(Coughs) Fail. Hsss, sorry. Are you the type of person that would actually consider burning their face? Thought I was the only one. Even in ancient times, no-one hated their beards enough to risk burning their face off. Some did remove their facial hair using sea shells as tweezers though.

Left: Round five

Right: Oh, you got salsa on my hands.

Hmm, round five got darker. Maybe it's because the facts are darker.

Fact one: After death a man's beard can continue to grow for up to three months.

OR

Fact two: For more than a millennium, kings and even queens of ancient Egypt wore false beards made of precious metals tied to their heads to show their godliness.

OK, the second fact isn't dark at all. Which one's it gonna be? Is it gonna be the death fact or is it gonna be the Egypt fact. You know what? I'll give you a lifeline. If you click on my beard, you can ask it advice. I'll just play dead, here. I'm a trained actor. Am I breathing too much? I don't think so. I think I'm doing OK. You decide yet or are you going to ask my beard? You can ask my beard.