John Green: Oh, good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday. As you might notice, I'm here in my new office, and I'm walking on my treadmill desk. Why did I get a treadmill desk? Well, two reasons, Hank. First, I am a nerd, and I heard that you could level up in your nerdiness by getting a treadmill desk, so I was like, alright.

To talk about the second reason, we need to go back in time to Memorial Day weekend, when you and I went to the beach together. Now, Hank, you may remember that we ran into the ocean, both wearing our shirts to protect the public, and then we had an old fashioned noodle war, you know, like people in their 30s do, and in that noodle war, it was widely reported that you won. But, in fact, you did not win, because as you can see right here, you abandoned your noodle, which is losing. Anybody who abandons their noodle has lost the noodle war, that's the rules!

So just to be perfectly clear, I won the noodle war. However, after I won the noodle war, you picked me up and slammed me into the water. And at some point when you were lifting this nearly 200 pound mass and slamming it into the water, I thought to myself, Hank has gotten kind of fit lately. And, Hank, it turns out that over the last several months, you've quietly been doing this exercise regimen that has resulted in you becoming kind of buff. In fact, several people commented about it on your last video.

Now, I didn't get this treadmill desk just because you got fit and I'm jealous, but I'm not going to deny it, Hank, I was partly inspired by my Memorial Day dunking. Also, third reason, Hank, as you know, I'm obsessed with all the ways that in trying to save ourselves, we kill ourselves, like, all the ways we act irrationally about health. For instance, Hank, I'm a big fan of hand sanitizer, but sometimes I use hand sanitizer while I'm driving, and that's not rational, because I'm creating more risk for myself by using the hand sanitizer than I would if I just drove.

Anyway, Hank, it turns out that people who sit more than 11 hours a day are twice as likely to die from all causes over the next 15 years than people who sit for less than four hours a day. Well, Hank, I don't need to tell you why this is a concern to me, I live on the internet, the world capital of sitting. Initially, I thought this might not be a problem, because I usually don't sit, I recline. But it turns out reclining counts as sitting. Sitting too much increases your risk of like, heart attack, diabetes, certain kinds of cancer, so I was like, I'm not going to do it anymore, Hank, I'm going to be a stander, I'm going to be a stander and a walker! My entire new novel is going to be written while walking. Or this will just end up like all the other fitness crap in my basement.

Hank, DFTBA, congratulations on your new-found, you know. I'll see you on Friday.

Alright, Hank, I'm happy, so I'm going to try this, don't try this at home, (happy-dances on treadmill desk), YES! Whoo.