Good morning, John. Please take a moment to listen to my new favorite vocal stem.

(Caleb Hearon speaking): "Why don't you have a podcast, by the way?"
(Chris Fleming speaking): "Um, because I think that something awaits for me in the divine for resisting."

I think something awaits for me in the divine for resisting. Something awaits for me in the divine for resisting!

Everyone who has spent a little bit of time with me in the last few years has noticed something, which is that when I'm looking at something that's closer than like an arm’s distance away, I'm doing this—you know, I’m like scrolling my phone, I’m like-

I’ve been roundly mocked for this, and people have said to me repeatedly, “Hank, you know you can get progressive lenses? Like, part of the lens is designed so that you can see far and part so that you can see close up, and there’s a gradient between those two areas of the lens, and that allows you to see basically anything at any distance. It takes a little while to get used to, but it’s a very cool technology and it would make your life better."

Similarly, sometimes I will have a headache and I know that I will feel better if I take some Advil, but I don’t take some Advil.

Why am I doing this? When I look deep into myself, I’m pretty sure that it’s just because I think something awaits for me in the divine for resisting.

Real quick parenthetical, I want to be clear, I do not think that Chris Fleming should have a podcast. I think that he should remain and will always remain mysterious. I think there is a correct amount of Chris Fleming, and it is the amount where I always desperately want more, and I would not want to live in a world where there’s more Chris Fleming than I could consume. I think he’s making the right call for himself.

But I think that “something awaits for me in the divine for resisting” is actually a fantastic description of a behavior that I see in myself and in others.

The basic situation being: "There is a way for me to make my life better, but I’m choosing not to do that. And deep down the reason why is not rational. It is that the world wants me to, and I want to make my own decisions and live my own life in the ways that I’m comfortable with and I’ve gotten used to. And even if it would be better, I’ve gotten used to it the way that it is. Doing it this way, even if it’s worse, is, goddamn it, my choice!"

The airline wants me to download their app. No, I’ve got enough apps. Oh, it would make my life way easier and make it impossible for me to have that moment of panic at the gate when I realize I’ve lost my boarding pass? Too bad! Something awaits for me in the divine for resisting!

Oh, everybody says you should have a password manager, but I have a system! It’s in my head! And sometimes the system fails, and I have to click “forgot password” four different times, and also I’m more likely to be hacked! But that’s a journey that I’m on, and it’s my journey. Something awaits for me in the divine for resisting!

But, John, nothing awaits for me in the divine for resisting. There is no reward. I don’t get it, like, I have this feeling in me that almost like denying myself something is inherently good, and that’s just so wrong! It’s so wrong!

The airline app is better. The progressive lenses are better. The Advil works. I’m not building character. I’m not on a hero’s journey. I’m just sittin' there with a headache, squintin' at my phone!

I have been repeating this phrase in my head at various moments for, like, months now, and there’s a reason for that. It’s just because it, like, makes this thing visible. It’s like a real thing that happens all the time, and once you name it, you can hear the sentence in your head and you can hear how ridiculous it sounds.

And then you can take the Advil and you can download the app, not because the world won, but because there was never actually a fight. It was just you standing in your own way, waiting for a prize that will never come.

So if you are resisting something right now, like I am, that you know would make your life better, and you know what it is, like you just thought of it just now, as I've been talking about this—maybe go do that thing.

Anyway, I’m going to go get progressives. John, I’ll see you on Tuesday.

Hello, also, a reminder: there is a window during which you can order a Mother’s Day present online, and that window is getting quite short now. There’s lots of good deals and lots of stuff that moms might like, whether that mom is your mom or another mom. Check it out. Good.Store.