stairs. - Like, you're just-- it's not going to happen.

Your bridesmaid's probably not going to keep the wine glass that says "bridesmaid." - And can I-- can we have a small pivot here? Because I feel strongly that on 90% of bachelorette trips-- and we, I think, all in the room have probably been to many in our-- even our recent life. It is almost never the bride who wants all that crap, like the penis stuff-- - Oh, my gosh. - The boas, the matching t-shirts, the sashes. - We do so many Q&As-- something I like to do on our Instagram or whatnot.

And I get so many questions of, how do I have a chill bachelorette weekend? How do I talk to my bridal party or my wedding party and say, I don't want that. That is not my speed.

That's not what I want to do. What's a good alternative? So there's a large group of women out there that are like, no.

I don't want the streamers. I don't want the decor. Let's go to the spa instead.

Let's spend the day by the pool. So I do-- I hear a lot of that, like, how do we avoid that, because I don't want it? - OK. So when it comes to decisions that we make financially, especially as women, where do we find the line between what we want and what the culture, marketing, family, et cetera around us want? - Oh, I think-- well, one, it depends on your personality.

Because some people just don't care. They're like, I'm just going to make this decision. I'm just going to get it done, even if it's emotional, even if it's extra stressful, even if I'm spending new money I've never spent before, I'm just going to do it.

But for those who are really strongly swayed by exterior personalities, I think it comes down to the question of, what's more important? Is getting that color for your wedding dress more important than your mother-in-law's opinion? And I think that's something internally that you have to decide for yourself.

And also to remind yourself-- and, of course, I'm speaking specifically about the wedding, about your wedding day-- what will you remember? What will last longer, the color of your dress or the relationship with your mother-in-law? So I think it comes down to priorities, and that's something I really strongly emphasize over my channel.

It's like you have to figure out what priorities work best for you. I can't tell you that you should get really mad at your mother-in-law and wear the black dress anyways, because you just have to work through what is going to be more stressful, more difficult, have long-lasting results, and what's more important to you. - And so I do think that when it comes to what you want, I think that is part one of the question, is really sitting down-- and even if it doesn't happen this way, I think it's very important to draft up in total isolation with you and your spouse, if we could do it exactly the way we wanted, what would it look like? Really write that down.

But then also I think being pragmatic about the fact-- this is why I think more people need to have the conversations with themselves as to whether or not they're paying for the majority of their wedding. Because I do think realistically when other people are financing that wedding in a large part, it's going to be very difficult to resist their influence. And maybe they shouldn't.

So I do think it's important to have that sense of what I want, and then having some level of acceptance that you may not get exactly what you want. - Yes. And what's more worth it? Is taking $5,000 from an in-law, who will then have an immense amount of sway in the type of food you pick or the photographer you hire-- is it worth it?

Or would you rather cut back on what you're spending, and hire a photographer that you can communicate with that, you can have control over, so to speak? So that needs to be a choice that each person makes, because every relationship is going to be different. Every budget's going to be different.

So again, yeah, I agree. I think prioritizing and figuring out what's best for you. In fact, I have this online course to help people plan their weddings.

And one whole module is dedicated to priorities. You got to sit down-- you have to sit down with your fiance and write down what's important to you and what matters. And whenever things get stressful, you have to come back to that list.

Whenever you start to sway, you start to question things, you have to come back to that list. - That's a really great tip. And I also think it's important to remember that-- so you just cited the fact is $5,000 from a family member worth the influence that they're going to have on the event? And I think that is a very, very good question.

You should really weigh out in your mind the amount of money you're getting versus what it's going to result in in terms of obligation. But I think the other thing that often happens-- like, I'm a very decisive person, and I'm very outspoken, so it's not difficult for me to have those conversations. But I think a lot of people are naturally more passive.

And I know a lot of people who've had weddings where their opinion on a lot of things has generally been like, I don't really care. It doesn't really matter to me. And my thought-- and you might disagree here-- is that if you don't really care, you shouldn't do that thing. - Oh, no.

We completely agree. Oh, absolutely. Because then it's just a waste of money and a waste of someone's time if you're not going to value that. - It should only be like an enthusiastic yes. - Absolutely.

If you're not excited about some of the choices you're making for your wedding-- and some of them I get. You're like, well, I don't really care about a DJ, but I know we need to have music. So maybe we'll settle for a budget DJ instead of spending thousands of dollars on somebody.

I get that some elements of a wedding feel necessary, like food, like a chair to sit on. But if you're not super excited about photography, which is one of the biggest things in the wedding industry for someone's wedding is to get amazing photos or get a good photographer. If that's not a big thing to you, don't throw thousands of dollars at it.

And I think even seasoned photographers would say the same thing. Like, if I'm not important, if my work is not important, that's OK. Don't hire me. - Right.

Yeah, like, you shouldn't be like, I don't really care about the mac and cheese bar, and then you have a seven-area mac and cheese bar. Like, don't spend the money. OK.

How do we empower ourselves, not just as brides or hosts of a wedding, but as people who are involved in or attending weddings to set firmer boundaries? Further clarification for this question, while making things affordable for guests and party members is great, often people can feel pressured to assume costs for other people's weddings which they cannot afford. - OK. I saw this TikTok recently-- which all good stories start with, I saw this TikTok recently-- where this gal sent out a letter to her wedding party of the expectations, of what she expected from them.

If you live over an hour away, you are not expected to come to any dress fitting. You are expected to pay for your dress. I will pick the color, you will pick the style, and I will pay for hair and makeup-- just lined it out, their timeline commitments, their monetary commitments.

And I was like, why are more people not doing this? And complete blessing-- if none of this works for you or some of this doesn't work for you, feel free to opt out. And I think she even shared that someone did-- someone did opt out and said, I can't handle that time commitment and those money commitments.

So I think just being open and being gracious. Honesty is the best way to handle these conversations. And I think sometimes people might feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Money's not an easy thing to discuss for a lot of people. But I think you will find if you at least open up the conversation of, hey, all I can do is come to your wedding-- not on their wedding day, like, do this at a different time. But if you can't afford a gift, maybe write a nice note-- really heartfelt.

It doesn't have to be big, but you need to take the decision that you need to decide for yourself what works best for you. Because that overspending-- I mean, you're right. We do have a culture of, you better bring a gift to a wedding, and if you don't someone is going to be ticked. - Yeah, and I think this is not a call-out to your call-out video.

But the one thing that I felt like when I was watching it I not took issue with, but I felt like we maybe disagree here, is like-- so I used an example. I have a friend who I'm a bridesmaid for early next year, who we don't have any specific dress. She's giving us a color, but we pick whatever we want.

And if we need it-- like, not everyone's going to take it. I won't take it, but she's offered a stipend. And you said in the video, that's awesome your friend can afford to do that.

And I think that's true. And don't get me wrong. I recognize that that is a privilege for her.

But I think what's often unspoken on the other side, and I think it's very, very common for this to be the case, is that a lot of bridesmaids still have that very traditional thing, where there is a dress. You're expected to get it. And if they could not afford to help people buy it, the unspoken insinuation there is that everyone else is expected to buy it.

And I do think that even if you can't necessarily pay those things for people, it is so much more incumbent on brides and hosts of a wedding I think than we acknowledge to be very explicit in saying there are alternatives, or making it accessible to people so that they can wear a dress that they already have or things like that. Because unfortunately, without the steps that, for example, my friend took or some of those alternative steps, the unspoken thing there is if you don't do this, you're not my bridesmaid, which is very difficult, especially it's like, it's a family member, it's a friend. So I do think that pressure is very real.

And also, yes, the bride or groom may not be able to afford this, but I don't think it's fair to push that cost onto other people. - Absolutely. And this may surprise you, but I completely agree. Yeah.

No, I totally agree with that. And that's why I brought up that one gal sending out that letter is because you need to set the tone for what you expect. And whether that's-- and you need to set the tone for what you expect, and give them the freedom to jump off that hook.

Because we do have this traditional idea we're so entrenched in of what the bridal party does and what they don't do-- although I will say what I've learned in doing specifically wedding-focused stuff is that's very US-focused. - That's true. - There are multiple cultures where the couple will pay for the attire of the entire wedding party. So yeah, I did-- I learned that the hard way by some comments, of course. We all learn from comments.

So I do agree. I think there needs to be a conversation of, here's the expectation, and here's my blessing, should you choose to walk away from it. My brother has been a groomsman more times than I can count on my fingers and possibly my toes.

So I've seen him get suit after suit after suit after suit, whether it's a rental, whether it's a purchase. And he's like, I already have a navy suit. Can I just use that?

And that's something that we chose to do for our wedding, is we just said, here's a color for all of the gals, and here's a color for all the guys. So our guys were actually wearing mismatched suits. So one guy found his suit at a thrift store.

Like, I'm all for that, but you have to give them the permission to either figure out something that works for them, or say no. And this all comes down to one conversation-- one conversation. I love you.

I adore you. You have held a very important space in my life. You have positively benefited this relationship, and I would be honored to have you stand beside me.

This comes with massive financial commitments. Because $200 can be massive to somebody. $100 can be massive to somebody. So I just want you to know that I would love to have you stand with me.

If that is something you cannot do, I-- I know plenty of couples who have tried to help support in ways that they can because there is that one wedding party member that needs an extra $50 to make this happen. That happens a lot, but you have to have the conversation first. I think it's the assuming that really gets us. - I think it's the assuming, and I think it's also I think because often couples in the moment of planning their wedding are spending so much money can forget, like you said, $100, $200 to someone can be a ton.

And this is 2021. Everyone has like 75 weddings because no one had weddings last year. Like, this is so expensive.

And on that note, actually, I did want to address the cash bar thing. So I think, in general, the focus for me is like to what extent are we putting costs onto the guests? Because it's not a zero sum game.

But often, in the case of whether it's transport, lodging, clothing for your party, food and beverage at the event itself, a lot of times the choice is between we assume the cost or the invited guests assume the cost. And I do think that that's where we often run into a lot of trouble. Because people don't feel that they can say no. - Yes.

Yes, and I think that's really hard. That's like my heart in this moment. It's so hard because people feel like they can't say no.

The wedding industry feels like you have to say yes to this step, this step, this step, this step. And so it feels as though personal choice and personal accountability are just done because it's traditionally how weddings have always been done, which I am working very hard to actively break through that barrier and be like, no, absolutely not. You don't have to do those things.

So I get it. Someone's got to pay for it. At the end of day, someone's going have to pay for it.

So if you are comfortable passing that cost off onto your guests and recognizing that they may not like that, that's something that you need to accept. If you are comfortable absorbing that cost and recognizing that means a little bit less is going to be in your savings, that's something that you need to accept. But you need to be cognizant about where the money is going and be accepting of that.

You can't just pretend like it's not going to happen or it doesn't exist. - And last note on that is that I feel that we need to be more proactive as hosts and brides and grooms about telling people you don't have to do this actively and explicitly. I'll use the example of gifts. So I regret saying in the video that we said no gifts at our wedding because we have taste.

We have tastes for plenty of reasons baby, but that's not what-- no. But we said no gifts explicitly. We forbid people from giving us gifts because they were all spending a lot of money on travel.

We covered lodging, but they had to fly their asses-- for half the people, they had to fly their asses across the Atlantic. That's expensive as hell. And we knew that if we did not proactively say no gifts, most people would feel uncomfortable and feel that they still have to give a gift.

So I do think that if you're in a situation-- like, I am truly of the opinion that if someone's paying to travel to your wedding, that their presence is the gift. I really do feel that. But if you're in a situation where you know a substantial portion of your attendees are spending a lot of money to be a part of this day, I think it's the better thing to do to be proactive about you please don't give us gifts. - And that's another question we get frequently is we've already been living together for x amount of years.

We already-- each of us live on our own. We have all of our stuff. What do we do for a registry?

What do we do? How do we tell guests no gifts? And so we become strategic about telling people make sure it's on your website.

Make sure you denote that on your invitation somewhere, no registry, something along those lines-- of course, still following those etiquette procedures, but making sure it's well-known. We also really like Honeyfund. Honeyfund is an excellent option, because why not make memories and travel, and then people can donate what they want or how they want.

And so it takes the pressure off of building up the gift table at a wedding, which by the way, we don't really even see anymore. There's usually like three gifts at the gift table, because they all send them because of Amazon, it's already all shipped. But how do you relieve that pressure off of your guests?

If you are comfortable enough, and if you are in a position that you can afford to do these things, you need to overly communicate and/or send them to a cash option like Honeyfund. - I love that. - Maybe I should watch a few of your videos first. - Oh, stop. - Oh, stop. - No, I'm glad you made your video. Look at what it sparked. - I know. Look at us now.

So I think-- I'm a huge fan of just giving grace in situations, to not be so critical and not be so quick to make assumptions. And I think that's the best way we can build each other up, is sometimes occasionally pausing before we react, before we speak, and really getting to know that person's character. I think that would be a great way of supporting someone. - Totally.

And for me, I think-- looking back I think, especially in such personal choices as weddings, and especially for ones which are so highly feminized, which can often be denigrated in our society, I think I need to be more conscientious about separating the phenomenon from the individual, and remembering that even though I might personally take issue with a lot of the financial dynamics in an industry, it doesn't mean that participating in that industry is inherently a bad thing. I had a wedding, so I'm part of the problem, which is not a problem. But so definitely, making content that doesn't alienate women I think is really important to me.

But ultimately, you know, look where it got us? Maybe I'll make more scorched-earth videos, where I say that my friend deserved to get a divorce because he made me pay for my own freaking vodka soda at a wedding. I going to kill you.

Anyway. But thank you so much for joining. And so for our audience, where can they go to watch your videos, maybe get a wedding planed by you, all that stuff? - I mean-- so my channel's under my name, Jamie Wolfer.

We also operate under the name JW Coordination for wedding planning and in-person stuff. We have an online course because I-- if you go watch my videos, you know I have a bone to pick with the wedding industry on a couple of different things. And so I created a course, an online education program, to help people plan their own weddings.

So you can find that at It's $29 a month, so it's subscription-based. And that's a way for couples who can't afford a planner to get the advice and help of a planner for what they can afford. - That's awesome.

I love that. Well, thank you so much for tuning in guys. Go check out her channel.

As always, guys, thank you for watching. And don't forget to hit the Subscribe button, and to come back every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday for new and awesome videos. Goodbye. [END PLAYBACK]