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We invent the most ludicrous sports that have ever existed.

One, a game where you're a toilet roll jockey. Another, named Filly Willy Wick Wack, involves plummeting 1000 feet to your doom.

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Charlie & Jimmy


-Rode Broadcaster Microphone
-Rode PSA1 Microphone Arms

  Intro (0:00

Charlie: Good morning, I'm Charlie.

Jimmy: Oh, hi. Good morning, I'm Jimmy.

C: And Today on the show... What, what are you doing?

J: It is the hit new sport that is gonna take over the world.

C: It's really hard. It's Cereal Time.


J: Hey Charlie I've got a joke.

C: Oh, no. (Josh laughs)

J: What was-

Josh: Sorry.

J: Don't laugh before I've told it, Josh. What was the cold bear's favorite day of the week?

C: I don't know, what was the cold bear's favorite day of the week?

J: Furs-day. Furs-day. Furs-day. Furs-day. Fur keeps a bear warm. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a joke right there. (Charlie laughs) You see the glee on Charlie's... Thank you very much. Oh, happy Thursday guys, thanks for joining us. It's Charlie and Jimmy here, waking you up, starting your day.

C: I don't know why I always do that (hand gesture) waking you up, like we're lifting you out of bed.

J: Oh. Up you go. I just imagine you're just getting someone out of bed and just going "Up now!" If you want to get in touch with us then, how can they do that?

C: You can use our e-mail, Be a cheeky way to get in touch.

J: I'd like that.

C: Yeah, that would be lovely.

  Inventing sports (1:11

C: Now this week, it's all been about sports and so what we've decided to do today is we're gonna try and invent our own sports.

J: Yeah.

C: Well we've both come up with ideas, actually.

J: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's fantastic.

C: Yeah, mine's amazing, I feel like it's really gonna take the world by storm.

J: Well, you've got props, Charlie. I've seen little props sort of lurking around so I'm excited for yours.

C: I came up with mine in a haze last night. We'll see how it goes, but we are both going to explain the rules, show off some props and then play the game. Josh is gonna pick his favorite. I don’t know which one of us wants to go first. Are either of us ready for this?

J: I will go first, I guess? Should I go first? Shall I start with my drawing that I've done, my diagram. Okay, so, I don't have a name for it. I think I’m just going to call it Filly Willy Wick Wacks.

C: Filly Willy Wick Wacks?

J: That's what it looks like.

C: Okay, okay, wow! This is a large production you got going on here.

J: So let me explain. This goes on high in the sky because I feel like one thing we've learned this week is that sport is no longer a spectacle. I think the excitement has gone from sport and we need to bring it back, so these podiums that you see here are approximately a thousand feet above the ground.

C: Okay.

J: Is that too high?

Josh: Wow.

J: How high is that?

C: Josh said "wow" so... I believe a thousand feet above the ground is about a thousand feet. That's pretty high.

J: High enough for, like, a lot of people to be able to watch it.

C: OK.

J: Two people on opposing podiums, both the same height. In the middle of them are a load of holes at different levels. Now the way you play the game is you throw a ball back and forth between each other. So you have to throw, catch, throw, catch. Obviously if you can't catch it, the ball will fall off the podium and you'll lose a point and be out of the game and somebody else takes over on the podium. Now you collect a point by catching and then throwing the ball out, but you can only bank those points if you throw the ball into one of the holes of destiny in the center of the pitch in between the two podiums. So you have to predict. It's sort of one man against the other, who's gonna cave in first, who's gonna cash in those points first? You have to pop it into the... Do you understand what I mean?

(Charlie and Josh laugh)

C: It's like a game of catch, but with mind games and amazing gladiator-esqe spectacle.

J: It's like a game of catch, but the only way you cash in the points is by throwing the ball down one of the holes

C: I got that bit.

J: Okay, you got that bit. At home, guys, have you got it? You're playing catch, you have to pick the prime time to throw the ball in, 'cause if they cash it in before you, you get no points and you get pushed off the podium.

C: We got the idea.

J: So here it is. Now remember-

C: Wow.

J: -in real life, this will be a thousand feet in the air, right. Marie just told us that's about the same height as the Shard, which is about right, that's kind of about what I was imagining. So we've got here, this is our ball for today, it's a little piece of cereal.

C: #notspon

J: #nonspon. And this is our, these are the holes of destiny here, So Filly Willy Wick Wack, we throw this back and forth, bank by throwing it in there, but you have to pick a good time to bank.

C: Alright, I'm ready.

J: Oh, you're good at this Charlie. Have you played before?

C: Yes. We were playing off camera earlier.

J: OK.

C: This is pretty exciting.

J: Are you keeping score, Josh?

Josh: Yeah.

J: OK.

C: Oh no!

J: Oh! And I'm off the podium.

Josh: Missed out on ten points there.

C: So do you get pushed off?

J: I get pushed off.

C: So you die now?

J: Yep.

C: Did I win? Is that what that means?

J: No, you didn't win. It means someone else gets on the podium, but I will have another go for this time.

C: So new person, back on the podium. I got one of these ready as well.

J: Okay fine. Actually, another rule: you have to say Filly Willy Wick Wack as you're doing it, but it goes Filly. Willy. Wick. Wack. Okay, you get it.

C: Alright, I'm ready. Filly.

J: Willy.

C: Ooh.

J: Oh!

C: Wick.

J: Wack.

C: Filly.

J: Willy.

C: Wick.

J. Wack. Oh, he tried to willy the wack and it didn't happen. It went down the middle, you missed one of those holes of destiny. It's quite difficult with the bottles of San Pellegrino. Oh, it was off the rim! You get ten points for a rim shot!

Josh: Jimmy wins.

J: Jimmy wins! (All laugh) Oh, good game mate, really good game.

C: You didn't even push me off.

J: Oh yeah. That was Filly Willy Wick Wack.

C: Okay Jimmy, I'm ready to tell you about my sport.

J: I'm ready to hear about your sport. I'm excited

C: The title isn't as exciting as Filly Filly Wick Wand.

J: Filly Willy Wick Wack, yeah.

C: Right now it's called Toilet Roll Race.

J: Oh, rubbish.

C: You could also call it The Royal Ass-cot.

J: Oh!

C: You'll find out the meaning behind that in a moment. This is the drawing that I did, if you'd like to take a look.

J: OK, you've gone for a different style of drawing to me.

C: Yeah. So the way that this works is you have to wear a pair of gloves.

J: OK.

C: Right. And we're both "desk jockeys" 'cause it's a race, right And we've got some toilet roll here as well. And the way it's gonna work is we're gonna set up some kind of of contraption, sorry Josh. We're gonna have the toilet roll sort of on the desk.

J: Right.

C: You're gonna wear the gloves and you're gonna have to sort of, like, pull it like that.

J: Across the desk, like that?

C: Yeah. Sort of pull it all out.

J: Like you're clawing.

C: And the first one to use up all of the toilet roll wins the race.

J: Oh. So there are no horses involved.

C: No. We're the horses in the game.

J: Why is there a horse in the corridor then? I thought that was yours, just clip-clopping around.

C: A variation of the game that I did think of is if you have four people, two of them could sit on top of the other people's backs, and they can be like the jockeys, controlling the horses.

J: Right. And are they doing, are they sort of leaning over and doing the...

C: No, they'll sort of be leaning over being like "Yah! Go!" and such.

J: Right. Just words of encouragement, like a real jockey.

C: Exactly "Go and such!" Also the way it's gonna work is there's gonna be a moderator, who I think will be Josh, and he will throw out little instructions, "turn left," "turn right," "jump over the thingy" and then we have to do little motions in accordance with that sort of thing, and if the toilet roll breaks, you've got to reset it, wait five seconds, then get back into it. So that's my...

J: Wow, so this is a lot to take in.

C: Yeah, and also it's very important at the end of the game that you recycle and, like, roll it back up and then put it in a toilet and use it all up.

J: Always recycle kids. Filly Willy Wick Wack uses San Pellegrino bottles.

C: Yeah. Good for the environment.

J: OK, this is good. I mean, it's no Filly Willy Wick Wack, but it seems fun.

C: I think it's gonna be great, very exciting. Let's get into it.

C: Okay, all ready to go. Hands like this, Jimmy.

J: Yeah.

C: Thumbs in.

J: All right.

C: And then make a fist.

J: OK.

C: And that's your position, you've got to pull it along like that. Like a horse clopping along.

J: OK, OK. I was slightly worried that the toilet roll is going to come unstuck, so we had to gaffer tape it down, so if you're playing at home, maybe get your mum and dad's dining table and just screw a toilet roll holder into it.

C: Just get it right in there.

J: So it's not going to move.

C: Big drill, that'd be great.

Alright, ready for the race to start?

J: I'm scared! Alright I'm ready. This is gonna be fun.

C: All right, you count us in, Josh.

Josh: Three, two, one, go! Left. Left, left, left, left! Right, right, right, right!

J: Oh no, I've broken! I've broken!

C: We've both broken.

Josh: Five seconds. Five, four, three, two, one. Back in please.

C: Oh God. It's not... It's not coming off! Oh, I've broken again.

Josh: Jump over a hurdle. Five seconds for Charlie.

J: Oh.

C: You've got to reset it.

Marie: Two, three, four...

Josh: And stop off and give your neighbor of low self-esteem a wholeness.

J: You are doing really well, Charlie.

C: I keep breaking it!

Josh: Jimmy wins!

J: No, I'm not quite finished. Yeah! Oh! That is victory.

C: Sorry about all the toilet roll fog.

J: It's genuinely making me cough quite a lot. I didn't realize toilet paper rolls were so powdery. Should say only play Loo Roll McGingly Bob if you are in a well ventilated space, that's one of the rules.

C: Definitely, exactly what I was going to say, one of the rules.

J: That was fun.

C: Now we get to find out who was the better sports creator. What do you think, Josh?

Josh: Well, I think it was probably... I'm gonna say Charlie, just because-

J: What!?

Josh: I don't like sports that involve falling off of a one thousand foot tall tower. Call me new age and religious...

J: Why? You're just square, Josh. You're such a square.

Josh: I know, I know.

C: I may have lost both of the games, but at least I won the war.

J: Well there you go. Well done. Good work.

C: And that means that Jimmy is gonna have to come in dressed up completely in toilet roll, as a toilet roll mummy, come Monday morning.

J: We did not discuss this. We did not discuss this. Right, we will... I'm going to haggle with you on this, off-camera, but for now shall we do Feature Tombola?

C: Let's do it.

  Feature Tombola (10:14

C: There we go. Don't feel like we've had a Feature Tombola just to ourselves in a while.

J: No, we've not, had we?

C: Doesn't happen anymore.

J: Normally we do it with a guest. So this is quite nice.

C: Quite intimate. So this is filled with our own ideas for Feature Tombola. Also asked you guys for some suggestions, those are in there as well. Let's see what we get. This is one of yours, it's from Vicki: Guess that cereal!

J: Oh! OK.

C: So we should get some cereal and...

J: Shall I put a blind fold on?

C: Yeah, you put a blindfold on.

J: OK.

C: I don't know where the... Just hold these up to your face, maybe.

J: Hold these gloves up to my face.

C: No, there's the blindfold.

J: The blindfold's over there. See, the blindfold is never that far out of reach.

C: Alrighty.

J: We can't perform without it. OK, I'm just gonna strap this on.

C: Oh God. We do have a lot of cereal. OK.

J: Okay, I'm ready for you. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna put it in my hand or my mouth?

C: I haven't decided yet.

J: Okay. That's fine.

C: OK.

J: I'm ready though. Just tell me hand or mouth.

C: Hands.

J: OK. Oops. Ooh.

C: Just give it a feel.

J: Oh, I would know this feel any day of the week. That, that is Kellogg's Krave Choc Roulette!

C: Wow. Alright, one more.

J: Okay. Ooh. Oh, that feels to... Oh, that's Cocoa Pop.

C: No.

J: Oh! What is it?

C: Ricicles.

J: Oh, come on!

C: You should have known that, Jimmy. You should have known that.

J: They're the same, just different colors!

C: That was Feature Tombola.

 Outro (11:55

C: Still finding loo roll dust, Jimmy?

J: Look at it all! Look at that.

C: Wow, that's...

J: That's unbelievable.

C: That's absurd.

J: Who knew that loo roll was so dusty?

C: Wow, sorry about that. Sorry about the game. If you did enjoy it, please do give us a like and subscribe as well if you want to see us every single weekday morning.

J: We're here, we're not going anywhere, guys. We end the show though with the Twitter Thought of the Day. This one is from Arianna and it is "If a dream has so many obstacles, maybe it means it's the right one."

C: I like that as an idea.

J: Maybe Arianna. Maybe.

C: Maybe it means it isn't?

J: Maybe not. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. Interpretation. But thank you very much for that. We'll be back tomorrow with a very special guest with a very special guest, so make sure you join us for that. See you later, guys.

C: Good bye!