Hank: And welcome to Dear Hank and John.

John: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank.

Hank: It's a comedy podcast in which two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, how are you feeling?

John: I mean, I'm very sad, but I'm also extremely put off by your way of talking right now. It should be noted that this is our third attempt to record the intro and we keep having to abandon it because Hank is using his spooky voice and then it would not say spooky voice.

Hank: I changed it from spooky to more like to more like announcer of Of like a children 1990s children television show Mmm, it wasn't a just came across as spooky again.

John: Just a different kind of spooky. Definitely may be creepy Yeah, but I'm sad because my dog has died and it's very sad.

Hank: I'm glad I went so hard in the beginning, John, so it would take you so long to get to where we're at now. I'm very sad about Willie.

John: Well, thank you. I am I am very sad. Sarah and. I are really sad.

The kids are sad and we miss Willie. And he was a very good dog. And and it's tough.

I mean, we only had him for 10 years. He didn't have as long a life as we would have liked, but hopefully he had a good dog life. It was just a very hard day saying goodbye to him.

One of the hardest. so much harder than I thought it was going to be. to be honest with you and I have to say that I'm very grateful. a number of people have made donations to the Indianapolis Humane Society in his memory which is so kind and thoughtful of them and not even something that Even crossed our mind that might happen and so I want to say thank you to those people. and one of those people Charlotte from England sent in an Ogden Nash poem along with her donation And so I thought I might read to you that short poem by Ogden Nash about dogs. There's a lot of great poems about dogs, but this one is short and sweet. It goes like this The truth I do not stretch or shove. when I state that the dog is full of love I've also found by actual test a wet dog is the lovingest. 

Hank: It's very true. We have had cameo for so so long and she has always been such a healthy healthy animal that I am terrified of her ever getting sick and Need her in my life.

John: Yeah. No, I mean it's pets become part of the family and And it's very hard to imagine the world without them. I mean, the house feels so quiet and empty now. It really is, uh, it really is something.

But let's move on, Hank. We have a very important question that we have to answer before all the other questions. It's the last question in the roundup that Rosianna sent you, but by far the most important.

So if you could just scroll down, Hank, it's question number 27. Do you see it? Oh, yes.

Hank: It's from Rosa. Rosa asks, Dear Hank and John, what our Pop-Tarts think? It's just all caps. There's one piece of punctuation, a period at the end.

John: We got several versions of this question, but this was by far my favorite version. What are Pop-Tarts think? A lot of people out there don't know what Pop-Tarts are. It turns out Hank and I of course thought that Pop-Tarts were like death and taxes, you know? 

Hank: The third unavoidable institution of humanity. They were invented along with fire.

John: Death, taxes, Pop-Tarts and fire.

Hank: Yeah, first they made the Pop-Tart and then they were like, we need to toast this shiz.

John: The thing I loved most about this question is that immediately upon being asked it, I realized that I have no real answer. Like I cannot I cannot describe for you what a Pop-Tart is exactly.

Hank: Well, I mean, okay. So, Rosa, imagine, if you will, a ravioli that's made of bread, but very thin and very, like, oily bread? And instead of cheese, it's strawberry jam.

John: Right. That's one way of approaching it. I was also thinking it's kind of like a cream filled donut only extremely flattened and whereas donuts are sort of like soft dough. This is a very hard dough and instead of cream, there's fake strawberries inside.

Hank: Well, to be clear, there are jelly filled donuts as well.

John: Oh, great point, Hank. I just hate them. So that's probably why they didn't. cross my mind.

Hank: And the and the the jam is very dry. It's a very dry paste of strawberry or and they also have other things. And oftentimes they're drizzled with like like an icing a hard like a hardened icing. And then there's like the apple cinnamon kind that's.

I don't know if there's actually any apple in it But it's definitely sugar or cinnamon. and then on the top there's a further sugary cinnamon drizzle on top and they are. they are mass produced pastries that are meant to be put into a bread toaster if you have one. if you have those I don't know if that's sort of a uniquely American thing. I don't know that. I've seen a lot of bread toasters in other parts of the world. or you stick them in and you push the little button and they pop up and I guess that's why they're called pop tarts because they're tarts that pop.

I never put that together until just now.

John: Um, you know what they were originally called?

Hank: No.

John: Country Squares.

Hank: Country Squares!

John: Yep.

Hank: Can I, oh, they'll, hmm. Country Squares. Oh yes. Quite, quite, oh and maybe, were Country.

Squares a thing before they were, before the, like something that people made?

John: Uh no.

Hank: Okay. The short answer is that That was the brand that Kellogg's created was Country Squares and they were like no no no no no no no Pop-Tarts. And I guess the idea is just like a pastry that you can fit in a toaster. It's kind of the whole purpose.

John: Right. That's exactly right. As of 2014, sales of Pop-Tarts have increased for 32 consecutive years. Hank, the economy gets bigger, the economy gets smaller, we go through the greatest recession since the Great Depression, and the one thing that doesn't stop growing is the overall market for Pop-Tarts.

Hank: Is there a cryptocurrency based on Pop-Tarts?

John: Yes, starting today. Yes. Popcorn. Yes.

Hank, that is a great idea. Poptart coin. Popcoin or poptart coin?

I think popcoin. I like tart coins better. Tart coin.

Hank: Country square coin.

John: That's a good one too. Because it sounds reliable because it's got the word country in it and square. And I feel like square is a shape that you can count on. 

Hank: It's not one of the stronger shapes actually. you build things out of squares you. find pretty quick that you prefer you might prefer an arch.

John: Well, Hank, I mean, we're talking about cryptocurrencies. So I think it's country square coin is a fantastic cryptocurrency name. And we've just copyrighted it and trademarked it. And I've got country square coin dot com taken plus country square coin dot biz.

That's the one we're going to actually use to run the cryptocurrency. Got to use a dot biz for your seventh rate cryptocurrency. So excited.

And basically, the only thing you can purchase with our cryptocurrency is pop tarts. But the good news is that pop tarts only increase in value.

Hank: Right, they are tied to the value of a pop-tart. That's right. So, like, yeah, the idea is whether the pop-tart value goes up or down, the coin is tied directly to that, which removes the volatility of cryptocurrency. we've revolutionized the whole world.

John: Yes. Yes. Hank, you've done it.

Hank: I've done it.

John: Finally, a proper million dollar idea.

Hank: A million? Ha! I settle for not mo- not less than trillion dollar ideas.

John: Speaking of trillion dollar ideas, right before we started this podcast, Hank told me the best idea he's ever had and I. really want to pitch it to you guys. So dumb. It's not dumb. It's really good, Hank.

And as you know, I think a lot of your ideas are dumb. Are you gonna spoil my surprise?

Hank: Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna tell people about it?

John: Do you mind? Because it's such a good idea and I know that a lot of your ideas are dumb and you pitch them to me and you think they're such good ideas and I'm like that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. This is a properly great million dollar idea.

Hank: It's funny because I came at it from the perspective of it being a dumb idea that I loved anyway. It's brilliant.

John: I love everything about this idea. Here's the idea. Hank and I do a 260 video series in which each video is Devoted entirely to one second of the music video for the song Despacito. So every episode we look at one second of Despacito's video and we analyze it in excruciating detail.

And that's the video. 

Hank: I got pretty into it. I went pretty deep into my curiosity about the craft of this really, now that I've spent. some time with it, amazing music like creation. Like both in terms of the song but in terms of the video as well. I found a number of surprising things. that I wanted to share with the world.

John has modified my idea slightly. I wanted to just do it in a sort of marathon live stream where I went, but then John was like, there are 364,000 frames. So that might take more time than you expect.

John: Yeah, Hank wanted to go frame by frame. I just think that's too extreme. I think the right amount of critical attention to pay to the Despacito music video is 260 videos. 

Hank: Yeah, I think that you could say a lot about, I think you could say a lot about society through this project, John.

John: Of course you could. Anything that's as close to the center of pop culture as this music video is, if you pay the proper amount of attention to it, which is way too much, it gets really interesting. So I love this idea. I think it's the best idea you've ever had.

Let's move on to another question from our listeners.

Hank: All right. Well, if anybody has any thoughts on this idea, let me know. And I'm looking forward to that. This question comes from anonymous.

Dear Hank and John, I was raised in a religious family where we prayed before every meal. I am no longer religious, but it feels weird to not do something to signify the beginning of a meal, especially when there are other people over. Could you please help me come up with a non-religious beginning of the meal tradition?

Thank you, anonymous.

John: We have something like this in our family.

Hank: Yeah, well, I mean, in our extended family, like, Dad still does the grace.

John: Like he yeah, I still I actually still say the grace. the dad says yeah because whatever if it ain't broke What's the dad grace? Bless us the Lord in these that gifts true about to receive from the bounty through Christ our Lord. Yeah.

Hank: Yeah.

John: Yep Yep, that's the one but the the thing that we do in our family in addition to Running through that sentence as quickly as is humanly possible The other thing that we do is we have a tradition where we say what we're grateful for. We just go around the. table and say what we're grateful for that day and nobody is allowed to copy anybody else and only Alice is allowed to say the same thing over and over again.

Hank: And eventually that tradition I assume will be broken?

John: We tried hard to make it so that everybody has to say something different every day, but Alice is only grateful for one thing, which is mommy. 

Hank: Well, it's hard to take that away. If Oren would ever, ever say that, like the moment when Oren says like, I love you or thank you or just any kind of recognition beyond, you know, sort of like physical cues that he likes us, I have a really hard time imagining that I will ever ask anything of him ever again.

John: Well, let me tell you, you will. 

Hank: Yeah, that's really good. There was a Fun time when our two families were hanging out and Katherine and I do a sort of, like not all the time, but often do a similar thing where we sort of like take a moment to recognize the people and animals that were involved in the creation of our food to at least sort of

John: recognize.

Hank: like thanks to the people who created this and the animals who died for it. And we did that once when we were with your family and Sarah Green kind of cheekily said, I see you fish, which is what the avatar. people say after they kill people and kill animals and eat them in the movie Avatar.

John: Yeah, I remember.

Hank: Yeah. And we were like, hey. Yeah, but I think gratefulness is something that I I'm super in favor of. like bringing like intentionally bringing into my life more not just because like I think that it's accurate like that. there are lots of like reasons to be thankful to lots of people and things all the time but also there's been research done that people who keep gratefulness journals like who are required by researchers to like write down things that they're grateful for are happier like have have more positive emotions.

John: Yeah, well, I definitely am a big believer in intentionalizing things like gratefulness. So that is our advice. That's a little bit of proper advice in this advice podcast. This next question comes from Eleanor who writes, Dear John and Hank, On the internet, I once. came across an article that claimed that millennials can't afford housing because they spend too much on avocado toast.

My siblings and I thought this was crazy because avocados and bread just aren't that expensive. We then got to thinking, would it be more expensive to buy a house or to build a house made out of avocado toast? Sincerely, the toastest with the mostest, Eleanor. 

Hank: Commentary you can tell that avocados happened after we stopped living in the same house because we say that word differently.

John: Yeah, actually even as I was saying it I kept thinking I'm saying this word weird. So it's possible that I just say it weird

Hank: or that this was just the one time and you usually say avocado but in any case it's fine to say avocado or avocado or however you want to say it because it's We understand you

John: And it's a wonderful delicious food. my first comment on this article is that there are so many articles on the internet right now that are designed to make people angry and make people click on them because they are angry and then in exchange for turning your non-mood into a mood. of anger, you have given the writer of that article money.

Hank: Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, basically. Though to be clear, the writer of the article most likely isn't receiving the money. Though he's receiving a piece of it and is being thanked by...

John: Their labor is also being exploited. 

Hank: And are avocados inexpensive, John? Because I feel like they're not. I feel like they are a expensive food.

John: You know that moment in 30 Rock where Jack Donaghy is trying to negotiate the price of something and he says, say you're buying a gallon of milk, which costs $12? I think if you and I get into the business of trying to debate whether avocados are expensive, we're going to be in a Jack Donaghy milk cost $12 situation. Fortunately for you, I've already calculated about how much money one slice of avocado toast costs. It's around $1.65.

Hank: That seems cheap to me.

John: Well, remember, you don't use a whole avocado to make avocado toast.

Hank: Oh, at the place where I go, they do. They give you two pieces of bread and I'm pretty sure I'm eating a whole avocado when I get avocado toast. And it's real good. They put, like, cracked pepper and salt and they butter the bread before they put the avocado on and I'm living for it.

John: Oh my god, that seems unnecessary.

Hank: I'm so into it. And then I feed a little bit to Oren and then I feel like I didn't eat the whole thing.

John: So the answer to your question is that it would cost around $6 per square foot to cover your house in avocado toast. But that's just the flooring. Yeah. That's not tremendously expensive flooring.

You could find cheaper flooring.

Hank: I think it's going to be way more than that.

John: I also think to.

Hank: well, I have a couple of problems and a couple of ideas here. First, avocado is one of the fastest Grossifying vegetables that exists.

John: You mean it gets big fast?

Hank: No. Nope. I mean it gets gross fast.

John: Oh, you just mean it gets gross fast. You mean it because it goes from green to that like brownish black.

Hank: Yeah, and then I assume after the brownish black stage, which I don't tend to experience, it gets worse than that. Slimy and covered in things that are eating it that are... Single cellular. I would like. to propose that on the inside of an avocado, there's the pit.

And if you could maybe take an avocado, grow it really big, and then sort of like mine your way inside, remove the pit, you could just live inside of an avocado.

John: Oh, that's a great idea, Hank. What a solution.

Hank: And then if you're hungry, you just get a little salt out.

John: You eat your home.

Hank: Yeah, and then it gets bigger as you eat.

John: That's a great idea. And then you can just bring your bread and your toaster into the inside of the avocado and just kind of, yeah, just make your home bigger as you consume your avocado toast.

Hank: And when you have friends over, you can say, hello, welcome to the Avocadome.

John: Oh, God. I mean, it was good till then. It was good till then. And then you had to go and ruin it like you always do.

Hank: Because it's a dome.

John: We get it, Hank, we get it.

Hank: It's also a home?

John: Okay, we've got it. I think we've got the full breadth of the pun. I'm sleepy.

Hank: I got home from Amsterdam two days ago, and this is usually the worst day of my jet lag. And right before starting the podcast, Katherine was like, how you doing? And I was like, I feel real bad. I don't know what's going on.

And she's like, you have like tremendous jet lag. You are eight hours off from where you were two days ago. And I was like, Right, yeah, that makes a huge amount of sense.

Thank you for making me feel better about how dysfunctional I feel.

John: Yeah, yeah, jet lag is such a new human concept, you know?

Hank: Right, yeah, jets are a fairly new human concept.

John: Yeah, human bodies definitely were not made to transition time zones. I'm not convinced that human bodies were made for time zones, but the part where I yell at the people who were defending Daylight Savings Time is later in the podcast, so let's move on to another question from our listeners.

Hank: This question comes from Max who asks, Dear Green Brothers, My seven-year-old daughter and I really enjoy the podcast. We listen on the ride home from school when I pick her up. Here is her question. 7 year old daughter question, is there any spice that is smaller than? a grain of salt? No D, a B, Aubrey.

Thanks again, Max. Well Aubrey and also Max. Yeah, definitely, right?

John: I don't know, is there?

Hank: Like black peppercorn is bigger. But I'm thinking like cinnamon. Cinnamon's just like dust.

John: No, cinnamon is a big stick.

Hank: Well no, now it is. Like at the beginning but like salt is also not grains when you mine it or or evaporate it out of the water. It's big hunks.

John: Isn't it grains when you evaporate it out of the water?

Hank: I don't know. Don't not like that. It's like hunks like weird. They have to grind it up.

They do post-processing of some kind Post-production.

John: I don't think salt post-production. I think Aubrey might know more about this than you do Hank.

Hank: I I think. I think that a grain of salt is a post-production of salt and I think that cinnamon is a post-production of cinnamon sticks and I think that nutmeg is a post-production of nutmeg megs. and I also feel the same way about paprika, which is also very small. I do, I would like Aubrey and Max to invest in like a cheap Amazon USB telescope by which I. mean microscope and I want you guys to measure some grains of spices for me and tell me what the smallest one you find is.

John: Ok, just for the record, salt, you know what, I'm just gonna let it slide and move on and we'll just issue a correction next episode. 

Hank: I think I'm still right.

John: Oh, you're definitely not right. This next question comes... Alright this next question comes from Kevin who writes. Dear John and Hank, The other day my boyfriend got a text from his ex-boyfriend.

It turns out that my boyfriend's ex is dating my ex. I'm not exactly sure how they found this out, but they invited us out to dinner and we accepted. 

Hank: I'm torn between...

John: I'm torn between intense curiosity and totally freaking out. What can we talk about? How can we avoid dragging out old drama? Why did they invite us out in the first place?

Kevin, why did you accept?

Hank: Well, because they asked. It's very weird to say no when someone says you want to go out to dinner. Saying no is like not the normal thing to do. The normal thing to do is to not ask.

John: I would. say that the normal thing to do is to say, oh, I'm sorry, we have plans that night. And then when they propose a different night, you say, oh, I'm sorry, we also have plans that night because we are a couple. Is this any sort of? is this is this all some sort of ploy? Do we need an escape plan if things get awkward?

Any dubious advice on how to plan for this meeting of the exes would be appreciated. Amontis Sunt Amontis, Kevin.

Hank: Yeah, definitely have an escape plan. Yeah. you know those are pretty easy to come by these days. you just pick up your phone and you say oh gosh we have to go yeah or alternately.

John: what I like to do is I like to schedule a call like I like to say to my friend like hey make sure to call me right at 815 mm-hmm. and then I can either like say like oh it's my buddy I'll talk to him later. or I can say like uh-oh when this person calls I have to go immediately Mm-hmm or I like or you could be like I have to go to the.

Hank: bathroom and then just never come back.

John: Oh, yeah, I think that might be a little transparent for the vibe you're going for but it's a strategy Yeah, you also to bring your boyfriend with you. We have to go to the bathroom and we won't be coming back just as an FYI. That's why we're taking all of our stuff. 

Hank: I, yeah, I feel like this is a weird situation to have your ex dating your current boyfriend's ex. It seems very fraught to me. It could be a kind of fun. So, like, maybe you're gonna find out that this actually was a great idea.

But you're into it now, so just prepare and have some good topics ready. Be like, um... you know go to some websites for for some good conversation topics when it gets weird and uh do your best to not be like. remember that time that we did that thing and then you're talking about your old relationship in front of your new relationship which is never all it's always. either it's a good story and people are like oh we don't have stories that good or it's a bad story and then you're talking about the badness

John: I yeah I would focus almost exclusively on the present Yep, and the future and then on like topics like How are AFC Wimbledon doing this season is probably a topic that I would bring up at such a dinner.

Hank: Right talk about.

John: actually that's actually the only thing I talk about when I'm uncomfortable And a lot of times I've got to get people up to speed. so the first 15 minutes is just me trying to explain to you why you should care about this third tier English soccer team and then I'm like and here's how it's going and that's it's great because then people just walk away.

Hank: yeah I think that is good advice John I think and I do want an update for how this went because I don't know that there are a lot of times in the history of humanity where this particular thing has happened.

John: that's a good point Hank. it's like it's more like a premise for a short story than it is a likely occurrence in real human lives. So I'm interested to know how it goes.

Hank: This next question comes from Claudette. Dear Hank and John, prom is approaching at my school. I recently had a conversation with my friend who was a boy about it, and he said that he thinks that girls can ask guys to prom. I said otherwise, but kept quiet about the fact that I really wanted to ask him to homecoming before, but literally everyone said for me not to do it.

Is there an unspoken rule that a guy has to ask a girl to prom, or is that just an old-fashioned idea? Any dubious advice? appreciated, Claudette? Spaghett.

John: Claudette I'm pretty sure that guy was trying to ask you to prom and just couldn't figure out how to do it and Handled it the whole situation really poorly by saying oh Claudette I believe that girls should ask boys to prom. pause pause pause pause. No, just ask if you want to ask. but the answer to your question is in my opinion that girls should feel free to ask boys to prom or girls to prom and that people should ask people and that we need to get rid of what you call all these old-fashioned ideas.

Hank: Yeah I mean is there something to the? division of labor in that at least people kind of know what's supposed to happen?

John: Not really though because shouldn't you just be able to try to have these conversations instead of you know creating all of this false weirdness around it? shouldn't you be able to? I mean it's a difficult thing to ask like. I remember asking. we didn't have a prom but I remember asking someone to senior banquet. I also remember getting asked to a prom that I ended up going to and I understand that it's a difficult like moment because you don't know if the person's gonna say no and you don't want to mess up a friendship. there's all kinds of reasons why it's complicated and fraught and difficult but Basing it on gender seems to me really like a really bad idea and I don't like the way that this boy handled it because I'm almost positive that he was trying to get Claudette to ask him to prom but It's I get why it's complicated, but I think I think Claudette I think you should totally feel free to ask this guy to prom because I'm 99% certain he's on board. with the idea. now if I'm wrong about that I will send you I don't know, like three bucks?

Hank: Yeah, right, yeah. John will totally send you three bucks or at least something that's worth three bucks. And just a bunch of La Croix. Just like two 12 packs of La Croix.

John: Hank, you have no idea how much consumer goods cost.

Hank: That's how much a gallon of milk is, right? A dollar? Three dollars? I don't, actually that is what a gallon of milk, anyway.

John: How do you not know what a 12-pack of La Croix costs? Like, I mean, there's a lot of things that I've lost touch with in terms of price sensitivity, for sure, but I damn well know what a gallon of La Croix costs.

Hank: Like the idea that you could get a gallon jug of La Croix?

John: I wish. Ugh, the world would be a better place and there would be less aluminum in it.

Hank: No, it'd go flat so fast. Claudette, I'm curious if you are in a, like, if you're in a, like, If you feel like you're in a place with this guy that maybe he doesn't want you, like you. feel weird about asking him, maybe ask him to ask you. Is that a thing?

John: Oh, just, just ask him. Just get, just end the misery. It's so, the tension is so overwhelming. And then when you finally do it, it's like, oh, thank God that's over.

Even if it doesn't work out, at least, at least it's over. So I don't know.

Hank: John is coming from this as a person who, and to be clear, this is an anxiety-provoking experience, but from a perspective of a person who experiences anxiety, it may be more intensely than the average person. But I think that there is a pretty close connection between anxiety and excitement and that anxiety experienced in a certain way can Not be pleasant in the moment, but can can lead to pleasant experiences can lead to a pleasant sensations. Yeah It's just we have different. we see the world in slightly different ways.

John: Yeah, I mean my official. that's my official comment on your comment. Nah No, yeah, let's move on to another question.

Hank: I am very curious about how people feel about the connection between anxiety and excitement because they seem to me to be Pretty. related emotions.

John: I mean, there's definitely a connection Yeah, but I think it's complicated. This next question comes from Gemma, Hank, who writes, Dear John and Hank, is it possible that rocks are actually soft but they just tense up when we touch them? This has been bothering me for a long time. Do these answers are needed?

Gemma.

Hank: I don't gather about this question and she almost fell over.

John: So here's my question in response to Gemma's question, Hank, and I want you to answer it seriously. Isn't it possible?

Hank: I don't know. Like it can't just be when we touch them because also rocks tense up when other things touch them. Like if you throw a rock at a rock, they both tense up.

John: That's a good point.

Hank: Or if a rock is just like in the middle of the earth and it's grinding up against other rocks, it's still hard. So the question is if a rock is being untouched and it's in the vacuum of space and it's just hanging around, it's like just a meteor or an asteroid, Is it maybe soft until something touches it? and the answer is maybe Who knows maybe it's. really cuddly and it likes to sort of like cuddle around with itself and feels all soft until something comes in as like poke poke poke, but According to our understanding of how atoms and molecules work now

John: Right, I think the underlying problem is that we know a lot about life and and matter at the molecular level. that tells us that probably things like rocks don't dramatically change how they act when they're alone versus when they're being touched, which makes them different from us.

Hank: But there is this weird thing where I'm thinking about like. I'm just thinking about a rock as being squishy and my brain accepts that. My brain is like, no, never. It's like, oh, I can see that like river stone being kind of like putty and like a little bit like squish squish.

John: Right. No, I totally agree. And this was actually a really big question in philosophy for a really long time. Does matter change because humans are observing it?

And is the world different when we are looking at it versus when we are not? And which of those realities is real? And that's a complicated question.

I think the. this particular instance of it. I think we can deal with knowing what we know about how molecules behave and how rocks behave when they're not near us and when they don't know that we're looking at them. But then again it could be that the rock is so much smarter than us that it's figured out a way to behave precisely as it would behave if it were always not squishy. but it sometimes can be squishy if it wants to.

Hank: Yeah, well it also is possible that the moment you look away from the rocket it stops existing and that everything you aren't perceiving at any given moment doesn't exist unless you are attempting to perceive it and that the entire universe is just sort of a blank blackness except for how it's being projected into your head including any Perception of the past and the perception of the future.

John: and that like right now is just a very vivid hallucination Right, and in fact the more you think about how we understand self and reality and perception The more you realize that beneath that turtle lies yet one more turtle and beneath that one is another turtle. Until it's. today's podcast is brought to you by the new book turtles all the way down. Turtles all the way down a novel about the shifting sands of self and available at bookstores now. Just got a really nice review from Bill Gates and his daughter Phoebe.

Hank: It did. It did. I had a feeling that that's where we were headed. This podcast is also brought to you by Gratitude.

The feeling of feeling like thanks for stuff, y'all.

John: And of course this podcast is brought to you by Avocadome. Avocadome. The home that gets larger as you eat it.

Hank: And finally, this podcast is brought to you by Country Squares. Country Squares, they're a pastry that fits in the toaster slot revolutionizing breakfast forever. Also making children all across America just a little bit less healthy.

John: Also, we want to thank one of our Project for Awesome donors who paid to have a message shared today. That person is John Morris, who has a message for Steve Morris. John writes, I've asked Hank and John to say a word. This word, through our seven-year relationship, has remained ours and has kept us strong.

I want you to hear. it from those you trust and admire. I hope you continue to draw courage and joy from this dumb, confusing, courageous little word, as I will for the rest of your life. Thank you, and I love you.

Gar. I think that's the word. Gar.

Hank: Gar. Gar.

John: It's a kind of fish. I don't know if that's exactly what they're referring to, but I used to catch garfish when we lived in Florida. So there you go. The word is gar, Steve, and I hope that it brings you comfort and joy to hear it.

Hank: Good tidings.

John: Really quickly, Hank, I want to note a couple other sponsors. First, my podcast, The Anthropocene Reviewed, which is available three episodes now available at iTunes or SoundCloud or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can just type in Puh because nobody can spell Anthropocene.

Hank: Ashley Ford just reviewed the Anthropocene Reviewed. She said this podcast is soothing and informative and somehow perfect to listen to while you're doing something creative or doing a task by hand.

John: Oh, that's very kind of Ashley to say. And I also want to highlight your new podcast, Hank, which is so, so good. Delete this with. your wife, Katherine.

Hank: Thank you. We just recorded last night our fourth episode and Boy, John, I had quite a week last week as I was going through my Twitter feed. Yeah I had a car accident and I went to Amsterdam and I released my governor interview video. just I had Just a lot of things happened to me and it was a good old time. So we got to go through that.

John: Do you ever think Hank that? If you didn't share all the things that happened to you on the social internet that they wouldn't be really real?

Hank: No, in fact, John, well, when I said no, I meant yes, because I wrote a keynote talk that I gave a Patreon about that phenomenon, where I feel like if I like sometimes it's not like the things that happen to me, but it's the emotions that I experience. And if I feel like I'm experiencing an emotion that I don't that I don't want to or don't feel like I can share with the social internet, that that somehow invalidates that particular emotion.

John: Oh man, that's dark. That's deep. That goes to a deep, dark, true place.

Hank: But the great news is that during the last episode of Delete This, Katherine accidentally referred to Fox and Friends as the Fox Friends, and that turned into a really sort of great experience. 

John: Oh, the Fox Friends. 

Hank: Yeah, so Delete This is very fun and it's just great to have a reason to talk to Katherine for an hour and a half every week.

John: All right, so everybody listened to Delete This in the Anthropocene Reviewed. Before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, we need to go through some corrections. First, from Molly. Molly writes, Dear John and Hank, Just a quick correction.

On the most recent episode of the pod, you read a poem from I'm gonna say his name right now, Kava Akbar. I happened to go to grad school with Kava and was in a few classes with him. His name, you have been pronouncing it wrong, John.

You have been pronouncing it wrong this whole time, even though you are a big fan of his. Best wishes, Molly. She didn't say all of that.

Some of that is from me. So anyway, Kava Akbar is a really wonderful poet and. I apologize for mispronouncing his name this whole time and I'm super embarrassed and a little bit mortified.

Then we got several thousand defenses of Daylight Savings Time, all of which were idiotic.

Hank: Every single one is wrong.

John: I'm just kidding. That's a little bit of an oversimplification, but I'm going to read one of my favorites. It's from Crystal and she writes Here's the thing, Crystal. All that you're telling me is that Japan is in the wrong time zone.

I am not at all convinced that Japan needs Daylight Savings Time. I think it's just in the wrong time zone. The sun should rise at 5 30 a.m. and the sun should set at 8 p.m I don't think there's a Daylight Savings Time problem.

I think it's a time zone problem. We have a similar time zone problem here in Indiana where we should be central time, but we're eastern time because of the stupidest possible reasons that you could ever imagine. Anyway, All of your defenses of Daylight Savings Time are wrong.

Daylight Savings Time sucks.

Hank: I mean, that's a create like the idea is that noon is the middle of the day, so the sun. should come up and go down at the same time. That is a very off time zone.

John: Yeah, it's a very off time zone.

Hank: A time zone is very off.

John: I agree.

Hank: Anyway. I have another question. This is from Miss Hyde who asks Dear Hank and John or responds on your podcast. a few weeks ago a person named Anna asked if there could be infinite sand on earth and you instantly replied no because there's a finite amount of rock on earth. my question is is there a set size for a grain of sand to be a grain of sand? because if not Couldn't the sand just keep getting smaller in which case we could have an infinite supply of grains of sand on earth, right? Dr.

Jekyll and Miss Hyde Two problems with that. One, there is a size at which sand isn't sand anymore. I don't know what it is, but geologists have a size where like between which...

John: I was so excited for a second. I thought I was gonna learn something, but no, all I learned is that sand has a size, not what that size is.

Hank: Well, I mean, you know, it's. like sand size, but yeah, there's a point at which it isn't sand anymore and I don't know what they call it after. I think it becomes clay after that, because if you saturate it with water, it just, it holds under the water in molecularly different ways.

John: What's the other problem with it?

Hank: The other problem with it is that even if it was sand all the way down, eventually, as we have learned, you can't divide a thing any further. And so if just a single molecule of silicon dioxide still counted as a grain of sand, there couldn't be infinite numbers of molecules of silicon dioxide because there are finite. There's a finite number of silicon atoms on Earth, a finite number of oxygen atoms.

John: All right, there we go. You can't quite have infinite sand. Hank, I'm going to let you get to the news from Mars in a second. But first, let me bring you up to date on the news from AFC Wimbledon.

Mm hmm. Oh, gosh, we lost to Shrewsbury one nil. it was a pretty close game all things like. I watched the whole game and I thought it looked pretty close. most of the game.

Shrewsbury definitely looked a more likely team to score but they are second in league one actually first in league one now since they won that game so it makes sense that they were probably gonna win. however we are now on 42 points after 38 games. there are eight games remaining in our league. two season and Wimbledon are in 19th place on 42 points. they are now just points, there are only two points clear of the relegation zone and only three points separate AFC Wimbledon from 22nd place Milton Keynes. So the nightmare scenario that this comes down to the final week and either the franchise currently playing its trade in Milton Keynes or AFC Wimbledon are facing the drop is looking possible and terrifying. Wimbledon probably need to win two games. and draw one or two in order to stay up I think at this point. but that means getting results some kind of results from almost half of our remaining games which is possible but challenging. so please keep Wimbledon in your thoughts.

Hank: sorry John I was just looking through the Despacito music video and I'm a little worried about the. amount of time we will spend looking at side boob.

John: I'm not as concerned about that as I am about the amount of time that we're gonna be looking at like Justin Bieber.

Hank: Justin Bieber is not in this music video, John.

John: Oh, I gotta tell you I've never seen the video. Again, I don't think that the video itself is at all important to the project. It's all about the level of attention you pay to something. What is the news from Mars?

Hank: In news from Mars, John, the Curiosity rover has spent its 2000th day on the surface of Mars. It landed in 2012, and I cannot believe that. 2000 days, man. So it turns out that time continues to pass and Curiosity continues to be able to do its job remarkably well. I feel as if it just landed yesterday.

I was over at my friend's house getting really excited about it. 2,000 Earth days on Mars to be clear. I don't think that it has hit 2,000 Mars days yet because Mars days are slightly longer than Earth days. But yeah, thanks to Curiosity for roving around Mars for a very long time.

It is an. old rover now. Showing its age in some ways, particularly on its tires, and certain instruments aren't working quite as well as they once were, but it's still powered, still moving around, still doing its job, and it is a good rover. And it looks like by the time we get another rover on the surface of Mars, we will be able to kind of have it like a continuous transition.

It seems like Curiosity's gonna make it until the 2020 rover arrives, and that's really exciting.

John: That is really cool. It's good to always have at least one functioning rover on Mars. That brings me a lot of hope and joy to think that something human-made is rolling around down there.

Hank: It's working it all.

John: That's right. That's right. All right Hank, what did we learn today?

Hank: We learned that John, for once, thinks that one of my dumb ideas is a good idea.

John: Oh god, it's such a good idea. It's incredible. I've got to watch the Despacito music video to fully understand just how good of an idea it is, but I'm sure that it's excellent. We also learned that it's not a great idea to tile. your home with avocado toast.

Hank: And we learned that John would like La Croix to come in milk jugs, and that I have no idea how much that would cost. 

John: And lastly, we learn that rocks probably aren't squishy until you touch them, but who knows. I mean literally, who knows anything really.

Hank: They might not even exist. Thank you for listening! This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosianna Halse Rojas and Sheridan Gibson.

Our head of Community and Communications is Victoria Bongiorno, who also runs our Patreon at patreon.com. slash dearhankandjohn. If you want to go give us some money there, you can get our After the Fact podcast this week in Ryans. It's a very bad podcast, but not, maybe not as bad as analyzing second by second every moment of Despacito.

So thank you to everybody who supports us there. That money goes to support Crash Course Insights. 

John: Don't forget to be awesome.