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In which John talks about the game. The Wimbly Womblys take on Marseille.

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John: Hello! Welcome to Hankgames without Hank where the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys are taking on Olympique Marseille in the Euro League. We've traveled to France, Meredith. One of my favorite countries. What do you think of France? I've always been a supporter of France. You know what I like about France? Strikes. They've got a lot of them. Man those people take a lot of days off. Between the striking and, uh, the 17 weeks of paid vacation, their 22 hour work weeks. It's amazing! Their productivity levels considering, um, in fact I'm amazed that, uh... the players even came out today. I'm just kidding, I love you France! 

Um, this is going to be a huge game for us. This is the, I think the semifinals of the Europa League. Um... this is massive, massive stuff right now. It's home and away, so if we score goals here you'll remember from the away goals rule, away goals are very important. So, we need to score some goals today if we can. We've got the best goal scoring group I've got right now Correa, McClean, Deeney, Dicko, Röcker and Demichelis could score headers, um, from corner kicks. Hopefully lots of opportunities for goals.

The away goals are going to be important. Obviously in a perfect world we'd like to just put Olympique Marseille away. Um, but there will be a home leg after this. The AFC Wimbledon annus mirabilis continues, we've lost just one game in the great year of 2017 thus far. And then we went on to avenge our loss to-- was it Wolfsburg? "Volfsburg" or possibly Sporting CP. 

Anyway, we went on to avenge that loss by winning the next leg so that we got to move on to, uh... to the semifinals of the Europa League here. This would be an amazing, amazing feat. Uh, no team, Swoodilypooper or Wimbly Wombly has ever even made it to the semifinals of the Europa League, let alone the finals. So, um... we've got a great group of guys here. Callum Kennedy, he's been... he's been a Wimbly Wombly from the very beginning and you can tell! He's just made of courage, Meredith!

One of the things that I like about my favorite players are the ones who are just all heart. Do you have any favorite players other than Callum Kennedy? No. She's a passionate Callum Kennedy fan. Um, yeah. Have you met the real Callum Kennedy? He's single. Would it be weird if you met him and he was like "Hey hey" and you were like "I have a boyfriend. This is weird. Plus do I really wanna date a 26 year old professional soccer player?" Do you really? She, she's just implied that she does. 

Um... yeah. Oh! That's a good ball! Ohh! Back across the goal and it comes to nothing, like so much effort in this world. That was a nice ball from Dicko. I mean you almost think that Dicko-- he was so-- he was in. He could've done a little bit more, but his heart said cross to Deeney, his odd coupled teammate. And Deeney just, he headed it back across the face of the goal, which is the right thing to do to try to go far post, but like so much effort in this world it proved futile. 

One of the things that I love about soccer-- I mean people always say that soccer is like life, but I like soccer because it's not like life. Because it's fair and it's played on a pitch where everybody has an equal opportunity, but one of the ways that it is frustratingly like life is that talent matters. There is some people who are just better, like, you can talk all you want about hard work and I don't doubt for a second that Lionel Messi works-- Oh god... this is great teamwork. Oh! But we've got Seb Brown and they don't. 

I don't doubt for a second that Lionel Messi works incredibly hard, but there's no way that he's the hardest working player in the world. Uh, he's good because he's good, right? I mean, he's just beautifully talented. He has an understanding of physics, and the ball and geometry and space in a way that very few other people do. And he can see like 3 or 4 moves ahead. You know, practicing at chess is not the only thing that makes you good at chess. 

You also have to have, you know, a certain facility for chess. Speaking of facilities! What a ball! No! Yes! Shoot the ball you dumb-butt! Yes! Correa! Correa! "Doo-do-do-do-do-doo-do-doo-do-doo. These hips don't lie. Correa! Correa!" Was that good? Was that close? Meredith says that it was really close. Correa with an open net-- Oh! Does just enough! He does just enough! 

And, I mean, really that goal was set up 'cause right there is when Correa should've shot, but he took an extra touch. It freaked me out, but in the end he was right. He just wanted to make sure not to hit the ball in the volley. He felt he had plenty of time and Correa's a smart man. I gotta say... Correa is turning into a Wimbly Wombly star. I mean, I don't think we've had a central midfielder this good in a long, long time. 

And that is one of the-- that is an away goal that we desperately needed. Um, so now we've got ourselves an away goal. Um, which is going to be very important in the 2nd leg. The question now is can we get ourselves like a 3 or 4 goal lead. So, um, we'll just be in a situation where it's gonna be really easy to just win. Um, you know, like, where it'll be like hard to lose in the 2nd leg. That's where you really want to be.

Um, my mouth hurts. Have I mentioned that to you guys lately? Oh, it hurts. So frustrating, so... I find physical pain so difficult to deal with effectively. Um, it's a little bit how I feel about the high press. Uh, okay, that's good, that's good now pass wide. Yes! Yes, because we're a team that likes to show our width-- John McClean, he was in Die Hard! But he got, he got Die Hard-ed right there... um, gotta think of a "Yippee ki-yay, Wimbly Womblys" is that good? Is that better than "Yippee ki-yay, mothercluckers"? 

Yippee ki-yay, Wimbly Womblys! That's what we're gonna say when he scores. Look at him-- look at him, look at him! Look at Demichelis! I mean, he's a center back way up there! He's 42 years old, he's just pure courage! I love these guys. Because it isn't, you know, like I said, it isn't fair, there's a lack of fairness, uh, to the game itself because-- aw, I was offside-- because not all players are equally talented. 

But that's also what makes the game so beautiful. Because on those rare occasions when, you know, the underdog can rise up and prove that the game is about more than mere talent. That the game is also about-- What? Who gets a yellow card? You were naughty, Ayew! You were bad! You don't get to-- you don't get to- look! Oh, that's very naughty! You should be full of regrets. 

I'd like to pass it there... Dum-do-do-dum-do-do-dum-do-do-dum. You know, there's just something amazing about a team like Wimbledon making it to the, um, to the semifinals of the Europa League. And I know that it's just pixels and whatever and that it's just professional skill level, but here's the truth: everyone of these guys is better than we are. You know, every single person on their squad is better than every single person on our squad. 

And yet, we're winning one - nil in France. Who could've foreseen such a beautiful world? Perhaps Louis Armstrong? "And I think to myself... what a beautiful goal" Good job Correa. Um, I'm still working on Correa songs. "And I think to myself... Correa's aaa..." Nope, I don't have it. You got anything, Meredith? How about, like uh, a Britney Spears thing? "Hit me, Correa, one more time!" Nope! That's not there. 

What about another Shakira song? Whatever happened to Shakira? Is she doing okay? Can you check it out? Can you Wikipedia Shakira for me, Meredith? And let me know what's up? The Voice! Is that a television program? Have I embarrassed myself? Is it wildly popular? It is? Is it like American Idol

Do you sometimes-- when you hear me talk, Meredith and Wimbly Womblys viewers, do you sometimes, like, get a glimpse into what it would be like to be hideously old? And think to yourselves, like "Oh god! Like that future's in front of me! I better soak up pop culture while I can before I don't know what The Voice is." What-- I mean, is it just like American Idol? Is it the one where they turn around when they hear the person they like?!

I thought that was Christina Aguilera? Oh, sometimes it's Shakira, sometimes it's Christina Aguilera? But, does everyone alternate seasons or just the Latino women? Okay that's good. Otherwise it would concern me. Alright Francombstein, he's not a doctor! Oh! He got fouled! That's a yellow card! What a naughty, naughty foul! It could be red card. Arguably it was so naughty.

Mendy! You're so naughty! Look at this, look at this, Meredith. That's not an ankle hug-- oh! He went between my legs? That's cruel. Now there's a question of what we're going to do here. Should we, should we just flash it across the 6 yard box? Yes. Yes we've got some big heads. We've got some big heads! No! That was too close, Deeney! 

Ah! I'm still not satisfied with Deeney's performances lately. I will say when Deeney and Dicko start, we get a lot more goals from midfield. So, they are obviously doing something right. Like I know that they are creating space and stuff, that the John Green's don't do a good job of creating. So like, it's not that I'm hopeless-- here's Deeney on the ball.

And that's not a bad cross. Necessitated-- well, a bit of a save. And then what about from here? That's not a bad cross either! What happened? What was wrong? I couldn't have possibly been offside there and yet somehow I was. Amazing, what a game! Oh boy. Meredith... I feel the darkness encroaching. We're only up one - nil, I'd really like to win by 2 or 3. Um, but to be fair, any win away from home against a team of Olympique Marseille's caliber obviously is great. 

It's been awhile since an English team won the Europa League and, uh, obviously this would feel, feel pretty special. So, I'm not taking anything away from our performance today. I just-- I would love another goal and that-- that could be it! That could be it! Correa! Correa! OHH! It went in the net! Can I get a goal line technology ruling please? OHH! Deeney! Oh! "Do you believe in magic? Because Hou-Deeney does... He did the thing and then he scored a goal!"

I still don't have the lyrics for that, but I'm so excited! Was that not on key, Meredith? Why are you laughing? It was on key, she says it was. You know what it reminded you of? The, uh, it reminded you of Mariah Carey and her 8 octave range. I could've gone all the way up too. I could've gone lower. "Do you believe in magic? Because Hou-Deeney does" And then I could've gone much higher. 

(Coughs) I can't, I can't-- I can't even try! It's too humiliating even on a Wimbly Womblys video! I know that the fans of Wimbly Womblys support me and love me, but I don't wanna do it to them because I care about them. Oh, that's a great ball! Oh... and he made the wrong run. He made the inside run and needed to make the outside run. But let's face it guys, we're up two - nil on Olympique Marseille away from home. 

That means that they would have to beat us-- what? They would have to beat us two - nil at the Wimbly Wombly stadium? Doesn't seem likely. I'd still like a 3rd goal for assurance purposes, but, um, I just can't imagine a world in which we, uh, would give up more than a goal. Um, at home. With our fans, with our support it just seems unlikely. We don't have, we don't have regular support. 

That's the other thing is that, like, fans really do change a match, you know? Like, I can hear them, I can hear our, uh, our fans singing right now even though-- after making the long, long trip to France via the Chunnel. You know what my all time least favorite word is? Chunnel. I mean who's responsible for naming that? It's a tunnel that goes under the English Channel.

I get why it's called a Chunnel, but like, there's a bunch of other words that were available to them, you know? Like the channel tunnel. That's perfectly polite, nothing weird about that. Oh! Holy frickin' snood! "Do you believe in magic? Because Hou-Deeney does, he scored a goal and then moustached himself." I'm getting closer. Still no rhyming.

But that, that was out of nothing! Just near corner, pure power three - nil! In the 86th minute and you've gotta say that suddenly it looks very much like the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys are going to the finals of the Europa League! The finals! The finals of the Europa League, the finals of the F.A. Cup, I mean, we're in a legitimate position to maybe contend for the top 4? Although we're definitely still not there. 

Like this is-- things are starting to look beautiful. I'm starting to feel something. Like this might be our special year. This might be our annus mirabilis. What's the annus mirabilis song going to be called? 20-- here's some lyrics for you guys and you guys work out some melodies for me. "It was 2017, Wimbledon's annus mirabilis, annus mirabilis, annus mirabilis" probably more emphasis on the annus for humor effect, but just see what you can do.

Record something, make it a, uh, make it a video response-- I know that they don't have video responses anymore. Link to your video in the comments. Oh god, no! Anything but this! Seb Brown! And, um, let's get an annus mirabilis song going because I'm starting to believe that this might actually happen. 

Three - nil, away from home in the F.A. Cup Semifinals. Look at those traveling Wimbledon supporters in the background. We love you, we thank you, Callum Kennedy apologizes for his haircut. Goals from Correa! Correa!, Who? Deeney and also Who? Deeney. What a game! Oh, Seb Brown with another clean sheet. He's a beautiful, beautiful man. Thanks for watching, best wishes.