Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank! My name is John Green; I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys, today taking on the mighty Rotherham United. 
(0:06)
Rotherham: both a place, and a delicious part of a pig – the Rother-ham, sort of the nether-ham.
(0:14)
Anyway, Ya Bamba is starting out on the left wing today. (Sings) Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba had a vital own goal against Roma and it was really tragic.
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We also got John Green and John Green, teammates in life and in love, our strikers, our talismans, our icons, our friends, and, occasionally, our crushes.
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Um, speaking of crushes, Callum Kennedy starting out on, in left back. Meredith kind of likes him, not as much as she likes her boyfriend, she'd like me to clarify. 
(0:40)
And um, yeah and then center of the midfield we've got, I believe the Gaulden Child.
(0:45)
Oh, look at that, we're in second. Meredith, we're in second! It's worrisome, we're only two points out of, we're only, we're barely in the automatic, the automatic promotion spots are one and two, so if we finish in one or two, we get promoted [to the Championship].
(0:56)
But yeah, as you can see, there we've got Francombstein out on the right, um, he's a MONSTER. He's actually, he created a monster, it's a little more complicated than that.
(1:04)
We've got Kaz and the Gaulden Child. Meredith, do we have any Kaz songs yet? Kaz songs?
(1:10)
(Sings) Rock the Kazviropoulos Bop, Rock the Kaz-Bop. Our opponents don't like it! Rock the Kaz... 
(1:21)
I don't know. I'm getting there. We gotta keep working on that. If I could get some lyrics, that would be helpful, like (sings) They don't like it...
(1:29)
What's today's video about, Meredith? Oh, it's questions! Ask me some questions. We're doing questions – real AFC Wimbledon fans ask me some real questions and now we're going to answer them.
(1:39)
Do I Google often when I'm writing? Like, what do you mean, Google? Like, do I Google stuff I'm writing about?
(1:47)
Sometimes, like I use Google Maps or whatever when I'm like "I can't remember if that's north or south." Um, I use Google Maps and then sometimes like, I couldn't, the other day I was writing something, not a novel, and I was like, "I can't remember the name of that guy, who" – OHHHH!
(1:58)
AHHH! John Green, you're better than that, as a finisher! That was a beautiful ball, beautiful ball in from Francombstein, and then John Green, on his preferred right foot, can't finish. Can't finish. Brought to much power to it. He's got a big, strong leg, sometimes that happens. 
(2:12)
Like, I was trying to think of the guy who spent nine years staring at a wall and his legs atrophied, in Buddhist, um, in Buddhism. And his name is, his name is Bodhidharma, it turns out. But I used Google to figure that out. 
(2:25)
But no, I mean, usually, kind of, for me, writing is the opposite of the  internet. It's very, it requires a lot of focus and attention and kind of sustained concentration. So, no, not usually. I don't know what I'd be Googling anyway, you know? Like, "hip teen slang"? (Laughs)
(2:50)
Ahh, beautiful save! I don't know if that's Seb Brown or Glédson, but it was a beauty, it was a beauty! We've got two great keepers. What's my next ... does Glédson have a nickname yet? What's my next question?
(3:02)
The best and worst Vlogbrothers punishments. That's interesting.  
Oh! There's no one there! There was no one in the box! The Gaulden Child with a great pass!
(3:11)
Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba? OH! YA YA YA YA YA BAMBA! He makes up for his hideous, hideous, horrible, horrible own goal against Roma with a beautiful goal, and, oh, oh, he's playing the violin, because he wants me to sing! 
(3:26)
(Sings) Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba, Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba just scored a goal, just scored a goal, just scored a goal! It went in off the post, it went in off the post! Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba!
(3:48)
How was that, Meredith? Was that good? Was that a good version? God, I love it when he scores! It brings me so much joy. I have to tell you something - this is a dark secret - but even when he scored that own goal, I was a little happy. I was a little happy.
(4:00)
Oh God! He was off-sides. Did I answer the question? What was the question? Best and worst Vlogbrothers punishments? 
(4:08)
I mean, the worst from a pain point-of-view was waxing my chin, because I thought - this was back in 2007 - I thought I was going to be able to wax my chin. And, uh, it turns out that I couldn't, and it was just unfathomably hurtful!
(4:22)
My favorite one, maybe the recent one, where I ate slobber carrots, Spam, and some other things. I just found that to be a very fun punishment, because my son was with me, and he was laughing the whole time. And then he was very sweet when I threw up, because, you know, I did throw up, so it wasn't that great, but he was very sweet about it.
(4:45)
Actually, the best punishments are all of Hank's, because I find them very enjoyable, because of schadenfreude [mispronounced], which is my favorite kind of Freud. 
(4:54)
So, what's my next question, Meredith? OH! Ya Bamba almost scored! YA BAMBA YA BAMBA YA BAMBA YA BAMBA YAAAAAAAAA BAMBA! Are you, is it my birthday?!?
(5:07)
(Sings) Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba, Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya, he can't hear me! 
(5:11)
(Sings) Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba just scored a goal, just scored a goal, just scored a goal! Ya Ya Bamba! Ya Ya Bamba! Ya Ya Ya Ya Ya Bamba!
(5:28)
Ah, that was beautiful, Meredith. I mean, this is maybe the best day in all of Wimbly Wombly history. Rotherham United, it's World Class skill level, we're up two-nil after suffering a miserable defeat, a miserable, miserable defeat, to AS Roma, five-nil, and we're just... It's Ya Bamba's day, Ya Bamba's special day.
(5:48)
What's, what's my next question? Least favorite Disney princess? Umm, Cinderella. I think that's a weird story. I think, the more you think about that story, the weirder it gets, for me. You know, some weird gender dynamics in it, but also a bunch of other things.
(6:06) 
What's your least favorite Disney princess? Snow White? Yeah, that one's super weird, actually. Snow White might be even worse. Um, "who is the fairest princess of them all?" yeah, that's the point of being alive.
(6:18)
What's next? If I was a unicorn, what color horn would I have? That's, that's a very personal question. I mean that's, borderline, a little too close to home. Umm, I don't know, sort of flesh-colored? You know, not real tan or anything, just pale, somewhat translucent, flesh-colored horn, on top of my head.
(6:45)
This has been a fun, this was a fun episode until we got to the what-color-unicorn... If I were a unicorn, I would immediately remove myself, I would immediately shave off my horn, so that I could just become a horse. Um, because you know how I feel about unicorns! I have a longstanding opposition to them. 
(7:03)
I don't think they should be a thing! I think we should remove them from our mythology. I'm a pro-zombie person. Not because I like zombies so much, but because I dislike unicorns so much for killing Tonks in the Harry Potter movies. And books. Um, because if there would have been no Voldemort, if he hadn't drank unicorn blood, and that's why Tonks died, and it was very sad. I blame the unicorns.
(7:22)
Some people say it's Voldemort's fault, I say, you can't stop evil from being evil, but you can stop evil from drinking unicorn blood. What's next? F. Scott Fitzgerald or Charles Dickens? Well I'm glad that I don't have to choose. I mean, Dickens has the far better body of work overall, I mean, he wrote many more good novels than, uh, than Fitzgerald did. I really think Fitzgerald's only major, you know, major novel, his best novel by far is Gatsby, I mean The Last Tycoon is unfinished. It's not Fitzgerald's fault that he died young, but it's unfinished, and then, you know, This Side of Paradise is a good novel. It's not, you know, it's no Gatsby.
(8:02)
Whereas, with Dickens, you have lots and lots and lots of good work. Um, so, on the whole I'm going to say Dickens. In terms of my personal, like, who wrote the book I personally prefer, I personally prefer Gatsby to any of Dickens' books. But I recognize that that's, like, partly kind of a moral weakness on my part.
(8:20)
Um, oh, god, that's a terrible pass, Other John Green. Have you and your husband not been- are you guys disagreeing about- Oh! Oh! Oh, off the post! Get in there Bald John Green! What are you doing?! Why are you ball-watching?!
(8:31)
I feel like they've been having some disagreements on the family, on the family side of things, like, their marriage is strong but I don't know that they both have the exact same wants right now, vis-à-vis family structure, if you catch my drift. And maybe that's been a bit of a problem, but that was just not good. That should have been a goal.
(8:48)
What's my next question? Anyway, I like Gatsby better. But, but that might be because of personal bias, I'm American, that kind of stuff. 
(8:56)
What do I put on my burritos? What don't I put on my burritos, more like it! Um, I like, uh, I like, I don't like sour cream. I think sour cream is a really weird idea. First off, it has a disgusting name. I don't particularly like cream, and I certainly don't want it soured. You know, that's a disgusting thought, like, 'oh, what should we put on this food?' 'well, we have some cream, but it went sour.' That! Perfect!'
(9:19)
So, I'm not a sour cream person. And I find it to be very rich. Um, I find that it kind of ruins the burrito experience for me, because I want to be tasting meat and cheese and salsa and guacamole and lettuce – I don't want, I don't want to be tasting sour cream. Just personal preference. So, everything but sour cream is great. I like, um, I like everything else, I think.
(9:41)
Oh, oh, ah! John Green and John Green! If it weren't for Ya Bamba, we might not be winning this game! Ya Bamba, by the way, had a terrific hit, and it was blocked, and then John Green, in a brilliant position, but he just hurried too much. 
(9:53)
Oh, god, that guy's hair cut is hideous. What's next? ... Would you rather have hiccups forever, or feel like you have to sneeze forever?
(10:04)
Well, I mean, that's an ina-, that's an inadequately, um, I know that it was, this was probably asked on twitter, but, like, I just don't have enough information to answer that question. 'Cause the big, the big issue with that question is how often would I have the hiccups? Like, I'd rather have hiccups once an hour for the rest of my life – like one hiccup per hour for the rest of my life rather than constantly having to sneeze.
(10:27)
But even probably if it's only one hiccup per five minutes, I'd rather have, have the hiccups because if you wanna, if you constantly want to sneeze, if you're constantly on that (makes sneezing noise) you know, that, that, like (sniffs) where you think you're going to sneeze any second – I don't think that I've done a good job of representing the sound of that, but I bet it will be great on the outtakes videos, I don't think I did a nice job, but you know the sound – I'm not a good actor! That's why I was cut out of my own movie.
(10:53)
Anyway, um, that, that, no, no, that – you can't even work with that feeling, like you can hardly keep your – this is bad! Oh, saved off the line! And who would it be except tiny five-foot-one-inch, seventeen-year-old Kazviropoulos! Oh, we call him Kaz sometimes. He's got to learn how to rock the Kaz-Bop.
(11:15)
Oh, John Green! No. So much, so much effort in this world comes to nothing. Saved off the line beautifully, by, by Kazviropoulos. That's a – I got taken down, ref! Come on! Umm, yeah, I think I'd rather have hiccups, but that's a difficult question, because it depends on the nature of the hiccups, and what kind of – are we talking about hard-core having to sneeze or like feeling a little tickle in the throat? I don't know.
(11:36)
What, uh, what's my next question?
Books I hated as a teenager but like now? Well, let's start with Gatsby, which I wrote a paper about once, and I was like 'these are just a bunch of Yankees with Yankee problems' - um, 'cause I grew up, I was, I was was living in Alabama at the time and I was like 'I don't understand, why don't they all just, like, get out of, get out of Yankee-town and stop having their crazy Yankee problems?'
(11:57)
Umm, and like, I also, like, I was like, 'I don't understand why I'm supposed to feel bad for all these rich people.' Which, you know, on some level, fair enough – on another level, it turns out that people's problems are real, regardless of circumstance. Umm, but, uh, yeah, I don't know! Other ones? I didn't like Faul- I mean, I didn't like anything enough in high school! I didn't like Eudora Welty enough; I didn't like Faulkner enough; I didn't like - there was a lot of things, a lot of books I didn't like! It's embarrassing to think back to my high school self and the books that he didn't like!
(12:32)
Sorry, I had to get Ya Bamba into a better position, because him getting a hat trick is kind of the center of my life right now! Like, when I'm thinking about what I want to do with my life, like, you know, I'd like to have a really successful Project 4 Awesome this year, but the main thing is that I'd really like Ya Bamba to get a hat trick.
(12:45)
Ahh, god, we're over-passing! Try to get Ya Bamba the ball! He has it, he has it! He's way outside - he's gonna take a shot! Ahh, he had the idea... Ya Bamba cannot resist the thought of a hat trick.
(12:56)
Meredith, I'm sorry I didn't get to more questions, I was just, a very intense game trying to get Ya Bamba three goals. That's a great tackle. That's a great tackle, and then, you've gotta say, Callum Kennedy could have done better, and if he had, Ya Bamba might have gotten his third goal. But instead, it's a two-nil victory for the Wimbly-Womblies, on the back of two brilliant goals from Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya Bamba.
(13:20)
Seb Brown with a performance, another clean sheet, and with his beautiful, uhh, his beautiful jersey sticking in the rain to his beautiful, beautiful, chest. That guy is nicely built, nicely put together.
Feel sorry Rotherham United, but you've still got your Rotherhams!
And, thanks for watching. Best wishes!