Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday.

So listen, I've got some big news, but first I just took the most magnificent bath. Like, I don't want to be hyperbolic but I consider myself something of an expert in baths. I've taken a bath most days of my life, and this is the greatest soap I have ever encountered. Alright, hold on, I gotta take the kids to school. But right, the news.

So Hank, when you got cancer, I became the reluctant and temporary CEO of DFTBA.com, an e-commerce company that connects fans to creators like the McElroy Brothers or Kurzgesagt and also makes the Awesome Socks and Coffee Clubs and Sun Basin Soap. The clubs then donate 100% of their profit to charity and so far we've raised over five million dollars to support better child and maternal health in Sierra Leone. It's just the best and the people who work there are amazing. Now did I want to become the CEO of this company and attend a lot of meetings? Not necessarily. But, I am aware Hank, just to state the obvious, that I wasn't the protagonist of the story.

So right, when we first started making Sun Basin Soap, we had a problem. Like, how do you communicate what a soap smells and feels like when you're in Internet company? Like nobody's invented smell-o-vision and we do have a sample pack that lets you sample each of the five soaps, but ultimately, we wanted to communicate—not just how the soap smells—but how it feels. And that's notoriously difficult because we're headed toward the places that language can't touch. Enter DFTBA's Zoë Ryder, who wrote the most brilliant descriptions of these soaps, Hank. She wrote, for instance, that Enigma, our unscented bar, feels like, "The liminal air of a spring evening, potential in every breath." And it's true! For Trailblazer, our tangerine sage bar, she wrote that it's, "An unseen curve in a winding trail and the thrill to discover what's beyond." That is such a better description of this bar of soap than anything representational. When I say we work with an amazing group of people, Hank, that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Like, this is Forager, our forest-y bar for people who want some, like, hardcore exfoliation. Zoë called it, "A sprout peeking through leaves and winter debris, pale green life beginning again." When you nail the description of a soap that way, is it copywriting or is it poetry? I think the answer is yes.

So Hank, the announcement that I'm making is that in one week, I will no longer be the CEO of DFTBA.com. I wasn't very good at the job and I am thrilled to be demoted back to my natural role as unpaid social media intern making third-tier memes about our truly exceptional coffee. But I have to say I will nonetheless miss the job because it's such a joy to be with people who care about their work and together are really making something special. So here in my last week, I want to thank everybody in the warehouse who taught me how to pack and ship; Everybody at Customer Service who taught me how to make our customer experiences as exceptional as our products; And everybody in the Projects and Products team who helped me understand how you make stuff responsibly and thoughtfully. But anyway, as my last act as CEO, I want to encourage you to buy Sun Basin Soap which is truly the best soap. In addition to Forager, Enigma, and Trailblazer, we have Navigator. This one is more lightly exfoliating, has a great fresh Japanese peppermint scent. But why listen to me when you could listen to Zoë. "It's open fields with horizons obscured by humid haze." And also we have Daydreamer, which Zoë describes as, "The clink of settling ice in a glass of lemonade."

Oh and one more thing, Hank, you are not going to be the CEO of DFTBA.com. Hank and I will remain deeply involved at DFTBA, but when Hank got sick, we were actually several months into the process of trying to find the right person to lead the company—and we've found her. Her name is L.J. Joukovski. She is a brilliant leader who is passionate about DFTBA's mission. She has decades of experience doing this stuff and really wants to come to DFTBA because of the difference that we're trying to make in the world.

So for the last time as DFTBA's CEO: Buy our soap and also our coffee and our socks. 100% of the profit goes to charity. Hank, I did it. I speedran CEO. Thank you for trusting me with it, I'll see you on Friday.